Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My Friend Dilemma!!

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Viewing 11 posts - 13 through 23 (of 23 total)
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  • #1033837 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Really? Jeff, this is a tale as old as time. Everything she said to you is such a cliche.

    You’re giving her attention and sympathy and she knows you’re in love with her. She’s letting you enjoy your savior fantasy, but she’ll literally never leave her husband. Or if she does, it won’t be for you. She’s getting off on the drama here, and your reaction to it.

    Don’t fall for this shit. Find a woman who’s available.

    #1033841 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    So she’s having an emotional affair with you and now she’s looking for you to be her white knight. She’s lining you up to take over all her problems. She’ll expect you to be her financial savior too, let alone her emotional crutch as she possibly goes through an actual divorce.

    Later if you fight she’ll say that she sacrificed everything for you; she left him for you.

    This reeks of manipulation. The only thing missing is her hinting that if he were to die that she’d get his life insurance and wouldn’t have to split assets and you could be together free and clear.

    #1033844 Reply
    avatarAnge
    Guest

    It’s amazing how nobody in these stories has ever heard of a mop

    #1033845 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Is this a troll?

    #1033846 Reply
    avatarJeff1
    Participant

    My emotions are a wreck right now as well,because I’m so confused over what to do anymore. I have been friends with her since high school, but I have secretly been in love with her for the last 3 years. I love her with all my heart.

    #1033848 Reply
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    Wait, wait. Wait… Knee surgery from ALL the endless cleaning? Really? Seriously? Um, okay. Sure. Whatever… At least that’s a new one for me…

    🤣

    #1033852 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Well Jeff – why don’t you ask her what she wants? What the hell does she expect you to do? Be her savior? Finance her divorce? Does she want to know that she won’t be alone if she leaves her husband?

    And what do you love about this person? Because to me it sounds like she’s ignoring all of the problems with her marriage and finding an escape in talking to you hours a day. So what is she doing to solve her problems? Because it sounds like she’s doing absolutely nothing to help herself. She’s not talking to a therapist. She’s not talking to a divorce lawyer. Is she working?

    #1033863 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I mean, yeah, I think it’s fair to ask her what she’s planning to do about all this. That’s a question a friend would ask, in addition to “are you talking to a therapist or counselor? Do you plan to?” I would not ask her any questions about any future she might or might not see with you, or what she wants from you. I would dial way the hell back from talking to her every day for hours.

    #1033876 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    Whenever she’s mad at her husband she runs to you with a tale of woe. It doesn’t mean she has feelings for you, this is all about getting revenge on her husband. And she enjoys the drama. I’m guessing if she had 5 kids and spends all day cleaning she doesn’t work outside of the home. How likely do you really think she’s going to leave her husband?? All she’s done is bitch to the neighbor who’s obviously in love with her. It’s an ego boost, nothing more. Till she gets a full time job that supports her & her kids assume she isn’t going anywhere. Go on some dating apps. Find someone available. Tons of single women your age looking for someone who wants a relationship

    #1034298 Reply
    avatarJeff1
    Participant

    Helen, hi and thanks for the response. Regarding her always “running to me with a tale of woe”, that’s simply not the case. Saturday night was the very first time ever, that she told me about how her husband treats her. She was really upset because he made her clean all day and night on Saturday, so that the house would be spotless for his parents coming over on Sunday. She both cleaned, and took care of the kids, while he slept all day.

    That was the first time ever that she told me about the problems with him. Every other time we talk, it’s just about random things. Politics, sports, the weather, movies and TV shows, space exploration, states we have visited or would like to visit, family heritage, etc. Heck, last night we talked about flowers and vegetable gardens!!

    So this isn’t like she is running right over to me every single day, complaining about her marriage.

    #1034301 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    And when someone tells you something like that, whether it’s the first time or the third time, the questions you should ask are, do you feel safe? Does he hurt you? What are you going to do about this? Are you talking to a therapist?

    And also recognize that it’s unhealthy and a boundary problem for a married woman to be talking for HOURS a day, late into the night, with a guy she clearly knows has feelings for her. She is a mess. Step back from this, you’re only going to get hurt.

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