Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My boyfriend (30) proposed to me (29) last night and I am so disappointed

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice My boyfriend (30) proposed to me (29) last night and I am so disappointed

Viewing 12 posts - 121 through 132 (of 140 total)
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  • #863559 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Right, why would people be bitter? That’s the go-to when someone feels attacked, but no.

    #863770 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    “I’m Gen-X and we didn’t really do that either. The whole photo shoot thing really is a product of the Millennial and social media generation. It feels cheesy to me, but it’s pretty normal these days*

    I mean, camera phones were not really ubiquitous until ten years ago maybe? The sensibility that you should be able to photograph everything all the time came out the fact that for the first time everyone had cameras with them. That is what shifted people’s norms about taking pictures of everything (as well as social media on which to post it). In 2007 it would have seemed super weird to to have a photographer waiting around to photograph the actual proposal or immediate aftermath.

    #863771 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    And to respond to some of the anti anti LW commentary no one is saying that she isn’t allowed to be disappointed. I’m saying that her severe and crazed disproportionate response to not getting the kind of proposal she wants and her decision to use this as a yardstick for his love and commitment to her, reflects some combination of poor character, lack of maturity, and problems with the relationship.

    #863779 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    I don’t see how crying over a disappointment is “severe and crazed.” Especially during a stressful move. Seems normal to me.

    #863782 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    It doesn’t seem normal to me to cry oneself to sleep instead of talking to their fiancé.

    It also doesn’t seem normal to feel like a proposal “never happened” unless there were pics, but I didn’t grow up with Facebook.

    #863783 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    An adult who cries herself to sleep after getting engaged because the form of the proposal was not what she wanted, after she deliberately refused to participate on the more formal proposal, is having a severe and crazed reaction.

    #863785 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    And it’s not just the initial response, but the determination that her boyfriend, who just made a lifetime commitment to he, doesn’t love her enough because proposed informally after she decided that his attempt at a more formal proposal was insufficiently surprising.

    #863786 Reply
    avatarsaneinca
    Guest

    I agree with you FYI. LW was disappointed and unhappy. Does not make her crazy.

    Also how come the BF misread her obvious reluctance and continued with the proposal ? I have to say he is clueless and thoughtless and they have major communication issues.

    One of the reasons I abhor surprise proposals. People need to discuss major life decisions like marriage, kids, job changes etc. with their partners.

    They should not just assume their proposals and decisions are acceptable.

    #863788 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    He told her that he was going to shop for rings. Presumably if she didn’t want to get married that would have been the time to say something.

    #863791 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    That would definitely have been one possible time to have a conversation about being on the same page. 29 is not a child, and she said she knows the facts of life, has higher standards than we do (hope the ring was more than 2 carats) and is a catch. Someone savvy like that should be able to handle this sitch.

    #870592 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    I saw this advertisement and was reminded of how the LW was tragically swindled of live photographs of her engagement.

    https://twitter.com/MarkAgee/status/1214655393365803008

    #870606 Reply
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    what you’re telling me is basically that it is okay to tell my family and friends that my boyfriend proposed to me beside a pile of dirty underwear knowing what he did for his other girl

    Yes this is what we’re telling you. Or more reasonably, what we’re telling you is that it doesn’t matter what he did for the other girl and that your framing is wrong. You could say “we decided to get married” or “he couldn’t wait after buying the ring so he proposed that same evening” instead of focusing on the dirty laundry. And why do all you friends and family know that your boyfriend proposed to his ex in Rome? Have you been bragging about the international proposal in your future?

    You want photos? Go out for dinner and take a pic and say “celebrating our engagement.”

Viewing 12 posts - 121 through 132 (of 140 total)
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