Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

“My Boyfriend Broke My Heart”

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by Miel Miel 4 weeks ago.

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  • #833034 Reply
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    FYI

    I guess I’m the only one who would find it absolutely stifling if someone demanded that I talk to them every day, and kept bringing it up over and over if I missed a day.

    If, as you flat-out stated, you can’t trust him or be with him anymore, then DON’T. Especially don’t waste your very precious time talking this to death with him and getting closure on your closure. (When he says he “will not let go,” that doesn’t mean “ooh, he loves me so much.” It means he’s manipulative. All the talk of marriage and quitting his job? Totally nuts if true and manipulative if not true.)

    I am going to give you the real advice you need to get over this. Ready? GET GOOD AT SOMETHING. Your job, or tango, the flute, foreign languages, kickboxing, anything. I mean, DECIDE you’re going to kick ass at something. You sound needy and dependent and, yes, very naive — and the best remedy for that is to pour all of your energy into becoming an expert at something. GO!

    #833066 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    Plenty of people would feel stifled by a requirement for daily phone conversations, myself included. If you’re one of those people, you should have better sense than to enter into an LDR with someone you’ve been on four dates with, who expressed that daily phone conversations are very important to them. You’d realize that your needs are incompatible and go your separate ways. You wouldn’t decide that what she wants doesn’t work for you so you’re going to do things the way you want and she’ll just have to deal with that.

    #833115 Reply
    Miel
    Miel
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    @FYI, I agree with Lucidity. When you are in a LDR from the very beginning of the relationship, you have to BUILD the relationship from scratch through phone/text/skype/visits. If you don’t like talking on the phone, don’t text often, don’t take the time to skype and doesn’t have the money to visit regularly, there simply isn’t a relationship. You can’t just “wait it out” and “maintain the status quo” for months at a time between visits because there is nothing to maintain, and no relationship to speak of. And you certainly can’t act like a normal couple who sees each other 2-3 times a week and thus doesn’t need to talk on the phone everyday. (But that’s because they build their relationship in person! People in LDR can’t do that! They have to do it over the phone!)

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