Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My family treats me like an outcast

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  • #1095482 Reply

    I drove several hundred miles to be there for my family in a time of need. I am paying to stay in a hotel and eating out every night. When I show up places, some of them don’t even bother to say hi, some of them even look right thru me like I’m not even there. In fact, my one cousin totally ignored me the one day I went to their house, sat within view of the glass front door, told the dog to shut up and waited for me to leave. Yesterday they did family pictures and I had to find out from a family friend. Today everyone got together and no one let me know about it. I have no idea why they’re behaving like this, but I think it’s crappy and downright bullshit. I feel like I can’t say anything because there are bigger things going on right now. But I don’t want to be around them. I have terrible anxiety and they’re just setting me off. Tomorrow is my aunt’s funeral and I don’t even want to go because I don’t want to face them. Any advice on getting through this would be helpful. TYIA.

    #1095489 Reply

    I can’t know why, but they clearly don’t consider you family. Go to the funeral, then return to your home. Ask your parents about a break between themselves and this part of your family. You are getting caught up in your parents’ strife with their family.

    #1095508 Reply

    If you truly have no idea why they are behaving this way, then you have two options here, either you talk to the person you are closest to and trust the most or you just walk away from this branch of your family.

    If I had family members that were former or current addicts and had stolen from me or other family members, I wouldn’t let them in my house. If family members aren’t vaccinated – not coming in the house. I’m saying sometimes people know the reason they’re not welcome, so if you truly have no idea, ask the person that told you to come help the family in the first place. And if one person is being shitty, avoid them and stick to the other family members.

    You don’t have to make this a huge deal. You can ask a question and see if you get an answer. You can raise an issue and address it constructively without it being a big thing.

    #1095939 Reply

    I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

    #1095966 Reply

    Wait — did this cousin just lose his/her mom? Are they perhaps grief-stricken? In emotional pain?
    Are you vaccinated? Are they? Does this happen a lot or only this weekend?
    Saying that they’re blowing you off on the weekend of a funeral — no. Everyone gets the benefit of the doubt on that occasion.

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