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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My ex said I lost my chance…..

Home Forums Advice & Chat My ex said I lost my chance…..

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  • #1116133 Reply
    cns82
    Participant

    I left my ex 6 months ago. He cheated on me, we got back together and then I realized I needed to heal from what he did and other things that happened. Since I broke up with him, he has asked to see me literally every week for 6 months. I was not ready…it was too emotionally difficult for me.

    He didn’t seem to understand this. He would get upset and block me, ignore me and shut me out instead of being patient and understanding. He also dated others yet would tell me how much he loves me, etc. He honestly delayed my healing with the games and silent treatments. He is 37 and I would think a man this age would understand.

    Anytime I would decide to see him, he would pull another silly stunt by shutting me out. The last time he asked me, I was finally ready but couldn’t see him the day he wanted. He wouldn’t hear it and didn’t take into account my schedule. This isn’t the first time. He told me I missed my chance and I wasn’t ready the other times so why now? He told me to walk in his shoes and understand why he felt the way he did. It really hurt me he said this because with what he put me through, and explaining it all…it didn’t make a difference. I have expressed my feelings to the point of exhaustion.

    He put the blame on me and it’s really messed my head and emotions up. No matter what i said, did or no matter how good I was to him when I should have just told him to leave me alone it didn’t help. It had to be his way. I also never really received a genuine apology or remorse. My head is messed up and I need some advice or words of wisdom. Thank you.

    • This topic was modified 2 days, 12 hours ago by cns82.
    • This topic was modified 2 days, 12 hours ago by cns82.
    #1116138 Reply
    Tui
    Participant

    Don’t expect an apology or explanations for why he’s treated you badly. Just block him in every way and do not respond to anything, even if he seems to be trying to win you back. Then, therapy.

    #1116141 Reply
    Avatar photoPhoebe
    Guest

    100% agree with Tui. He’s messing with you, on purpose. He doesn’t want to be with you, he wants to be the person in control and who broke up with you, not the other way around.

    Every time you give him attention you’re hurting yourself and giving him what he wants. The only thing to do is block him so you aren’t agonizing over every text and get help.

    #1116144 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Walk in his shoes? Did he ever walk a meter in yours?

    You are so much better without this game playing awful person. He’s manipulative and controlling. Please move on and maybe some therapy as this person crossed every boundary you set and then blamed you for it.

    #1116145 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Yes to what Tui and Phoebe said. It sounds like he has really deep issues, and that you should block him for your own mental well-being. I don’t really think he cares about what really happened, he just wants to blame you.

    When you break up, just break up and go. They don’t deserve more time or explanation or chances with you. Don’t let men cheat and then tell you they deserve another chance, every week for six months. You don’t need to give anyone your time, let alone an idiot who cheated on you. That’s never going to work.

    #1116146 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    And what Leslie said!

    #1116148 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    Second the suggestion to speak to a therapist. I can appreciate the desire to hear someone who cheated on you apologize sincerely, understand the pain and damage they’ve caused, and take accountability. But, I don’t think you will ever get that. And if you do, I don’t think it will make you feel any better. Nothing he can say will undo what he’s done the past six months. Work with a therapist to get the closure you think an apology would give you. You will get your peace of mind back faster when you cut this guy off entirely.

    #1116149 Reply
    Fyodor
    Guest

    Half the world is men*. You can find someone who won’t cheat on you and then demand you forgive him and then get outraged when you don’t do it fast enough. Though I agree that it would be better to maybe take some time off from dating and see a therapist.

    *Learn about this and more in Fyodor’s Almanac of Amazing but True Facts. Available for 49.99 on Amazon.

    #1116155 Reply
    Oracle
    Guest

    Remorse or an apology from this guy? Dream on. Some people just like to mess with your head. When people tell you who they are believe them. Go no contact.

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