My friends told me that I kissed a guy, but I don’t remember anything.

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  • This topic has 22 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 9 months ago by Sarah.
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  • Sarah
    August 18, 2023 at 2:25 am #1124932

    Hey guys!
    So this happened to me 2 years ago. I’ve been feeling anxious about the incident for no reason and I could use some help. It was at a party, and I ended up getting super drunk. I broke my phone, was walking barefoot all along – until a point where I started talking to this guy that I didn’t know. I remember talking to him and his job, and talking about music that he was playing.
    The next thing I remember was sitting on a chair because I was too tired of dancing. Fast forward to the next morning, I woke up happy. Until my friends told me that I made out with the guy! They told me that I was all over him, and didn’t go to sleep when they tried to put me to sleep. Later, the guy was asked to leave. They also told me that if it weren’t for them, I would have been in trouble.
    So my question is this – I’ve been feeling so anxious about the whole thing. Early in the evening, I did remember making out with my ex (twice) because we wanted to make it memorable – we were drifting apart. This was way before even this stranger had come to the party.
    What if it was more than a kiss? I’m worried if I even gave consent to it. It’s harder for me to trust my friends because even if they did look out for me, they judged me miserably the next morning. I’ve been panicking about it even today, if I was ever assaulted or bad things might have happened. I even had second thoughts about whether it was the stranger instead of my ex, but my memory is very clear on this.
    I know I should have been more responsible, but I never attended these parties before. I’m even worried if my drink was spiked, because I never black out while I’m drinking. I’m sick of trying to fix the missing puzzle and reassuring that I was safe and it wasn’t more than a kiss. I didn’t have any wounds or soreness when I woke up. Plus, it’s also because one friend exaggerated the scenario by saying, ‘He was holding you and what not.’
    Am I overthinking? All my friends, who i don’t talk to anymore, including that stranger (who texted me the next morning) said it was just a kiss. How do I believe them? The worst part is, I’m not even able to trust myself, because my memory was just gone. 🙁

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    August 18, 2023 at 6:08 am #1124936

    You are ok. To me this sounds more like you need to get treatment for anxiety or some other underlying condition, as opposed to having a problem tangibly with what happened that night. I think you should talk to a therapist about this and work on strategies to stop beating yourself up about something that happened 2 years ago and to get your anxiety controlled.

    You were inexperienced and drank too much and did something you wouldn’t have done sober. You blacked out. Your drink wasn’t spiked. You just didn’t know your limits and drank to excess and blacked out and did something you didn’t realize you did. I had similar experiences when young. You need to just use it as a learning experience about your tolerance and move on and not drink like that again.

    So you made out with a stranger. Ok. Were you in danger? Potentially, yes, you could have been raped, but it sounds like your friends were keeping a close eye on you and that didn’t happen. Deal with the “what if” feeling by understanding that you are in control of your drinking and you will not get like that again. Definitely do practice awareness and safety with your beverages, because yes, there’s a real threat someone could put something in your drink. But just educate yourself on how to be safe, and make it a habit to moderate your drinking and be aware of your surroundings.

    This in itself is not a big deal, your mind is blowing it up for some reason and I think you need a little help.

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    LisforLeslie
    August 18, 2023 at 8:47 am #1124937

    I agree with Kate. I’ve been in your shoes. No one spiked my drink, I just drank too much. Alcohol dims your inhibitions and clouds your judgement. You make bad decisions – but they are decisions. It sounds like you have two really positive things in your life: 1. You haven’t been abusing alcohol to that level again (I hope – it’s not entirely clear but it doesn’t sound like you’ve gotten black out or brown out drunk again. And 2. You have some very good friends who clearly work as a team to keep one another safe. Keep that in mind when you’re out with friends or even if you see something shady.

    It sounds like you have regret/ anxiety – which I understand but suggest you either talk through it with someone or just keep in mind that when all is said and done, it was stupid but not damaging. We all have regrets about doing something stupid or foolish. All you can do is take the lesson learned and do better next time. We learn from our mistakes. Focusing on the mistake and not the lesson just keeps you stuck in the past. You have to keep moving forward.

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    Anonymousse
    August 18, 2023 at 9:30 am #1124938

    It is interesting to me that even two years later you are this anxious about this event that happened a long time ago. You made out with a stranger at a party. Your friends were there, and told you this. I don’t see anywhere where you were alone, or unseen by your friends.
    Why would all of those people lie to you?

    Your story is also confusing. You say your phone was broken, but the stranger texted you the next morning and told you it was just a kiss. Is he a stranger? How did he know your number? Your memory is fallible and I think your imagination is running away with you.

    I agree that you should seek therapy, drink less at parties and work on your limits and boundaries. Focus on the present, and the future not some drunken night you can’t remember.

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    Sarah
    August 18, 2023 at 10:22 am #1124939

    He had texted me on Instagram, my bad. I saw the message three days after. I’m only worried because I made out with my ex in a secluded place. It was more than a kiss for sure. If I could end up there, why not with the stranger 🥺

    I know I’m being paranoid, but the world is such a scary place.

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    Sarah
    August 18, 2023 at 10:24 am #1124940

    It was a farewell party. The guy was a mutual friend of a junior. He was way too old and wasn’t supposed to be there too.

    Reply
    Sarah
    August 18, 2023 at 10:38 am #1124942

    And what makes me not wanna trust my friends is they’ve been a little bullying in the past. I ignored it. They like to see people in the group drunk and do stupid things, so that they can judge then in the morning. That’s why a little paranoid, otherwise I would have trusted them. I know they wouldn’t hide something like this. It gives me comfort when the guy texted me too. My anxiety just keeps asking questions that I have no answer to.

    Maybe it’s because of their judgemental behavior, they made the kiss seem like a big deal. My anxiety also says whether they don’t want to get into trouble by not telling me the truth.

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    Avatar photo
    August 18, 2023 at 11:06 am #1124943

    You wrote that you are no longer friends with these people, though. Which is good if they enjoy passing judgment on their friends’ drunk and (all things considered) relatively harmless mistakes. And if you still hang out with them, it sounds like you never regained your trust in them and should branch out.

    I agree that you should speak to a therapist if you still feel very anxious, guilty, or like you cannot trust yourself after an incident from two years ago.

    Reply
    LisforLeslie
    August 18, 2023 at 11:44 am #1124944

    Oh, I didn’t catch that you were not friends with them anymore – well… find friends that will keep you safe like your other friends. And as for judginess – we alllll judge one another. I’ve yet to meet someone that didn’t do a little judging; the key is whether or not they are supportive. In this case, they were.

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    August 18, 2023 at 11:50 am #1124945

    I’m also curious if you’ve been fretting about this incident for two years straight or if maybe something that happened recently brought it to the surface…?

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    Sarah
    August 19, 2023 at 8:47 am #1124952

    I haven’t been fretting about it for 2 years obsessively. Saw a movie with a scene where the girls drink had gotten spiked. Maybe it’s that.

    Also, I spoke to a therapist today. She says that factually, it seems like I was safe. And that I don’t have to worry about anything. But maybe the thought is because I was in a toxic relationship in the past, and that has come into the play.

    I’m in a healthy relationship now — and deep down, I really don’t want this to effect me. Is there any way I can let this thought go or keep in control? Because ignoring it makes me feel like I’m not doing justice. Or maybe I’m thinking too much.

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    August 20, 2023 at 8:52 am #1124965

    I don’t really understand what your past toxic relationship has to do with your ruminating over a drunk make out with a stranger?

    It’s great that you are in therapy. I think that’s the best place for you to discuss what happened in a safe space and develop coping mechanisms for the ruminating.

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My friends told me that I kissed a guy, but I don’t remember anything.

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