Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My fiancé lied about… everything!

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar ron 1 month, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #804491 Reply

    Hi thank you all for the replies! Yes I do intent on going to therapy. Appointments are made I will be going soon.

    So he never gave me much to work with. He played the in hurt by the past and I don’t want to talk about it card. He’d get mad every time I bought it up. I respect his wishes for a long time.

    But then the alcoholic side of him played into effect. I found out he lied about quitting drinking after he didn’t pay a lot of the household bills and put a lock on the spare bedroom door so I couldn’t get in there but he had been drinking Excessively ad hiding liquor in the couch of that room.

    He’d manipulate me and cause fights with me every time I bring these person life things up and or talked about my suspicions of his alcoholism. He’d make me cry after fighting me verbally making me feel like the bad guy.

    I had enough and I left. But he brought up unresolved issues I had with him from the past like why he never got his marine benefits and he’d say oh I’m going to get them now… after I left. I guess to try to drag me back?

    That’s when I contacted someone he knew but kept away from me. He told me the truth. Then I backed it up with his father who I learned existed and now I got clarification on all the lies, but I don’t understand why he lied about everything. His father doesn’t understand why either. I feel more at peace knowing the truth. But it still saddens me to have wasted my time with a guy I didn’t even know.

    #804587 Reply

    There are some people out there that simply can’t tell the truth. Some folks lie because they think it makes them sound more interesting (soldier who got shot). Sometimes they lie because it makes them more appealing (university degree, religion, job). Sometimes they lie because it forces an emotional response (orphan).

    But some people can’t tell the truth about anything -it’s like an illness. What they ate for breakfast, what tv show they watched. It’s like the truth is poison ivy and they just have to stay away.

    You unfortunately got caught by a master manipulator -someone who would duck and weave anytime you questioned him – who made it your fault for “not trusting” or your fault for “bringing up bad memories”. He created this cloud of doubt but turned it back on you to just love him enough to ignore all of the red flags. It’s not an easy thing to see through – and you can’t blame yourself for not being suspicious and being deceived by someone who spends their life deceiving people. It’s like beating your self up for not beating Usain Bolt at a foot race.

    #804590 Reply

    He told you lots of significant lies. It doesn’t matter why. Focus on healing yourself and don’t even bother with his motivation. He probably can’t even fully explain it to himself. He’s pathological. Just forget him and move on. Therapy is a good idea, but to understand yourself, not to try to figure out why he would do this to you or if there was anything you could have done differently to make him be honest with you. There wasn’t. I’m sure he was very convincing.

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