Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My boyfriend (30) proposed to me (29) last night and I am so disappointed

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice My boyfriend (30) proposed to me (29) last night and I am so disappointed

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 139 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #861575 Reply
    avatarLaura
    Guest

    I’ve been living with my boyfriend for almost 6 months and we are very close and love each other very much. In the beginning of our relationship on our first date and in a few other instances at the beginning of the relationship, my boyfriend mention this one ex, telling me that they were engaged at some point and that he even took her to Rome to ask her to marry him (they were also living together at the time) and that she was still acting like it wasn’t good enough for her. Anyway this somehow has stuck to my mind and I don’t know what else this could be but a feeling of jealousy on my part. Lately my boyfriend had been hinting about buying me a ring to ask me to marry him, I undoubtedly am in this relationship to go there at some point. So yesterday we went out shopping and he actually sent me to check out a store so he could shop for a ring. On our way back home he asked me to go to the lookout of the city, but I excused myself telling him that I have to wake up at 3:30 for work (which he already knew)- and at this point it was already 8:30 PM. Anyway he seemed a little disappointed saying that he had a surprise for me, he wanted to do something there. Like I knew what he was hinting at and didn’t understand why he would ruin the surprise like that. Anyway we get home and I gather a few things (some where on the floor) to do laundry. So he comes and asks me if I love him and how much, and I replied that I love him very much, he then got on one knee and asked me to marry him. Everything seemed so rushed and unspecial like he just wanted to get it over with. I cried myself to sleep and I feel like while before just the thought of him proposing to me made me happy but the way he just rushed through it without even thinking of making it special in any way makes me feel crushed. Because I know that he is capable of making it special because he has done it for someone else before.
    Maybe the jealousy is clouding my judgement but I really feel that in the long run him doing this just shows that he doesn’t really love me or values me enough to make something like this special. And I keep comparing myself to his ex now. And although he says he loves me like he never loved anyone before and does all these love gestures all the time, I just now feel like it’s not true. Feel so small and unappreciated

    #861576 Reply
    avatarLaura
    Guest

    They also took photos of themselves at the time. We didn’t take any photos of our engagement and it’s just feeling like it never even happened. And instead of feeling happy and looking forward to the future, I kind of feel heartbroken

    #861580 Reply
    avatarPeggy
    Guest

    Hi Laura-You sound immature,insecure and unreasonable. You knew he would likely propose and you avoided it and made an excuse not to go to the look-out. Then he proposed at home and you did not like that either. You seem moody and gloomy and instead of being confident and happy you are comparing yourself and your guy and relationship with an ex that sounds like a bitchy,demanding person. That attitude is what you are starting to seem like you have.
    Nothing is good enough for you either apparently. Did it not occur to you that he did not think you were the type that wanted/needed “the grand gesture” ( as his last G.F. seemed to need in spades) more than simply the happiness of him and his love.
    I say if you love him and want to marry him -stop this immature sulking or he will have 2 exes with bad/entitled spoiled brat attitudes to mention to his next girlfriend.

    #861581 Reply
    avatarAnge
    Guest

    Well credit to the poor dude, he tried to do something special. It’s not just up to him to make it happen, you could have offered an alternative ‘trip’ seeing as you knew what he was after but instead you shot him down due to time then proceeded to do laundry anyway. Why did you have time for that but not a proposal? Have you even discussed what you’d like for a proposal before? Talked about any future plans for marriage? None of this makes any sense.

    #861582 Reply
    avatarLaura
    Guest

    Yes, we did discuss marriage. And we did discuss that evening to be mainly my uniform laundry to go on a three day trip for work that I had to get up early for. Laundry took 20 mins and picked it up from the drier when I woke up in the morning to leave. I feel like this could have waited the three day long trip when upon my return we had plans to go on a roof top restaurant overlooking the city. But I guess he didn’t want to propose there but rather between the dirty laundry and underwear on the floor of our apartment. Maybe I am out of line here and immature, but what you’re telling me is basically that it is okay to tell my family and friends that my boyfriend proposed to me beside a pile of dirty underwear knowing what he did for his other girl. Sorry but I don’t see it the way you do

    #861587 Reply
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    Holy crap, talk about misplaced priorities.

    Do not marry this man, or anyone else, until you have a better understanding of what matters in a relationship.

    Edited to add: you probably think I’m saying that to be mean, but I mean it in the kindest and most sincere way possible. You’re hung up on the superficial aspects of the proposal, not the relationship that led to it, and that’s not going to lead to a healthy (or lasting) marriage.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 4 weeks ago by avatarEssie.
    #861588 Reply
    avatarLaura
    Guest

    This is a one time memory and you can’t change memories I just feel the way I feel because he did want to make our memory special but rather a hurtful one

    #861591 Reply
    avatarLaura
    Guest

    I don’t think you are trying to be mean, I just think you’re not aware of the facts of life where people are disappointed with their proposals yet they’re still together. I am just trying to get over the fact and wondering if my boyfriend actually cares about me, because actions speak more than words and I think anyone is capable of proposing to someone anywhere else but by a pile of dirty clothes which is what I keep seeing in my mind. So if you have low standards and expectations that’s on you, I don’t and I’m a great catch that’s why this guy proposed to me in the first place. But thank for you time and consideration. But if you have no idea but misplaced judgement don’t waste your time

    #861592 Reply
    avatarLaura
    Guest

    No advice* not idea

    #861594 Reply
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    I’m old enough to be your grandmother, and my relationship with my partner started when you were about 3 years old, so I’m well aware of the “facts of life.”

    I’m also well aware of what matters in a relationship, and believe me, where he proposes and whether pictures were taken will be the least consequential factors in the success of your marriage. But you’ll find that out on your own.

    If you do decide to go through with it, I wish you well.

    #861598 Reply
    avatarLaura
    Guest

    Ok thank you, if anything I am glad that I am not right. I love this man with all my heart and would be very much destroyed for a lack of a better word if I was right in this. But if it is just a shallow matter maybe I will ask him kindly for a re-do. And go from there
    And I apologize for my tone and words.

    #861610 Reply
    avatarHazel
    Guest

    Very few people I know have a big stagey, set up for the memory, “proposal story”, just the actual moment someone actually asked them, frequently with no ring there at the time, ring bought together soon after agreement was made. This whole thing where both parties already know they plan to marry then someone does a huge display– it isn’t a “thing” everywhere at all. The only time I’ve seen this is when the proposal was actually a total surprise, and when it was done in public, at least two I personally know of said yes to save face, then reneged shortly afterwards. I think your “laundry moment” might end up being a treasured private memory thing if you stay together, and be much more meaningful than some scenic photo op. Hope it all works out for you.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 139 total)
Reply To: My boyfriend (30) proposed to me (29) last night and I am so disappointed
Your information: