Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My boyfriend is too harsh on my daughter.

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This topic contains 77 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by avatar ron 6 months ago.

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  • #830229 Reply
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    Jessica

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we live together with my 7 year old daughter and our 8 month old son. Most of our arguments involves my daughter. It seems to me that he picks on her about EVERYTHING! One day I left him alone with her while I went to the nail salon and he called me with her crying in the background telling me he spanked her because she wouldn’t listen to him even though I’ve asked him to never put his hands on her. He’s always yelling at her telling her to clean her room or do this and do that. So to get to the point my daughter struggles academically. She had to repeat kindergarten and is now in the 1st grade. I pay my mother who has her PHD in early childhood education to help my daughter with her homework because I’m currently a full time college student and I also work full time. My daughters teacher sends home weekly grades that my daughter sometimes gets an F on this specific assignment. However her report cards and progress reports show B’s S’s and it showed a C once. I use to punish her for making F’s on her weekly assignments but yesterday I decided to stop punishing her based off the weekly assignments and if she brings home a bad grade on her report card I decided to punish her off that. Well my boyfriend thinks I should let her stay on punishment. He tells me if he doesn’t have any say so in her life then he’s done. He said I don’t get the final say so over what happens to her because he pays the rent and if he feels that she should be on punishment she will be on punishment. He also said that I need to discuss everything that goes on in her life with him for example, if I decided to let her spend a night with her grandma I need to ask him first. I’m beyond drained and really don’t know what to do in this situation.

    #830230 Reply
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    Jessica

    P. S. My daughter has shown significant improvement in her grades due to my mothers help. She’s now almost on a 3rd grade reading level and brings home more good grades than bad ones. My boyfriend also told me if my daughter came home tonight she would not be allowed to watch tv, get on her laptop or any of the things she would normally do when she’s not on punishment. So now she’s at my mothers house tonight.

    #830231 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    I cannot imagine how your mother, an educated woman, is not telling you how wrong so much of this is. Use your fucking brain. No one gets to put a hand on your daughter. You need to leave now. WTF is wrong that you are allowing any of this.

    #830232 Reply
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    Jessica

    He hasn’t done it again since that day. I had to speak with his mother about it who convinced him that it was wrong of him to do that. But now he’s asking me what role does he have in her life if he can’t discipline her and tell her what to do

    #830233 Reply

    I try not to by snarky here, but the subject of this post should be “my boyfriend spanked my daughter without my permission-do I break up with him or murder him?”

    That would be the end for me so fast time itself would break into 1000 pieces.

    Protect your daughter and find someone who respects you.

    #830234 Reply
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    dogmom

    I’m sorry you had a baby with this a-hole and are now tied to him for the rest of your life. Please take your kids and move in with your mom or do whatever you have to do to get away from him. Your daughter is going to suffer major damage from the abuse you’re allowing to happen.

    #830235 Reply

    You are disciplining a 7 year old over schoolwork.

    You are staying with a man who spanked your daughter because he had to be in charge of her for what…an hour tops, and couldn’t handle it?

    He is always yelling at her.

    He is abusive. That’s what the problem is. It’s not your 7 year old daughter. He is the problem.

    If you are a good mother, you will protect your daughter from abuse and GTFO of there. It doesn’t matter that he says he won’t hit her again, he still yells at her.

    I feel so sorry for your little daughter. If anyone laid a hand on my kids, they would no longer have a hand. Unbelievable!

    You are the parent. You are her only protector. Don’t choose your shitty boyfriend over your daughter.

    #830236 Reply

    Also, it’s no wonder she’s struggling academically when she’s being degraded and abused at home.

    #830237 Reply
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    Jessica

    He actually let her know when she’s doing good and he plays with her and she plays with him sometimes. It’s just he gets in these moods and can be overly aggressive with her.

    #830238 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    Omg I am going to assume there is no getting through to you but let me attempt.

    You don’t have to tell a mans mother something so she tells him so he will do it.

    A man, yourself, or anyone does not get to hit your child, even once.

    You don’t punish a 7 year old over grades. You solve the problem that is resulting in those grades.

    Finally, if I had a way to know your name or address id be calling CPS right now.

    Get your fucking head out of your ass.

    #830239 Reply
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    Leah

    Yeah your boyfriend has good qualities I’m sure. Every abusive person does. It doesn’t change the fact that they are abusive. You need to leave this situation ASAP. Your daughter needs to be protected from this asshole.

    #830240 Reply
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    lurker101
    Participant

    Is this in North America? Seems so odd that a kid needs to repeat kindergarten. I’m in Canada and kindergarten is mainly play based and learning letters and numbers. Never heard of anyone failing kindergarten. It’s not even mandatory here. Regardless, I agreed with everyone that you need to protect your daughter and take her out of this abusive situation.

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