Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My boyfriend (30) proposed to me (29) last night and I am so disappointed

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice My boyfriend (30) proposed to me (29) last night and I am so disappointed

Viewing 12 posts - 73 through 84 (of 140 total)
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  • #861786 Reply

    I’d go so far as to say that the grand romantic gesture proposals may almost be a red flag. A flashy way of distracting the person being proposed to so that s/he overlooks glaring flaws.

    I especially loath the very public ones that put the proposee on the spot to answer yes, even if marrying that person seems like a bad idea.

    #861807 Reply

    You need to talk to him about this. The communication in your relationship is not good and you don’t want to be quietly seething and crying yourself to sleep for years.

    #861814 Reply

    You need to address this directly with him. Talk about everything, tell him that you don’t feel as loved as the other person. If you keep this to yourself, it will blow up eventually.
    Also, memories are what you make of them. This can be a special moment the way it was,but your expectations were bigger. And you need to communicate that.

    #861815 Reply

    No one insulted you, Laura. People are telling you to communicate your needs. Not his exgirlfriend’s, yours. You have an obsession with a relationship that he ended because it was unhealthy. Why do you want to emulate that?

    I think you’re just not right for one another.

    #861816 Reply

    I thought you might want to know this got shared.

    #861818 Reply

    Maybe you’re right about this:

    “ I guess my subconscious brought this sneaky thought that she is the love of his life and not me. And I’m just someone he wants to marry because I have a great job, lifestyle, etc.”

    Maybe it is your gut telling you this isn’t right. If this was really the right relationship for you both, I don’t see this situation happening. I don’t see you feeling like this. You would have both communicated.

    #861819 Reply

    If you are doubting that this man loves you then you need to put the breaks on this engagement and talk to him about that. You say you want to be married for life, but so far you’ve been silently seething and crying yourself to sleep without telling your partner something is wrong. That is… not a great start. Talk to him.

    If you genuinely believe he proposed to you in that way to plant seeds of doubt about your relationship or as some sort of statement about how little he values you, instead of asking you to marry him because he genuinely wants to be your husband, then that is a big, giant, potentially relationship ending problem. Either he did and it’s time to put the breaks on, or he didn’t and you have some jealousy, trust, and communication issues to work through and it’s time to put the breaks on.

    #861820 Reply

    In my opinion the way someone proposes to someone else is completely unimportant. It’s shallow and immature to want a big flashy proposal and be surprised. What is important is that you both want to spend the rest of your life together, be each others teammates and support, be there for each other through the bad times and the good. What is important is everything that comes after. I’m also not a fan of wasting money on a big fancy wedding. I’ve been with my husband 28 years…we have 2 kids and our marriage is very strong. Please think about your priorities and what REALLY does and doesn’t matter in life.

    #861822 Reply

    One interpretation of this, if you want to look for something wrong, Laura:

    He moved too fast. You say you’ve lived together 6 months, but not how long you’ve been together. It sounds like the proposal happened sooner than you were really ready for. Maybe he threw himself into this relationship without being over his ex. Talking about her on the first date isn’t a great sign. And your gut is telling you she is the love of his life. Is that what you’re worried about? Because yeah, it’s possible. And if what everyone said didn’t put you at ease here, and you still feel like something is off, it could be.

    Again, I do think that if two people are right for each other, they can pretty easily get past a less-than-stellar proposal.

    #861823 Reply

    No one insulted you, Laura.

    LOL, wut!?!

    Just to name a few — “immature, insecure and unreasonable.” “bad/entitled spoiled brat” “shallow” and the list goes on.

    She’s not asking for him to do sky-writing. She wanted a little thoughtfulness. I guarantee that if she were the one doing the proposing, it would not have been in the hallway while he’s tired and packing for a trip. That was frickin’ ridiculous.

    The insults are way out of line.

    #861829 Reply

    If you aren’t sure about the relationship you should wait to get engaged or at the very least have a very long engagement.

    Your lack of excitement about being engaged is a clue to your feelings. Have you enjoyed living together or are you a little disappointed? Did you want more time before getting engaged? Does your boyfriend/fiance decide to get engaged after discussing it and making sure the two of you want the same thing at the same time or does he try to fix a relationship he feels may not be working by getting engaged or is he guessing that you want an engagement? Does he feel that you are becoming more distant now that you are living together? Does he feel the need to be engaged before the two of you move away together? Are you moving for both of you or one of you and the other is following?

    Getting engaged just before a move or a separation is very common and done by someone who isn’t sure that their partner is all in on the relationship and they want to lock it down.

    This may be a case of your partner feeling that you aren’t as invested as he is and he wants to make sure you are committed.

    Since you will be moving try to find a couples counselor at your new location. The two of you need to learn to talk to each other about important things.

    Don’t get married until you are absolutely sure about the relationship.

    #861830 Reply

    @FYI The responses weren’t about his specific method of proposal but about her reaction being about what she would tell her friends. Her comment was about not having a good story to tell her friends and family.

Viewing 12 posts - 73 through 84 (of 140 total)
Reply To: My boyfriend (30) proposed to me (29) last night and I am so disappointed
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