“My Boyfriend Keeps Friending Young, Sexy Women on Facebook”

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    April 19, 2018 at 7:57 am #750230

    From a LW:

    Hey..my boyfriend does that thing where he passively accepts sexy female friendship requests and the two guys before him did the same thing as well..with my two past boyfriends (19,25)things were nice in the beginning and soon came to become comfortable enough to have them make very few efforts.. like not even flowers..barely a few ice creams or burger king. Both were american and they seemed very condescending towards me and both kept browsing dating sites and were insecure about thenselves.

    My current boyfriend is surely more confident,older. He doesn’t cheat on me he just spends hours playing cards with his friends almost everyday which kinda bothers me just cause he spends like five hours or more everyday at the same bar or playing cards with his buddies..Already that bothers me a little. Also,he has got a kid and he lives with us, his mom comes by 4/5 days a week to help him with his homework since the kid wouldn’t listen to me..so already his mom sleeping in our home 4/5 days a week bothers me greatly..um.And also the befriending sexy women thing on Facebook. I was helping him access his profile and noticed that three foreign women had accepted his friend requests, he denied sending those but seems weird, 3 accepted requests..

    He does repost my selfies on his facebook page but his facebook friendlist keeps getting bigger with young sexy flirty girls. I am confused cause he supports me, my breakdowns so this is confusing cause I explained that I wish he’d stop adding young chicks(I’m 23) of any age and just about anyone but he keeps going on says it’s not serious. So..hopefully you can answer my question Wendy cause the few people I’ve talked to told me to leave but how hypocritical cause they behave the same way with their partners adding sexy youngsters. What should I do? Cause revenge seems dumb,Adding sexy guys on purpose makes me feel stupid and lame.

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    April 19, 2018 at 8:07 am #750235

    When you say “sexy women thing” and “sexy flirty girls,” I’m assuming you mean the kinds of profiles we sometimes see on social media that features lots of pictures of scantily-clad women, right? And I have to say, I know a lot of good men — old friends of mine, friends of my husband’s, dads of my kids’ friends — and none of them have a friends list full of these kinds of profiles. I would shocked and alarmed if any of them had ONE of these kinds of contacts on their friends’ list.

    You are making poor choices in men, and their friends’ list can be an easy litmus test for you. If they have random scantily clad sexy flirty women on their friends’ lists, that’s red flag. If they continue adding these women and you know they don’t know them in real life, you need to run, honey. Normal, decent men interested in healthy, longterm relationships don’t behave this way.

    That a guy doesn’t cheat on your and he “supports you” (I assume you mean financially? Providing a place to live?) are not good enough reasons to be and stay with someone. You need to cultivate some independent and support yourself and quit investing your time and energy into losers. A friends list full of “sexy women things,” as you call these profiles is a super easy way to tell whether a guy is a loser or not. MOA.

    April 19, 2018 at 8:27 am #750236

    FB stuff doesn’t bother me. See previous comments I’ve made on other posts. But this is icky. I knew a guy who taught high school and every day his Fb would say he liked all these nearly nude photos. Creeped me out. Especially considering his profession.

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    April 19, 2018 at 8:35 am #750239

    The people who are telling you to leave him are right. Who cares if their advice is hypocritical? Staying in a bad relationship just because other people are in bad relationships would be just as stupid as revenge. Besides, there are many more reasons to leave than just him adding random sexy woman on Facebook.

    You should leave because you’re unhappy being with a partner who spends hours every day playing cards at the bar (is he an alcoholic?). You should leave because you’re unhappy with a living situation that has you sharing a home with your partner’s ex for what sounds like more than 50% of the time. You should leave because your partner lied and gaslit you when you caught him red-handed sending random women friend requests and called him out on it. You should leave because when you express your unhappiness at his actions, he dismisses your feelings. You should leave because he cares more about friending strangers online than he does about you.

    April 19, 2018 at 8:48 am #750241

    Yes and yes to the above. A true “partner” cares about your feelings. I don’t want anyone at my house 5 nights a week especially the ex. There are those occurrences where you all end up being best friends but frankly even my best friend wouldn’t be at my house that often.

    April 19, 2018 at 9:14 am #750245

    The common theme here is that you choose bad men for yourself. How much older is he?

    As Wendy said, no man of quality that I know would have friended accounts like that, because it’s pretty gross and embarassing. You choose men who view women as objects to look at. You choose them. Something is off with the men that you are drawn to, or how you view yourself. What kind of breakdowns do you have? Are you seeing a doctor?

    You sound dependent upon him, and very unhappy.

    You need to work on building up your self esteem and confidence and learn to support yourself. Try being single and figuring out what you want in a partner. It will be hard, especially if you are unused to being alone or lonely. But it’s better to be alone, and independent than with someone whose behavior makes you feel bad about yourself, and who doesn’t respect you as an equal partner. Why is his ex over every night? Why doesn’t his child listen to you? It seems like he thinks or treats you like a child. That’s pure speculation, but that’s the feeling I get.

    April 19, 2018 at 9:28 am #750247

    Ok thank you for answering me
    However he isn’t an alcoholic and the child is more respectful, I’ve had to wait quite sometime to be at peace with the kid around
    And yes the ex is here overnight on most school days cause otherwise the kid won’t do his homework and because my partner saya that the kid shiuld get to spend time with his mother that otherwise he would suffer. I resent the sleeping here part the most

    April 19, 2018 at 9:40 am #750248

    So why can’t the kid go to his moms house? How old is he and his child?

    April 19, 2018 at 9:50 am #750250

    He also supports me during my mental breakdowns not only foes he not cheat..
    He listens to me..
    But he is pretty stubborn
    About the living arrangements

    He is 43 his kid 13..
    He already didn’t pass school and he only listens to his mother cause she is more strict
    She is 35 what bothers me is that she comes here with her baby girl of less than one yeargad from the relationship with her new boyfriend of nine years in her arms and
    The kid lives with me and my boyfriend..
    As a child he had decided to live with his dad

    Northern Star
    April 19, 2018 at 9:53 am #750251

    You’re attracted to losers. I’m sorry. I would recommend going to therapy to understand why you have such low standards for the men you date/live with. Or just break up and be single for awhile.

    April 19, 2018 at 3:17 pm #750260

    So the sexy women on facebook is the thing in all of this that bothers you?How long have you been together? and How long have you lived there? You say he’s not an alcoholic but is at a bar 5 out of 7 nights a week, but he is not a bartender. So do you mean he doesnt get drunk all 5 nights either way 5 nights in a bar/bar setting every week is pretty much an alcoholic whether you are drinking or not. The kid doesn’t live with you and your boyfriend; he lives with his father, you also live with his father. I’m not sure why you had to wait some time to be at peace with the kid living there, your 23 the kid is at least 6 to be in school with homework you don’t say when you started living there but I’m guessing the kid was there first. Which means the situation with the mom has always been there and while odd (very odd)it is there set up, deal with it or move out. He is 43, 20 years older than you and I’m not sure if you work but he is gone for 8-9 hours a day with work because someone has to pay bills and then 5 more hours for nonalcoholic time at the bar, even if sleeping is only 6 hours at night, and 3 hours for commuting/getting ready/etc, that leaves 2-3 hours with you and his kid. So what is the draw to him, does he pay for everything you want (not need want)? have a magic penis? I don’t get it when I was 23 to date a 43 year old with a kid and a live in ex I would have needed the good landrover and an expense account at Louis Vuitton.

    April 19, 2018 at 4:34 pm #750263

    “He doesn’t cheat on me” shouldn’t be a selling point. You’re partner shouldn’t cheat, period. No one worth being with cheats on their partner.

    The reason his kid doesn’t listen to you is you are young enough to be his sister. This relationship is unequal.

    Why does she come over and stay there, overnight, instead of having the kid go to her house, or she go home at night? You have no say in what goes on in his home, because he views you as a child, and so does his wife-am i right? This is so weird.

    Please, break up with him, and stop dating losers. That means, do not get into a relationship for awhile. Get a job and start taking care of yourself. You should not be in a relationship with a man twenty years your senior. I dated older men when I was young. It’s not because you are mature for your age, or an “old soul.” It’s because he wants someone who is young, damaged and subservient.

    If you regularly have breakdowns, you need to see a counselor or a therapist, not an older man.

    It’s your decision to stay in this dysfunctional relationship or leave and shoot for something better.

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