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My Fiances brother is dating my fiances ex girlfriend

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This topic contains 66 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar Hazel 2 months ago.

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  • #814986 Reply
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    Mila

    I need advice. My fiance’s brother is dating my fiance’s ex girlfriend. They have been dating for 2 years and I have dealt with it. (I don’t believe she is dating him for the right reasons) In August my boyfriend proposed. His family pushed me to put his brothers girlfriend in my wedding party. I ended up asking her and she has shown zero interest in anything to do with the wedding. This has brought up all of the feelings that I pushed down for the past 2 years. I want to take her out of my wedding party because I cant stand the thought of walking down the isle on my wedding day and have my husbands ex standing up there beside me when she is not even supportive and more envious then anything. I need to remove her from our wedding party but this whole process has just been causing major fights between my fiance and I. He is more worried about the repercussions of removing her. I dont’ know what to do.

    #814992 Reply
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    JD

    You really need to get over your jealousy. She is dating a whole other person. Doesn’t sound like she has any interest in your man or she wouldn’t agree to be in the wedding. Also you dislike her so much but are mad she isn’t participating? I mean what do you want? You have her staying away when you want her away. So she stands next to you for 20 mins and is at your reception with her boyfriend. She was going to come with him regardless. Don’t kick her out or you’ll cause huge problems. I don’t think you should be getting married at all though as you have jealousy issues and are too immature.

    #814997 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Seriously. Grow the fuck up.

    #815001 Reply
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    ele4phant

    This isn’t your problem. If she’s still hung up on your soon-to-be husband, and is dating his brother to stay close/make him jealous/whatever you think she’s doing, that’s her deal.

    Your fiance clearly has chosen you, to the point that he’s going to marry you, so you’ve won. It’s over. She can thrash around and try to get all his attention all she want, but if he isn’t giving it to her then it doesn’t matter. Right? Do you have reason to believe your fiance might still be indulging her interest?

    Then that’s a fiance problem, not an ex problem, and making her go away will not ultimately solve your problem. He’s either devoted to you, or he’s not, regardless of whether an ex is still buzzing around.

    If she’s screwing over the brother to try to get her ex, that’s the brother’s problem, not yours, not your fiance’s.

    Also – is it not possible that she and your BIL have a genuine connection and want to be together, and you’re just kind of being an asshole here?

    #815002 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    PS —- Unless you are walking across, say, Maui… you are strolling down the aisle. Not isle…

    #815003 Reply
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    ele4phant

    Just leave her in the wedding but accept she’s going to do the bare minimum, which honestly is what you want, right? It doesn’t sound like she really wants to be in the wedding, either, and your soon to be in-laws are inexplicably pushing this on both of you, which is kind of strange.

    But again, whatever, focus on your own relationship, and let her and your soon to be brother-in-law focus on theirs.

    #815004 Reply
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    Mila

    No there is zero genuine connection and she thoroughly enjoyed the lifestyle she lived with my fiance (as his family is very wealthy) and wanted to get back in on it therefore going for the brother. I am pissed with the fact that his family forced me to ask her well knowning I didn’t want to.

    #815005 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Gee… it must be wonderful to simply know everything. I trust all this oh-so-tempting wealth and fabulous lifestyle has absolutely NOTHING to do with your decision to marry your fiance…

    #815006 Reply
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    JD

    You have zero idea of their connection. You are just bitter. Get counseling.

    #815007 Reply
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    ele4phant

    Look – you don’t know that’s true. You assume it, but it sounds like you don’t have a friendship with this woman so its not like you’ve had girl talks about your relationships right? And it sounds like you think she’s not after your boyfriend, you just think she’s a gold digger. And even if she is – that’s not your problem. It’s not your money, your BIL can date whomever he wants. So your problem is not with her (or it shouldn’t be) its with your in-laws. Stop worrying about her.

    Is it strange that they are forcing you to have her in your wedding party (and forcing her to be in it? Sounds like she’s just as thrilled as you are), I guess. But are they paying for your wedding (with all their wealthy money)? If they are, then suck it up buttercup, or pay for it yourself.

    Look – you may have legitimate issues with your in-laws boundaries. That could be very serious, and maybe you should evaluate whether or not you want to marry this man, if they are going to be dictating the terms of the rest of your life. Where you live, how you spend your holidays, when and how they can drop in on you, etc etc.

    But – whom your BIL chooses to date is not your business or problem at all.

    #815008 Reply
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    TheHizzy

    Options:

    Talk to girlfriend and let her her she can back out of the wedding party if she would like.

    Talk to girlfriend and let her know you’re going a different direction and ask her to do a reading/not be in the wedding at all.

    Talk to your fiancee about your discomfort and remove your emotions from it so it’s a calm, rational discussion. He may not understand the full extent of your discomfort.

    Grow a backbone and don’t let people force you into decisions on the wedding. It’s your and your finance’s day. People will always try to push their agenda, no matter how much you think they won’t.

    #815009 Reply
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    Mila

    No it doesn’t Bittergaymark as I make a lot more money then my fiance but I dont need your opinions as they are unhelpful. While this girl has no job is 23 and hoping to be an instagram model while living in his parents house with them.

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