Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My boyfriend refuses to let me meet his family or admit to them he's dating

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice My boyfriend refuses to let me meet his family or admit to them he's dating

This topic contains 20 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar dinoceros 2 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 9 posts - 13 through 21 (of 21 total)
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  • #847633 Reply
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    Hazel

    You mention his reputation with previous women being a potential factor- reputation for what?

    #847634 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    He needs to communicate with you. If he can’t articulate the issue and clarify that he doesn’t want his family in his business – then you have to assume that he is ashamed of you.

    This is a huge red flag either way. Either he’s a jerk or you would be marrying into crazy.

    #847635 Reply
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    golfer.gal

    Allornone, do you believe your boyfriend would have gone so far as to physically move away from you in a freaking church to prevent being seen with you in front of a family member? Do you have multiple young children and you moved your boyfriend in with you after 16 weeks of dating? Did you allow those children to become extremely close to your boyfriend without really knowing anyone in his life, and put them in a position to be devastated if things wouldn’t work out between you two? Did your boyfriend openly and repeatedly lie about dating you, and then complain TO YOU when he was forced to stop lying? This guy is telling her loud and clear he doesn’t respect her or even really give a shit about her. Which, if she’s cool with that, fine. But there are multiple children involved that are in for a revolving door of asshole boyfriends showing up then disappearing if this LW doesn’t make better decisions. Hell, even if this guy was the bees knees, at 16 weeks her kids should not even know he exists, let alone be sharing a house with him and loving him. It’s toying with their emotions and it’s cruel. Keeping their lives stable and only introducing them to a boyfriend you have vetted thoroughly and been in a stable relationship without red flags for months is the only thing to do.

    #847637 Reply
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    Kate Avery

    I agree completely, golfer.gal, especially regarding the children (I don’t have children, but if I did, it’d be a six-month minimum before any potential dude met them; lord knows I met too many of my mom’s bfs as a kid). The situations are very different and hers is very messed up. I had hoped the differences would make her realize how he should be behaving. My boyfriend is a very private person who is not close to and slightly embarrassed by his immediate family. That’s okay. He didn’t talk to them about me and I didn’t meet them for a long time. Not ideal, sure, but he never actively hid me, lied about our relationship, or disrespected my feelings. He was honest the entire time, willing to talk about it, and when it became important to me, he responded accordingly. This dude is doing the complete opposite.

    #847638 Reply
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    Allornone

    sorry, the Kate Avery post is by me (as the avatar suggests). I don’t know why I keep doing that.

    #847645 Reply
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    Sarah

    GIANT RED FLAGS WAVING IN YOUR FACE

    #847706 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Whenever you see someone routinely lying to those around them you need to assume that they will/are lying to you in the same way. If he doesn’t want them to know something he lies about it. If he doesn’t want you to know something he will lie about it. That’s how he handles difficult conversations. When you begin to realize that someone is routinely lying you need to move on immediately. Don’t assume that you are more special than his family or that he will magically learn to talk to you when he has never learned to talk to them. He avoids the unpleasant. Sooner or later you will need to have an unpleasant conversation. He’ll lie.

    #847708 Reply

    He’s not excited to be with you. He doesn’t want his family to know. And what happens to your kids when this goes tits up and he ghosts you? They are going to be the ones who are hurt. You shouldn’t let him stay over or play daddy, because at this point he isn’t integrating you into his life. He’s keeping you at an arms length and LYING. He’s lying to his family about you, and he’s most likely lying to you. Have you googled him? Have you asked him why he’s keeping you a secret?

    You need to be more careful of who you bring into your children’s life.

    #847950 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    You guys have moved way too fast. Especially for someone who has kids. (When you guys break up and your kids are sad and wonder where he went, you’ll see why.) You should never move in with someone who actively hides you from people in his life.

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