Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My boyfriend has issues and is the reason we are in an unhealthy relationship

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice My boyfriend has issues and is the reason we are in an unhealthy relationship

This topic contains 20 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar _s_ 3 months ago.

Viewing 9 posts - 13 through 21 (of 21 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #739003 Reply
    avatar
    Fyodor

    I am all for trying to reason with people and work things out. This is not the kind of behavior you try to reform. It’s the kind that you run from. This is Lifetime movie sh*t.

    #739005 Reply
    avatar
    Heatherly
    Member

    Sorry, but no more benefit of the doubt for this abusive arse. Get Out! Also read the Gift of Fear book it does spell it out( but be warned there at least one chapter that is victim blamey – I think unconsciously so…)

    #739044 Reply

    It’s not her job to fix him. It’s his job to not be an abusive asshole.
    Yes, it sucked that he had a troubled childhood but he needs to get into therapy to work that shit out, not make her life miserable because he’s had a shitty life.

    #739049 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    You don’t owe it to him to stick around to see if he can control his abuse a little better. Abusive people abuse. That is who they are. You can’t change him but you can change whether you are involved with him.

    The reason you are in an unhealthy relationship is because you haven’t left him. Take control of your life to insure you have a better life than the one you are experiencing. Most relationships start great and the future seems to be perfect. As time goes by most aren’t so perfect and most end because they aren’t right. This one isn’t right for you. End it to protect your future. End it so you don’t live with years of abuse. End is so that if you have children you don’t have to worry about their safety. End it because you deserve better. End it because you won’t accept being abused.

    #739066 Reply
    avatar
    Ruby Thursday

    In addition to what others said, please go back to university. Do not let him hold you back from the education you want.

    #739074 Reply
    avatar
    Ron

    He can probably force himself to dial the abuse back for a while and concentrate upon thoroughly tying you down first via marriage or pregnancy, at which point the abuse will kick into high gear. Plan carefully and enlist help from friends/family/agencies — he sounds like the sort of guy who physically or even kills women who try to leave him. Restraining order, support.

    #739169 Reply
    avatar
    CCL

    Listen to everyone here – this is scary shite! You definitely have to let your family know – you may have to record his rants as proof that he is indeed an abusive a-hole. Good luck!

    #739576 Reply
    avatar
    Silje

    Agreeing with everyone here that it is time to leave before anything worse happens.

    My friend dated another “friend” in college, he had his “Reasons”, was adopted from a country far away, this, that and the other thing, and he didn’t actually hit her, but he was so much bigger and stronger than her, and he pushed her. Ran after her and pushed her into things, screaming at her. But only when they were alone.

    Together with others they seemed like the perfect in love couple, nice presents, nice dinners out, etc, except she had some bruises she couldn’t quite explain.. When we finally got out of her what happened she said “I just want him to be kind so we can be together”. But of course she knew deep down that it would never actually happen.

    We, her friends, ended up calling her father and telling him. After that he was of course no longer welcome in their house and the relationship ended. She was quite angry with us for a while, but that ended too. And now she has graduated top of her class in uni, met a nice man who is kind All The Time and not just when somebody’s looking.

    #739666 Reply
    avatar
    _s_
    Participant

    Holy fuck you are in serious danger and you need to contact your local domestic abuse shelter, or call a national hotline, or something NOW, because you need to get out NOW before he gets physically abusive (which I GUARANTEE you will happen). And when you leave him will be the most dangerous time and you will need external support on what is the safest way to accomplish that. Also avail yourself of any counseling services they and/or your college has available to better understand why you have been accepting being treated like shit by an abusive asshole, and how to prevent a repeat scenario. Good luck and stay strong and USE BIRTH CONTROL until you can gather the courage and develop an escape plan.

    ETA: Don’t be fooled by the “good days” or the “nice guy” front he puts on to others. The trick with abusers is not they aren’t abusive every day, which causes many abused women to justify staying because “it’s not all bad.” “He’s really nice except when his abuse makes me contemplate suicide” is no way to live.

Viewing 9 posts - 13 through 21 (of 21 total)
Reply To: My boyfriend has issues and is the reason we are in an unhealthy relationship
Your information:




Comments on this entry are closed.