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Dear Wendy

my boyfriend slept with my friend after we broke up

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by avatar hazel 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #749704 Reply
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    Megan

    So I was dating my boyfriend for a year and half and eventually things got complicated because we both weren’t happy and i began getting too jealous about my friend who i always thought would flirt with my boyfriend. we spent a year apart and grew up a bit and started talking once again and got back together and it’s been about 5 months and things are great. he decided to be honest with me and told me that he slept with my friend and another friend several times while drunk after we broke up. and i had slept with his friend for several months after we broke up. we didn’t talk for 2 weeks out of shock and being hurt but wanted to work it out because things were going so well. so it’s been 3 months that we’ve known each other’s secrets. the problem is even though i stopped sleeping with his friend s long time ago, we remained close friends and still hang out a lot and my boyfriend is having a hard time but supports the friendship and he doesn’t talk to either of my 2 friends and neither do i. but i keep having dreams about her and him and it’s making me crazy. i know i’ve made mistakes as well but i can’t seem to get past this. what should i do to move on from the past to better my relationship?

    #749706 Reply

    1) You were broken up so neither of you have a say in who the other person can sleep with. A break up is break up. If he slept with a hundred girls during the break up that’s not your business and vice versa.
    2) You slept with his friend so… you don’t get to be mad at him for doing the exact same thing that you did. Hello pot, meet kettle!
    3) You should probably stop hanging out with his friend that you slept with, it makes shit awkward.
    4) Work on your insecurity and jealousy or your relationship will keep going off the rails.
    5) Both of you should grow up.

    #749707 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    What Cleo said. Neither of you has the maturity to navigate this. Just break up now rather than wasting another year figuring out the relationship is broken.

    #749708 Reply
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    JD

    Ya I cannot today with this. Grow up.

    #749709 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    PS. Sleeping with your ex’s friends is a pretty douchey move even if it’s not technically ‘wrong’. Don’t do that in the future unless you want pointless drama.

    #749711 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    It seems to me that both of you did the exact same thing after your breakup, so neither one of you has any right to be upset with the other.

    But good heavens, broaden your social circle a little. All this random sex and dating and friendships in the same pool of people is only going to lead to drama. As you’ve just found out.

    #749712 Reply
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    Northern Star

    Seems to me that you have a lousy relationship and lousy friends. You all deserve each other. Yuck.

    You’re almost certainly going to boink your “close friend” again. Might as well break up with the boyfriend now so you’re not cheating when you do it.

    #749713 Reply
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    brise

    Well, you could just ignore all this given that it all happened while you were broken up!! But raise the bar a little, you seem all quite primitive…

    #749714 Reply
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    TheHizzy

    You can’t seem to get over it.

    MOA and don’t sleep with ex’s friends. It’s just messy.

    #749715 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Move on from this relationship. You broke up once before for good reason, and most couples who get back together don’t stay together. You say your jealousy was part of that reason and, well, you’re still jealous!

    Like everyone else is saying, what he did when you were broken up is none of your business! I’ve never understood people who need to share with their SOs the details of the sex life they had before they got together. What purpose does that serve? It wasn’t a great idea to sleep with his friend (or for him to sleep with yours), but it was a truly stupid idea to share the details with one another. You make it sound like this is the kind of honesty couples owe one another, but it isn’t.

    #749716 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    I am not seeing the problem here. You were broken up. Is it that he slept with two of your friends and you only slept with one of his friends?

    What do you want to happen? Time travel doesn’t exist in this universe, at least not that we’re aware of. You can’t go back and change anything. You have to decide what you want moving forward. Same for him. If you can both live within those needs -great. If not… time to MOA. And maybe get better friends who don’t flirt with your boyfriend.

    #749719 Reply
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    Northern Star

    Copa, if you’re out having sex with your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend’s friends, then I think telling your ex when you reunite is necessary so there aren’t any dirty secrets in the friend group. And if having sex with ill-chosen people is a problem that can’t be overcome, then you have no business getting back together.

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