April 19, 2018 at 5:06 pm #750264
As many nights as he spends at the bar with his friends, you can’t possibly know whether he cheats or not. I’d guess some of those nights are spent with other women.
Also, from your description of how often the ex and her two kids are at his house and how often he is at the bar/other women, it sounds like you are spending most of your time alone with the ex and her two kids, while he is off elsewhere. That’s a shitty relationship.
How old are you? Do you work, or are you totally dependent upon this guy for food and shelter? I hope you have a professional, rather than just this loser helping you through your mental breakdowns. He certainly seems neither qualified nor all that interested in staying home to help you.
I don’t get it? His ex’s current bf is okay with her spending every week night at your bf’s house. It’s like she is almost a homeless person.April 20, 2018 at 5:11 am #750280
Ok ladies. Thank you but too many assumptions don’t help..at all
anonymousse and JD I could relate on here the most
There are more details to this whole story but my boyfriend has saved me from a nasty situation at work
I did have my own savings, was ready to leave last year but I am still here
He makes me feel accepted but then again he is very one way minded about certain things, open minded about life options.
He isn’t a loser maybe many could say that but he used to own a lot of money he still owns the expensive items from the golden age but things went badly obviously
My two exes I picked on a dating site, complete losers, this guy is more mature..
The kid doesn’t listen to him either or his grandma he only obeys his own mother
My partner isn’t working all the time and we are living off of savings might start working again next week
The living arrangement I have complained about and he says he wants to change it eventually
His mother and his grandma buy the kid certain techonologic items, not very expensive,but as we pay for a much larger house rent than the one that the kid’s mother lives in we can’t afford to buy everything for the kid so we try to cooperate
Yes he is much older but the best I’be had
And therapy is expensive
So here I am I have to use what I have to be happyApril 20, 2018 at 5:13 am #750281
Isn’t a loser,not maybe, he isn’t I typed wrongApril 20, 2018 at 5:54 am #750282
Has anything changed since the last time you wrote in for advice?April 20, 2018 at 6:41 am #750283
You aren’t happy. I’m sure he did “save you” from a bad situation, but you are an adult, who can and should be supporting herself. You said yourself, you are all living off his savings, supposedly. What do you think is going to happen when the money is gone? Who will be the first to go? You aren’t family, or the mother to his child.
You are right therapy and counselors are expensive, unless you find one that accepts low income, no income, or sliding scale payments. There are even apps that can connect you with a counselor now. And considering your “breakdowns” you might have more fine tuned hotlines to call for advice and help.
He will continue to like, friend and whatever else with young flirty accounts because it gives him a thrill, and he doesn’t care if it bothers you. He doesn’t respect you as an equal partner. I’m sure the sex is fun for him.
But really, what are you going to do when this is over? You need to start preparing yourself for that.
What was the issue and advice last time? I’m curious.April 20, 2018 at 7:32 am #750287
Find a way to go to counseling. You need to figure out the patterns in your life that draw you into crappy relationships because this…is honestly sad. I hope you find a way to want more for yourself in the future. In the meantime please double up on birth control. This scenario does not need another child.April 20, 2018 at 7:49 am #750290
We are already on the edge here and he would never kick me out. Lol he is Not an alcoholic I insist
The Facebook thing does bother me
However he does Not spend nights at the bar, he never goes to bars at night, he stays home with me every evening
He does not drink either outside he doesn’t enjoy things like that
And please don’t tell me to use birth control cause we can’t pay rent yet my last priority is to give birth to a child
The ex isn’t homeless, she has an apartment rented out with her partnerApril 20, 2018 at 8:02 am #750291
I mean, you wrote in with the following information: your boyfriend is un/underemployed, spends hours every day at the bar with his buddies, lets his ex come to your home with her other kid and stay there full time most of the week over your objections, has an endlessly growing list of Facebook friends that are young, scantily clad/nude accounts, and he completely ignores you and refuses to change any of this despite being fully aware that you are not ok with any of this.
Literally everyone on here has told you to leave. And instead of listening you are now defending the situation and claiming you are happy. Why even write in then? This situation will literally NEVER change. It will not get better, it will only get worse. This relationship will never be one where you are prioritized and valued the way you want to be. You can get yourself into therapy even though it is expensive (reach out to local nonprofits, research sliding scale or free mental health services in your area, call 211 if you are in a state that supports it), find steady work, get the hell away from this jerk, and start a happy life for yourself. Or you can decide you want to stay and suck it up and stay. Defending this relationship to seem better than it is isn’t working. You aren’t fooling anyone except yourself. You know the right thing to do, now either do it or accept things as they are. Things will stay the same or continue to get worse until you decide you’ve had enough.April 20, 2018 at 8:13 am #750292
Ok, glad everything is ok then. 👍April 20, 2018 at 8:30 am #750293
When someone loves you and you love that person you want to find the reason to stay
I accept the critiques I just don’t like being told don’t have children I’m not ignorant I know that I am kind of compromising myself here but This is Really hard for me
I can’t just wave a magic wand and suddenly have to will and the money to leave
I left my parents home at 21 to be independent
He is a Kind man
You did nail it on the fact that we both aren’t working,he doesn’t really want me to work alone
The ex is here most of the time
With her baby
The bar thing
And the facebook thing
And yes I might have made a mistake in advice here
I feel like I owe him and not only
There’s underlying issues I can’t just leave all of a sudden
I understand a man’s need to watch pornography but the facebook thimg has got me feeling short and small,just another piece of meat. And then I feel dumb cause Facebook is just supposed to be some social media thingyApril 20, 2018 at 9:10 am #750298
Ok, he’s not an alcoholic. But if my wondering if he might be was the only thing you took away from my advice then you don’t really want advice, do you? You want a magic solution that will make him suddenly start treating you with respect.
You don’t owe him anything. You can never owe someone your love or sex or a relationship. Loving someone is compelling, but it’s not enough to stay. Most people who end relationships loved each other. They leave because the relationship isn’t working or because the person they love isn’t treated them with respect.
Guys who send friend requests to sexy/nude accounts of women they don’t know in real life are losers. They are. Especially the ones who do it while in a relationship. No matter what he’s done for you or how kind he is, no matter that everyone watches porn. I watch porn, but I wouldn’t send a friend request to a porn star because 1. that’s disgusting, 2. they’re not my friend, and 3. I respect my husband and wouldn’t treat him that poorly.
If you want to be independent get a job. Not working because your partner isn’t working and doesn’t want you to be working alone is stupid and sounds controlling on his part.April 20, 2018 at 9:16 am #750299
You left to be independent? You aren’t.
He doesn’t want you to work alone? WTF does that even mean.
You are brain washed. And enough with wha wha about the not having kids things. People are saying that so you aren’t stuck with this controlling nut for life.
Your head is buried so far in the sand it’s concerning. Get a damn job and support yourself and move out.