“My friends accidentally saw my boyfriends nudes at girls night”

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    December 12, 2023 at 7:00 am #1127053

    From a LW:

    “I feel absolutely mortified, this is due to a lack of due diligence on my part and a horrible accident on my friend’s part.

    So like most modern couples, my boyfriend and I send each other nudes semi-regularly. Typically after we send these I delete the photos from my side for safety…except I seem to have dropped the ball on ONE.

    That ONE happened to be the next picture to the left of an image I was showing my friend (who I met through my boyfriend as she is also his friend from college) – an innocent image of us all at my birthday party last year with her next to a GIANT hamburger and milkshake she’d ordered that had been referenced over drinks at our aforementioned girls night. She tried to zoom in on the image, accidentally swiped left and there she and my 2 other friends saw my boyfriend’s nude he’d sent to me.

    I feel absolutely horrible, I feel like the best approach is not to tell him, since it’s not just my two friends that saw it, but his friend too who had joined us. I’m planning on speaking to my friends tomorrow to say how sorry I am that this happened. But good god I want to just sink into the ground right now.

    They handled it well and we all just laughed it off. But I feel actually terrible now that I’m back home. I feel like a bad person but this was a genuine accident.”

    Reply
    Kate
    December 12, 2023 at 10:10 am #1127061

    I do think there’s an opportunity to be more careful here (and not sure if your friends got a really thorough look. If so, that’s not cool, the person who had the phone should have IMMEDIATELY been like oops lol and flipped back to the other picture, or YOU should have grabbed the phone and been like “oops!”)

    If you think there’s any chance that word is going to get back to him that people saw his pic, you should just tell him what happened and apologize, otherwise I wouldn’t bother telling him, but do be more careful.

    Do you think he keeps your nudes on his phone and someone might see them? If so, maybe an opportunity here to talk about how you can protect each other’s privacy.

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    December 12, 2023 at 12:02 pm #1127062

    I’m of the mindset that if you’re sharing nudes, you’re accepting the possibility of something like this happening, either by accident or through more nefarious means (data hacks, stolen phone, etc.). While embarrassing, I don’t think you need to beat yourself up over it. I don’t think you need to tell your boyfriend, but if you did I don’t think he’s likely to be upset unless he’s an abnormally private person (in which case he should probably rethink if he wants to be sharing nudes or not).

    It’s not like your friends were sitting around drooling over him or making fun of him, right?

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    Anonymousse
    December 12, 2023 at 12:40 pm #1127064

    I think a lot of people never share nudes just because of this. I personally suggest flashing as a stand in for the texted nude. It’s more exciting and visceral.

    You need to go back through every single photo and change the setting or clean up your photos. If you saved a dick from a year ago, it’s time to delete it. Then you need to ask him what he’s doing with your nudes. I hope you have a good relationship and really trust him. Then you need to tell him about what happened with his nude.

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    Anonymousse
    December 12, 2023 at 12:41 pm #1127065

    Like most modern couples, you have privacy settings you aren’t using correctly.

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    December 12, 2023 at 1:35 pm #1127066

    I’m an iPhone user and realize you may not have the same kind of phone, but there is a “hidden photo album” option on there where the photos get filed away into a password-protected folder. I assume other smart phones have similar setting options. But you do have to be careful and as others have pointed out, there are very real privacy risks to sending/saving these kinds of photos that extend beyond a friendly quickly seeing it by accident.

    I agree that I’d say something if you think it’ll get back to him. If this happened with my friends now in my mid-30s, I’m sure nobody would make it a thing. If you’re young, you may not be so lucky… I could definitely see this becoming gossip in a college environment.

    Anyway, it was an honest mistake so I don’t think you need to beat yourself up over it or continue to feel riddled with guilt. You can learn from it. It’s ok.

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    CanadaGoose
    December 12, 2023 at 5:51 pm #1127067

    “Most modern couples send each other nudes” I can’t quite wrap my head around this statement. No, no they don’t. I suppose if ‘modern’ is being used as a synonym for ‘young and naive’ maybe but holy cats, I do not believe this is true. Anyone sending nudes accepts the risk they will become public, full stop. There have been far too many cases of image theft and revenge porn for people not to realize this is possible. Even if you trust each other now, that could change and your photos could be out there. They could be hacked. You could lose your phone. There are so many scenarios where exposure could happen – even years after a relationship ends – that your BF has no right to be mad. That’s the risk you take.

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