- July 12, 2019 at 9:39 am #847918
A year and a half before I started dating my girlfriend, she went overseas with her assumed boyfriend at the time. She never told me this.
Recently I stumbled across some photos from the holiday, whereby I discovered she had gone with a guy and they seem pretty chummy (there are photos of them hugging in the pool, her kicking him in bed but none of them kissing) – she had shown me photos of the holiday before, but never with anyone but herself in. When I found these photos, this guy was in photos in all of the same places that she had shown me she had gone.
Here are my issues:
Throughout our two and a half year relationship, she has always maintained the place she went is the most amazing place on earth and it was the best holiday she ever had.
She has maintained that she wants to go to this place again, with me. For a long time she wanted us to move there. Now she wants us to go there on our honeymoon.
This seems to me like a deliberate omission of information, making it seem like them going on holiday overseas and her and I going on our honeymoon to the same place are somehow connected.
Am I being a little paranoid or this actually cause for concern?July 12, 2019 at 9:56 am #847919
Grow up! She isn’t required to discuss past bfs or vacations she has taken with them. All of this precedes you by a year and a half. Let it go. If you can’t, therapy. If that doesn’t work, move on from this poor woman and allow her to find someone with less jealousy and more… I’m groping for the proper word — sanity doesn’t quite fit, but it’s close, because you are obsessing over nothing and being quite controlling.July 12, 2019 at 10:07 am #847921
You really find it that strange that she might want to show her new boyfriend a wonderful place that she enjoyed visiting in the past? And share that wonderful place with you?
I really don’t understand what you’re upset about. Do you think the fact that she wants to go back to that place is a sign that she’s still in love with the old boyfriend? I’m sorry, but that’s nuts. There’s no other way to say it. If you truly, honestly believe that, you need to break up with her immediately, for her sake.
Oh, and no one owes anyone information about past relationships. Ever. People can choose to share that if they wish, but you have no right to know who she went on vacation with. You’re not even entitled to know about her past boyfriends, if she doesn’t want to tell you.July 12, 2019 at 10:23 am #847924
Honestly, why would you WANT to know the details of past relationships? I know the bare minimum with regard to my guy’s prior relationships. The way I see it- his experiences with previous girlfriends helped shaped who he is right now, the man I love. So I’m grateful he loved before me, and even more grateful he loves me now.
So, yes, get over it. Go back to that place for your honeymoon. Show her an even better time than before; give her greater memories. She’s with you now. That’s what matters.July 12, 2019 at 11:24 am #847928
I’m not surprised she never showed you those photos or told you about the ex because your reaction is so over the top. Everyone has a past. She enjoyed the vacation and wants to take you there, too. Be happy she wants to share happy memories and places with you. Be thankful you have a gf. Stop worrying about ex bfs from old relationships. She chooses to be with you now.July 12, 2019 at 11:46 am #847929
damn are you stupid or what!?!
she is trying to make new memories of this amazing place with the 2 of you, memories that will replace the old ones she had with her ex.
So are you telling me if you went to an amusement park or a museum with and ex and it was a nice experience, you wont ever go there again with your new GF?? grow the fuck up…
keep prying on her past relationships and you will find out things like how her ex had a massive dick compared to you and he would give her multiple orgasm during foreplay and sex and was just awesome in bed, I’m sure you will probably go cry somewhere wishing you have never pried into her past relationships when they having nothing to do with your relationship right now.July 12, 2019 at 11:51 am #847930
Whoops…I have gone to the same bars with multiple guys 😳July 12, 2019 at 12:00 pm #847933
Hey, can you guys please refrain from calling people stupid, idiot, and other names? It’s fine to say their behavior is dumb or whatever but please don’t call people names.July 12, 2019 at 1:23 pm #847937
Thank you, @kate. That’s been bothering me for awhile.
Sign me up also under “I don’t see what the big deal is.” If it icks you out a little, that is ok, But that’s your insecurity you need to work through, and not reflective of anything she’s done.July 12, 2019 at 4:09 pm #847945
If you had a favorite restaurant, presumably you’d go there with your girlfriend sometimes, right? If you broke up, would you just stop going there because you went there with her? Would you think it was weird to go there with a new girlfriend?
She likes the place. You can’t just decide not to go anywhere that you previously went to with an ex. You don’t stop liking a place simply because you went there with a previous partner before.
You’re welcome to suggest that you two take some trips to new places, but I think it’s kind of selfish and seems excessively jealous to say that you two can never go to a place she went to with her ex before. I think you’ll have a happier relationship if you focus your thoughts and energy on her and your relationship instead of her relationship with her ex.July 12, 2019 at 4:17 pm #847948
I’m going to say that she really liked the place she went and wants to go there again on her honeymoon because she really liked it.
I don’t think that you have anything to be upset or worried about but it is actually kind of weird to talk so extensively about a vacation and not mention that she was with her boyfriend. Maybe she thought that you’d react weirdly, but normally someone who talks a lot about a trip mentions at some point with whom they were there.
I think that it might be worth asking her about this in a non accusatory why she never mentioned she went on this fantastic vacation with her boyfriend. Maybe there’s some major baggage. Maybe she has some insecurity about your relationship that you guys have to address.July 12, 2019 at 4:50 pm #847951
After reading this, I’m mostly left with questions. How did you come across these photos, LW? What exactly are you worried about? That she didn’t tell you about this particular “assumed” boyfriend? That she didn’t tell you she vacationed with him? That she still has feelings for him because she hopes to go back with you?
Anyway, I don’t think this is a big deal. This vacation happened at LEAST four years ago! She was probably trying to do you a kindness by not showing you old couples’ photos, but still wanted you to see pictures of a place she fell in love with. I’ve mentioned significant exes here or there to my current boyfriend, but have kept the details minimal so as not to make him uncomfortable. If you have a history of overreacting or jealous behavior, that’s another possible reason she didn’t tell you.
Even though this is only one incident and I know nothing else of your relationship, I think you’d benefit from therapy to talk about why you feel so threatened. This jealousy/paranoia/whatever you want to call it seems to run deep and I’d be shocked if this is a one-off situation for you.