Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My family is worried about me spending New Year’s Eve alone

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  • #862701 Reply
    avatarLala
    Guest

    This year, I will probably be spending New Year’s Eve at home, by myself. My family members are either on vacation or at their friends’ houses and my friends are all out partying. I’m not much of a party person. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t like staying up late and whenever I get tired I get grumpy very easily. That’s why the thought of joining my friends or even joining my parents’ at their friends’ dinner party just doesn’t do it for me. I prefer staying at home, cooking some food, relaxing and watching the fireworks from our balcony.

    I am an introvert and I usually spend a lot of time by myself. I actually enjoy being by myself because I get to do exactly what I want, but also because spending a lot of time around people drains my energy. My family knows that and they usually don’t have any problem with it but because New Year’s Eve is a holiday, they all seem to have a bad conscience for “leaving” me alone that night. They constantly ask me if I have finally made plans with someone or if I don’t want to join them.

    I honestly don’t mind being alone because I’ve never thought of New Year’s Eve as an important holiday (Christmas is much more important to me and I will be spending it with my whole family), but seeing my family care so much about me and having a bad conscience makes me have a bad conscience for making them worry. I’ve told them a few times that I’m okay with being alone but they still seem to be worried about me. What can I do to ease their mind?

    #862776 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Just keep telling them you’ll be happy having a night to yourself.

    #862846 Reply
    SkyblossomSkyblossom
    Participant

    Try to phrase your reply in a way that takes away their concern.

    Instead of saying that you are okay say that you are looking forward to spending the evening alone. Tell them you look forward to being able to relax and that you want to watch the fireworks from your balcony.

    #862848 Reply
    CurlyQueCurlyQue
    Participant

    Maybe if you go into some detail regarding your plan they’ll feel better.

    i.e.

    I’m really excited to watch such and such and work on such and such and the view of the fireworks from the balcony is amazing! I appreciate you inviting me to your event but i’m looking forward to some “me” time.

    #862854 Reply
    Guy FridayGuy Friday
    Participant

    Instead of saying that you are okay say that you are looking forward to spending the evening alone. Tell them you look forward to being able to relax and that you want to watch the fireworks from your balcony.

    100% this. They feel guilty because they feel like you’re saying you’re OK so you don’t worry them, and they don’t want to feel like they ignored you when you needed them because they love you. If they understood that this is honestly the dream scenario for you — and, not for nothing, but it sounds like a great night to me too! — they’d probably be much more comfortable.

    When I have this happen for me, I compromise: I tell them to text me a picture of the party at some point, and I’ll text them a picture of what I’m doing back. That way they feel like they’re still wishing me a happy night, and honestly I can muster the energy for a couple of texts while watching a movie.

    #862856 Reply
    CurlyQueCurlyQue
    Participant

    A compromise option would be, to go to your family’s dinner party and then leave in the late evening so that you still get alone time.

    #863496 Reply
    avatarDanielle
    Guest

    I have the same issue with my husband. For him, his guilt over leaving me home alone trumps my need for alone time. There is no reason for him to feel bad about it, because he married an introvert staying home is *what I want* in these situations, but he refuses to believe that I could possibly want to hang out on the couch with my dog and watch Law & Order reruns while he’s out with his friends. It drives me bonkers. We haven’t yet discussed New Years, but I’m sure it will be an issue. I feel you OP!

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