Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My girlfriend still takes care of ex’s child

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This topic contains 42 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar dinoceros 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #807002 Reply
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    yadikilo17
    Member

    Hey Wendy, so I’m in a relationship with a girl we’ve been together for 4 years. She’s been taking care of her ex’s kid that cheated on her since she was born. Am I wrong to think that is weird? Or unhealthy for that baby. The child’s mom is nothing but rude hateful and selfish torwards my girlfriend takes her in and out of her life and when the child’s mom is like the towards my girlfriend I get treated like crap then we argue and fight. Which is not a heathy relationship. I ask her how are we supposed to start a family when she’s still stuck in her ex’s life. She tries to have the child call her dad. But the child’s mother always has other men in her life call her dad. This child is so confused. Am I wrong for thinking she should stop trying to play the daddy role of her ex’s kid? Or am I being selfish the mother of the child treats her poorly and she don’t legally have to take the child every other weekend because it really isn’t her kid. The child is now 6 and my girlfriend and her ex haven’t been together since she was 9-10 months old

    #807005 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    If your girlfriend has filled the role of second parent in this child’s life since she was born it would be cruel to pull away now. Your girlfriend may be the only stable person in this child’s life. They have a parent child bond. You need to respect that bond. Your girlfriend comes with a child who may not be a biological child but is still her child. It really is her kid in the only way that counts, that’s loyalty, love and commitment. It’s a great quality to find in a partner.

    You need to quit expecting someone who is rude to treat you well. The ex is a hateful, nasty woman. Don’t expect anything good from her. What you can do is refuse to get into fights with her. What you can do is be kind and welcoming to the child who desperately needs a stable, loving home. Even if it is only every other weekend.

    #807007 Reply
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    MMR

    Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how you feel about the situation. Your girlfriend has a parental bond with this child.

    You have two reasonable choices:
    a) Support your girlfriend’s choice to parent this girl as much as she can.
    b) Break up with your girlfriend because you can’t handle this.

    To be clear: Staying with your girlfriend and trying to convince her to abandon this child is a terrible thing to do to her and the kid. Legal obligations do not define real relationships.

    #807008 Reply
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    Northern Star

    I’m a new parent, and I have to say that I love my little girl so much, my world view has shifted. It’s her happiness first. Period. If your girlfriend feels this way about the child, then you’d better get onboard, too, or your relationship with your girlfriend will be over. Rightfully.

    (I can’t figure out who is who in this post. Your pronouns are confusing and completely unclear. But all the drama doesn’t really matter anyway when it comes to the heart of your question.)

    #807014 Reply
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    Kristy

    My girlfriend only sees her a couple months out of the year before the child gets tooken out again. Only reason why im asking is because I’m tired of my girlfriend getting hurt over an ex that thinks she still can control her. The ex only send her over when a holiday is about to come up or if she wants a free babysitter. She has even said to us that she doesn’t need a babysitter this weekend. This and that. Like I know I can handle it. I just don’t know what to do. Like I don’t want my baby when I have one getting close to a child and getting them in and out of there life. But even my girlfriend tells me that the child’s mom needs to stop forcing me the take her cause she isn’t even my child. The only reason why she still takes her is because she feels bad for the kid. But I mean you can’t feel bad for every kid right?

    #807015 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    This whole situation is dysfunctional. Where is the child’s father at. Is the child’s father or mother your girlfriends ex? Is your girlfriend wanting to be called “dad”? From your timeline, it sounds like you became involved when the child was around 2yr old. After 4 yrs together with this child in your life and you feel this way, I would just move on. It doesnt make you a bad person to not want to parent someone else’s child and to want your own (bio)family. Your girlfriend has established a parental bond with this child and clearly wants the kid on her life. It’s you who has to make a decision about what you want.

    #807016 Reply
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    Kristy

    The child’s mother is my girlfriends ex. My girlfriend wants rights to the child but the ex won’t let that happen either The real father of the child doesn’t want anything to do with her.

    #807020 Reply
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    JD

    Your girlfriend sounds like a loving parental figure. Get over the jealousy. If the other ex treats her poorly that’s her issue to deal with.

    #807022 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    Well if your girlfriend wants rights to the child then that means she wants to parent this child and continue to have a relationship with this child. If she does that then that means she’s going to deal with her ex, the mother, until the child is 18 to say the least. Here you are four years later trying to figure out if this is what you want or not.

    #807023 Reply
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    Kristy

    The ex won’t let her have rights to the child

    #807025 Reply
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    JD

    Well she’s not the legal guardians. That’s how it works. Doesn’t mean she can’t be a parental figure.

    #807030 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    Whether she does or does not have legal rights your girlfriend clearly wants to parent this child.

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