My friends told me that I kissed a guy, but I don’t remember anything.
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I was physically abused and started getting used to alcohol because of my ex. Is it because of that?
I’m sorry you’re experiencing anxiety about this situation. If it might make you feel better, do you think taking an STI test might help? Also your “friends” were not good friends. Glad you are not friends with them anymore.
Thank you so much for your support. Sorry for making the story a little confusing. To give a context, I was in a relationship for 4 years. He was physically abusive and I was under 18. I was intoxicated and he made sure that I was under the influence of alcohol, so that it was okay for him to do it. As of that day, the ex (hes someone else)I made out with was from college. My first toxic ex made sure I broke up with him.
During the farewell, I was in no contact with the abusive ex, and that’s why I lost control. I’m safe now guys. I hope this cleared the confusion.
I cried a lot today and allowed myself to feel. Maybe I’m having those intrusive thoughts because I didn’t want that to happen to me again?
I have my next therapy this Saturday, and I hope it works out well. It’s 21st August, and the party happened today. 2 years ago.
Sigh. I’m proud of myself and of how far I’ve come. I’m never drinking over the limit. I lookout for my friends as well. I hope I’ll survive this.
I’m sorry, but I’m really not able to follow the series of events/relationships as you’re laying them out or how they’re all related. But IMO, it doesn’t really matter if I understand because if your thoughts are intrusive — or even if they’re normal thoughts that affect your quality of life — then you need to be working with a therapist. And even then, therapy is a slow process and you have to put in the work… granted, I went to therapy for different things, but it took me about a year of weekly sessions before I felt healed enough to scale back to every other week, and years after that to scale back to monthly.
I am sorry for the abuse you suffered at a young age, though. Good luck.
Thank you so much for your kind words Copa. Long story short, because of the abuse in the past by my ex, I think I’m worried about the same about the drunk make out session. It’s just my intrusive thoughts.
I let it happen in the past. And this time, I felt I wasn’t standing up for myself. I didn’t want to just let go and move past it.
But somehow, I have to convince my mind that it wasn’t an assault and I was safe. And that I had friends looking out for me, even if they judged me a little.
I’m in a much better place now – but one thing is I’m not able to concentrate on my day to day activities. I have been in control all my life, and given a situation like this, I have no control over. I’m glad it’s in the past and I get to look ahead. I’m turning 23 in less than two weeks, and I don’t want to let myself down. I’m looking forward to therapy and hope it helps. ❤️❤️
Let yourself down? It’s ok to give yourself room to be human and to fail… miserably… and to pick yourself up and keep moving forward.
We all make mistakes, and most of us learn from them. You seem to. You don’t overimbibe (and if you do drink too much on occasion that does not mean that anyone is permitted to take advantage of you).
We learn from our mistakes and learning is the success. Avoiding the same mistakes over and over because you’ve learned – how many drinks is too many for example, is the success.
I suggested an STI test if that could give you peace of mind, if anything went further, although that’s not conclusive.
I am glad you have a therapist. They should be able to help.
Thank you for your kind words, everyone. ❤️ it means a lot to me. :’) I’m glad I got a safe space to talk about. Now everytime my mind tells me that things are not okay, or even ruminates – I cut it down immediately. I tell myself that I’ve already know the answers and asking the same question doesn’t make sense. It’s a spiral and I’m sure it’s anxiety related. I’ll be just fine. ❤️🤞🏻🫶🏻💕🫧
