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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My friend is mad and I don’t know why

Home Forums Advice & Chat My friend is mad and I don’t know why

  • This topic has 9 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 4 weeks ago by Anonymousse.
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  • #1110914 Reply
    Solange
    Guest

    Hi 🙂 so here’s what’s going on about a week ago I met up with this guy and ended up sleeping at his house for 2 night in a row nothing happened I just crashed there. I just told my friends about it tonight and she just said that I’m dumb for not telling anybody; however, it’s not like I didn’t tell anyone I just didn’t tell them. They live a bit away so why would I bother telling anyone else in that moment besides my roommates(I told my roommates I was going out both times and didn’t tell my friends). Well anyway she got mad about this and said don’t talk to her for the time being I don’t know if this was a joke or not did I do something wrong? Just saying they are my closest friends and I really don’t keep secrets from them, being nonchalant I told them about going over to the guys house cause I didn’t think it was a big deal hmmm was it?
    Disclaimer I made sure I was safe the whole time and texted my roommate that I was fine too during the first night they also have my location :/

    #1110916 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    I mean, it seems like you know that behavior was somewhat risky considering you texted your roommate your location, so I can absolutely see why your best friend would be annoyed, concerned, mad, etc that you did something so risky without at least letting her know.

    Also, it seems like you do know why she’s mad. She told you why.

    “I made sure I was safe,” how? You were alone in a strangers home. I’m not trying to be alarmist but as a woman who has been the victim of sadly, many assaults, you need to be careful. It only takes one bad guy to really mess up your life.

    #1110917 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    I’m not sure if this was risky behavior or not. I mean you told someone where you were.

    Your friend telling you that you’re keeping secrets – we all have secrets. She is not entitled to know everything about you. She’s not your parent and she’s not responsible for your safety. So not sure what’s going on there.

    However, if you have a history of being foolish, naive, reckless I can see where your friend might be tired.

    #1110918 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    Ask your friend about it, have a conversation. I can’t tell from what’s written here who this guy is, if or how well you know him, or how unsafe this may have been. I can’t tell if you did anything “wrong.”

    IDK how old you are, but you sound young. When I was in college, cell phones weren’t what they are now. You couldn’t share location. I lived with a handful of close friends and we generally knew one another’s whereabouts, including if someone spent the night with a guy. It’s good that your roommates knew where you were and I don’t think sharing that information is an automatic sign that you were behaving in a way that was very unsafe. Back in college, I wouldn’t have given a good friend on a different campus real-time updates of what I was doing in the same way I did with my roommates. You don’t owe your good friends an explanation for everything you do.

    • This reply was modified 4 weeks, 1 day ago by Copa.
    #1110920 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    I guess where I’m coming from is if your friends think you’re being reckless, and are even mad about it, maybe consider what they are saying and be less reckless?

    #1110921 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    Yeah, I really couldn’t tell if the LW’s friend is mad because she felt LW’s behavior is being reckless or because LW didn’t tell her what she was up to. To me it came across as the latter since LW did let trusted people know where she was. Either way, since LW isn’t sure, she can ask her friend about it.

    Two friends from my college days jumped to mind reading this. I had one incredibly risk averse friend who I saw trying to intervene a few times if she witnessed a friend doing things she herself wouldn’t do. Annnd then there was the friend who alienated her close friends with a pattern of risky behavior.

    #1110923 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    It’s interesting because the way it’s worded it doesn’t even sound like she really told her friends she told anyone- they said she was dumb for not telling anybody, so IDK.

    He sounds like a rando since her roommates and friends don’t know him. I don’t know how risky it is, but it hit some alarm bells. It’s good to have friends who look out for you and care for you, though. A lot better than friends that don’t care what you do or with who. This thread helped me realize I have had a cellphone since I started college 20 years ago. That’s bonkers. I had the Nokia and then a razr.

    #1110924 Reply
    Solange
    Guest

    I see what you guys are saying it is risky behavior. Oh everyone just has each others locations regardless of just going out tho. The reason I went out was because I usually never date or stuff like that and thought it’d be fun since my other friends were going out or usually talking about going out with some dude or girl. I’m also not even the youngest in this friend group as well however we are still pretty young as we are about to enter our second year of college. Also I am probably the one that’s the least handful out of them anyway since I usually don’t go anywhere I’m a homebody and they know that.
    I think the biggest reason why I was confused was because I’m not doing something any of them wouldn’t do. But if it was extremely risky and you guys understand and are telling me that I will stay clear of those situations from now on thank you everyone for your advice and such 🙂

    #1110943 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    I still can’t tell you how risky I think your behavior was without knowing things like how well you know the guy in question. If it was some guy you met on a dating app that you’d never met before, I’d say that’s quite risky. (Dating apps didn’t exist when I was your age so I have no idea how late teens/early 20-somethings use them on a college campus setting.) If it was some guy you know through school or friends, less risky.

    #1110944 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    The fact that you’re a homebody would make it more alarming and out of character, and as your wild friend, I’d be more alarmed, maybe, IDK. I mean guys do drug girls. I think in worst case scenarios. Objectively, meeting a guy and going home with him immediately would no longer be judged safe in my book. Ask him who he voted for.

    Tell your people where you are. No judgement or shame but be smart. Just because a guy is hot doesn’t mean he’s also safe and a good person to go home with.

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