My friends are mad at me for not liking boy talk
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I recently expressed to my friends that I don’t enjoy boy talk. I have never enjoyed it and usually sit quietly while they discuss it. We have weekly hangouts and so I told them how I felt and that I think it would be better if I showed up later so they would have time to discuss it and I wouldn’t have to sit there like a wall during the hangout. One of my friends was upset and I can understand that she just wants to share it with me but my other friend has completely stopped talking to me and she didn’t show for our game night. I don’t know what to do. I feel like this has been bothering me for a long time and now that I’ve said something I think I’ve lost my friends.
You set a boundary to make yourself more comfortable in your friendship with them. If they can’t respect that and want to end the friendship that is more a statement on them than it is a statement on you. Branch out and try to meet new people willing to function in the boundaries you are comfortable with.
Sure, things are a little awkward now. They probably aren’t sure exactly where they stand with you, maybe they are confused. How old are you all?
What specifically about the “boy talk” disturbs you? At first I thought you meant they discuss women crudely like that kind of talk. I realize it’s about guys though. Most people talk about the people they are interested in. Is that they problem, or is it graphic? I’m confused. But I agree, if you’re uncomfortable, walk away from it.
It was something you could no longer ignore, which is fine and is your right to speak up if you’re uncomfortable. They may just feel like you don’t like the same things or maybe no longer have the same things in common with them. It’s hard to tell from your post, but depending on how the message was delivered, maybe they feel like you don’t like much of what they discuss.
I wouldn’t beat yourself up, but this might be a good time to reflect on what you said, what you wish you’d said and maybe circle back and explain yourself better. If this is over text, Don’t do it over text. If these are your best friends and you don’t want to lose them, perhaps being brave and reaching out sooner would be best. You know them better than we do, they’re your friends.
Good luck, and really, feel good you stood up for yourself. That’s a hard thing to do, and it’s admirable.
I think now sounds like a good time to branch out and meet new friends who share more of your interests, especially if with this group of friends, “boy talk” dominates the conversation.
I’m now at an age where many friends are newer moms and I’ve noticed in certain friend groups, I have little to add to the conversations because it’s mostly kid/mom talk. I can’t relate at all. I don’t hold it against them or try to have them talk about it before I arrive. What I have done is make an effort to continue meeting people whose life stage is more similar to mine.
I’m 38 and have had a hard time standing up for myself throughout my life. I have no problem standing up for anyone else, though. But lately, I’ve been choosing myself more and not swallowing my thoughts or feelings just to get by.
I actually just made a boundary and lost 2 really good friends. It was kind of devastating and it made me want to apologize and beg forgiveness or something, but I actually found I could not because I didn’t say a single thing I had any regret about saying. I wasn’t mean, or offensive or insulting. I needed to stand up for myself and my principles. If friends are compassionate, understanding, strive for empathy, they can absorb honesty and respond appropriately. Sometimes people are so shocked at honesty and someone not abiding by societal expectations that they respond defensively. Every single person needs to make the best choices they can for themselves. That sometimes takes a long time for people to learn in life. Losing friends is sad, but sometimes it’s a sign of personal growth and it will be alright. Maybe they aren’t lost, just a little sore.
