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Dear Wendy

My fiances best friend gives me anxiety!

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This topic contains 39 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by Skyblossom Skyblossom 1 week, 5 days ago.

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  • #761233 Reply
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    Olivia

    Myfiance has a best friend who he has known for 20+ years.
    At the beginning of our relationship his best friend was very supportive and great towards me…. all until we got engaged and i fell pregnant to our then first child. The best friend began with commenting on what my fiance should be doing in our relationship, commenting if my name was first on our invitation, indirectly commenting towards me via my fiance. I had enough of this at the engagement where i told him to mind his own business.. i was then 7 months pregnant, and he confronted me at my own engagement and asked me what my problem was. I found this inappropriate, and i was also defensive as this night was supposed to be one of the best nights for my fiance and i.. yet his best friend had to act himself and hurt my feelings.
    My fiance allows his best friend to comment as he wishes, yet my fiance does not acknowledge any of it. and sometimes laughs it off with him. I aksed my fiance why he doesnt answer back or tell him to back off from my regard and he insists he doesnt want to stoop as low as his best friend. Yet i disagree.. id like my fiance to tell his best friend to back off, to show some sort of respect for me. And if anything NOT TO TALK ABOUT ME!
    My fiance insists his best friend has always been like this.. but i dont care. People change, people get into relationships, if your close friends do not adjust with you, how can they be considered a best friend?
    I personally think hes jealous.. however each to their own. Worry about your own relationship and life. BUT.. this still fires me up, as i cannot get over the engagement night. AND.. i have no idea how to deal with this as i dont want this annoying man to feel he can CONTINUALLY get away with it. I would never allow someone to speak about me or my fiance or ANYTHING or ANYONE in direction of him. But i do not understand how my fiance can just brush it under the rug.

    Regards,
    ANNOYED BABY MAMMA!

    #761238 Reply
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    JD

    I’m kind of confused why this guy is so awful? You don’t say what he did specifically at your engagement party and beyond that you mention he said how names should be addressed (maybe he was right and offering knowledge he had?) and that he tells you what to do in your relationship. It’s just so vague i have a hard time offering up advice because if you’re flying off the handle over someone telling you how an envelope should be address then obviously that’s ridiculous but some specific examples could help.

    #761242 Reply
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    Fyodor

    The feiend doesn’t tell her how to behave, he tells his friend the fiance. I assume that the “indirect,” commentary to her is saying things to the fiance, who repeats them.

    #761244 Reply
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    Fyodor

    It sounds like she is very insecure in her relationship so she needs to exercise dictatorial control over her fiance to compensate. The friend, who teased her fiance over the invitation has to go.

    #761248 Reply
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    Olivia

    Hi all..
    He was telling my fiance to call the printers to change the arrangement of our names on the invitation as my fiance should be first, telling my fiance that if his partner did that he would not marry her and that he is a push over for ‘allowing me’ to do so.. He laughed at anything romantic we had on the day.
    He continually comments on how far away we live, and how my fiance lives off me as i purchased the house prior to our relationship (little does he know about who pays what, and he shouldn’t either). The list goes on, he just aaaaaaalways has to comment. My fiance told me that if he heard him speak to me the way he did at the engagement he would of then said something to him to back off ,but because he wasnt there.. he cannot as its like im repeating what he did. But my fiance does the same thing with his best friends comments.

    #761255 Reply
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    JD

    Sounds like he is right about all those things besides where you chose to live but my best friend wishes I lived closer too.

    #761258 Reply
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    Olivia

    Even if you think he is right, your support and advice here, is pathetic.

    #761265 Reply
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    JD

    I never offered support. Pathetic is being this insecure in your relationship and flying off the handle because you don’t know the proper way to write engagement announcements. You are jealous clearly and your relationship will fail if you keep it up. Have fun with that.

    #761267 Reply
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    JD

    I should also note that advice is not telling you you’re right it’s offering the correct opinion regarding the situation. The point of advice is usually to tell you the opposite of what you want to hear because if it is what you already knew to be true, you’d already be doing it.

    #761268 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Honestly? I, too, am confused. Your case against him has NOT been well argued. He teases your fiance, it seems? Eh. Okay. Deal with it.
    .
    PS — “fell pregnant?” So… What exactly happened? Were you both innocently running around naked and then just tripped and fell on his dick?

    #761271 Reply
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    MissD
    Participant

    “Fell pregnant” is a UK/British English term. It may sound stupid to us but it’s normal there.

    I didn’t even read the letter yet so I have no idea if the rest of it sounds stupid. Will go read now.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by avatar MissD.
    #761274 Reply
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    MissD
    Participant

    Ok, I am also having a hard time understanding what the friend did that was so bad. Sounds like he made a few comments, giving his opinion when it wasn’t welcome? Maybe you feel like he has been criticizing your choices? It’s not quite clear from your letter or your follow ups.

    Next time he criticizes the way you do things, just say “Hey man, you do what works for you and we’ll do what works for us.”

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