April 20, 2018 at 9:30 am #750302
I don’t want her to be stuck but what I really care about is not subjecting another child to this dysfunction.April 20, 2018 at 9:34 am #750303
Well JD I think you should understand that this is a tough situation cause I can’t go back to my parents either don’t get along with them
I did have 4000 and more euros saved last year to leave but then I felt love for him and couldn’t leave
He wants to marry me and have kids someday he keeps saying that when we start talking about the future
Thank you Lucidity,some calm talk is aporeciated
And yes I have never been chased by boys so I was more easy to approach and take
However I have stayed here more than one year cause he has showed me love and extreme kindness
When I most needed those things
Sometimes I just want to smack him with a bat though cause he makes me have to say to him “you are just like every other man, a pig” then he makes it become a joke saying I brought you home cause I love you not these whores. So whatever I suppose it’s all confusing and Yes burying my head in the sand sometimes is easier cause I don’t know how to act and yeshe wants to work together not separately. He doesn’t trust me much. Trust me I’d be more judgy if I weren’t living the situation but here I am I spent 8000 euros of savings in here now I have 30 euros so yeah.April 20, 2018 at 9:55 am #750304
Julie unlike the kid’s mom I would not give birth to a child in conditions where I can’t afford to pay rent and bills with safety.April 20, 2018 at 10:02 am #750305
So you can’t pay rent, he’s out playing cards all day, the ex is there all the time…and I imagine with not being able to pay rent you are thisclose to being evicted.
You need to get a job, regardless of what he does or does not want you doing. What do you mean working alone (is he seriously this controlling?)?
You are not independent. You are totally dependent on an older man to take care of you an older man who has no income. Who doesn’t pay rent. Who is NOT in reality taking care of you!
The fucking Facebook thing is the least of your worries. Seriously.
He likes sexy girl pictures because he likes tits. And has no decency or reason to look like any sort of moral person to all of his Facebook friends.
Most heterosexual men like boobs, but most of them also separate that from their public social media accounts. Because it’s pretty gross and embarrassing to show the world what you are into, sexually, on social media.
You have NOTHING to lose by leaving. This is not a healthy relationship. He doesn’t trust you (probably projection!) controls all that you do, doesn’t respect you or your feelings, etc etc.
Good luck having children with this old dude who doesn’t let you work or respect you. Where are you going to find the money and stability for that?
Ps. The reason none of those “whores” are living with him is because they can probably see what a dead end living with him is. Just saying.April 20, 2018 at 10:03 am #750306
OK, Corrine, you now say he doesn’t spend his nights at the bar, but you say he does spend 5 hours a day at the bar with his friends. That’s a lot of time when he should be working, but also could be cheating. Are all his friends also unemployed, such that they can spend 5 hours a day at the bar. And you are all living off his savings. This sounds extremely dysfunctional as Juliecatherine says..April 20, 2018 at 10:08 am #750307
OK -I don’t think this guy is a bad person. I also don’t think he’s a great person. I also think you need to get your ass in gear and take charge of your own life. I don’t say that maliciously but I say that because you spent your savings to live with this guy and it sounds like you’re not working and he’s not working and that’s just foolish.
He’s not looking for work – he’s playing cards with his friend all day correct? But he doesn’t want you to work? So his plan is to spend all of his savings? That’s ridiculous and just plan irresponsible. Especially since he’s in his 40’s.
It sounds like he likes being the “big man” and wants to support you but can’t and isn’t doing anything about that. It sounds like he is fine with other people taking on his responsibilities – you can’t make the kid do his work – so his EX COMES OVER TO YOUR HOUSE to do that. Why? Where is he? Too busy playing cards to take care of his son? He’s not working – so why isn’t he parenting.
Nice isn’t a good enough reason to stay in a situation that makes you unhappy. If nothing else, outline what you expect from him and if he doesn’t think he can do that – then you need to move on.
You can’t change him. You can’t make him do anything. You can only control your behavior.April 20, 2018 at 10:15 am #750309
I still want to know what not working alone means. You both need to grow up and gets jobs. Him stopping you from working is so controlling. Opens a whole new can of worms with your issues. Run don’t walk. You had money saved but then fell in love? So you support his broke, jobless ass.
You don’t want to hear logic, you have an excuse for everything. This will blow up. I just hope you aren’t physically harmed in the process because his controlling behavior is step one to abuse.April 20, 2018 at 10:17 am #750310
He’s gambling, I bet.
She’s not in a position to make any demands, because he controls everything. And she’s totally dependent and isn’t strong enough to see that she needs to leave.
I can’t even imagine why the ex is there all the time. She leaves her bf to parent her child (because he isn’t) at this mans house, instead of her own.
Why hasn’t she just taken her son home? Weird. All weird, all around.
Good luck, Corinne.April 20, 2018 at 10:17 am #750311
If you don’t get a job and leave, you are wasting your life with a loser. So keep on keeping on if you don’t care about yourself and your future.April 20, 2018 at 11:56 am #750312
NS — probably true. And guys who spend 5 hrs/day at bars typically drink — they typically drink a lot. If they don’t drink, then the bartender is likely to request that they move along.April 20, 2018 at 12:47 pm #750317
Exactly what NS said. A father who is unemployed with no income at 43, who spends all day playing cards at a bar is totally the definition of a loser. Add a 23 year old gf to the mix and it just compounds the issue.April 20, 2018 at 1:10 pm #750320
Look, I’m sure you love him and I’m sure he has good things in him. He supports you during your mental break downs, he listens to you and he makes you feel accepted. Those are good qualities.
But he also makes you feel short and small, like just another piece of meat. He friends sexy and flirty women on Facebook and calls them “whores”. If that’s the way he talks about women, no wonder you feel short and small. The fact that he doesn’t talk that way about you (at least to your face) means nothing. The fact that he says he respects you means nothing. He doesn’t respect or trust women. All women. You included. If he did, he would want what is best for you, which is for you to get a job. The fact that he doesn’t want you to work “alone” and without him, because he’s scared that you’ll cheat on him (ie. find someone better), is so beyond controlling, abusive and insulting that for that reason alone, you need to leave.
I know that it’s hard to leave someone you love. I know that it’s hard to see how they are hurting you, when they’ve also done so much good. But honey, he’s not going to change. He isn’t doing anything to get his life back on track and he’s keeping you there in the bottom with him. That isn’t loving behaviour. It is the behaviour of a small, scared man, who is trying to make himself feel bigger by making you and other women feel small around him. Is that really someone you want to be with?
You are not small. You are bigger and stronger than your own thoughts allow you to be. You are bigger and stronger than he allows you to be. And you know what? He isn’t the one who’s in control of your future and yourself. You are. He doesn’t trust you. So trust yourself instead. And don’t let anyone who doesn’t trust you make you feel small.