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My girlfriend who has mental issues has left me.What do I do?

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This topic contains 65 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar MP 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #822231 Reply
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    Edgar

    So I’m a 19 year old college student and I’ve been together with my girlfriend for 8 months.It was a rough relationship because both of us were inexperienced and we had to learn a lot, but what kept us going is that love we had never experienced before and we both felt like we were meant to be because it just felt…different…like we were perfect for each other.The last few months were very bumpy, but we still kept going…till now.A week ago she said that she can’t keep going anymore and that she has no hope left.At first I thought that it’s because of all those hardships, but then she admited that she had a mental issue.It was something doctors or therapists couldn’t help her with and it was only getting worse with times.It made her feel like an empty husk, sometimes for hours a few days a week.Feeling no emotion or having no thought in her head.Just nothing.A husk.She said it was a source of pain for everyone around her and that she doesn’t want that for me.At first she thought that being with me would change things, but it didnt get any better, just worse.So she decided to spare me the pain and left me.I tried to talk her back, but she just can’t be with me.So do I give up any hope of having her and just accept that we weren’t meant to be or try to get her back?

    #822232 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    Well for one, sure there is someone who can help her, she just hasn’t found that person yet. So she needs to keep trying until she finds someone to help.

    You felt it was so right because everyone thinks that at your age, you don’t actually have enough relationship experience to know that for sure, just based on age and not being old enough to have an adult relationship prior. This is why at such a young age it is really too soon to live with someone. You just have so much growing to do and learning about who you are….and of course, she hasn’t dealt with her own issues so she isn’t ready for a relationship until she does.

    So yes, you need to move on. Also, if someone doesn’t want to be with you, you don’t really get to decide otherwise. She wants it over so it’s over.

    #822236 Reply
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    Edgar

    Well she does want to be with me, she just doesn’t want to hurt me in the future cuz I’d always worry about her health and this time it can’t be fixed like always.And I guess you are right, a lot of change happened durring these 8 months, I’m not the same person I was before.Anyway, thank you, I needed to hear that from someone else, because all those memories of her have been haunting me since the split up and I still had doubts and getting some advices helps to see trough it all.

    #822256 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I think she is trying to let you down gently. Instead of saying she doesn’t feel the same way about you anymore and doesn’t want to be in a relationship she told you she broke up to protect you from herself.

    Assume that you are over and done. Take some time to get over it. When you feel like dating again go ahead and date. Any relationship that is bumpy in the first year is very likely not going to last. A lasting relationship will feel like this one did emotionally, different and wonderful and like it is meant to be but without all the bumps and problems in that first year. It should be wonderful and easy.

    With more dating experience you’ll begin to see difficult times in the first year as a red flag.

    #822257 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Even if she isn’t doing well with her mental health, she still has the right to break up with you. Her being depressed doesn’t change that and doesn’t mean that you get to dismiss what she’s telling you.

    Also, as a side note — the whole feeling that you were “meant to be,” everyone feels that at some point. Many people more than once. It’s not a sign that your relationship is different than everyone else’s. It’s just what people feel when they really like someone. I’m not saying this to be mean, but it’s important to not mistake feelings like that for some sort of supernatural sign that you HAVE to be together. You’ll find someone else you feel just as good about later on.

    #822261 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    We can’t interpret her motives behind this, neither can you. The best course of action is to listen to her, respect her wishes, spend some time being sad, work on healing and then move on.

    #822281 Reply
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    Edgar

    Knowing her well enough, I do believe what she told me and I do respect her choice.It’s just that we both were very determined to make it work and I wasn’t sure if I should keep on fighting or just let her go, because it felt like it will get all better any second now.Yet, I still believe some people are meant to be, because a long lasting, strong relationships are not possible with everyone you meet or date.And I still believe that each relationship is special and unlike anything else because it’s between two unique individuals.But I do get your points.I guess she wasn’t meant to be my partner in life, her role was to show me what true love feels like, but it never was supposed to last long.Thank you all for your replies, I felt so lost after our break up and you people helped to clear things up and hope for something in the future.

    #822283 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    You won’t feel that special connection with most of the people you meet. You will probably go out on a date or two with many women and not feel connected to them. That connection is more rare but it does happen more than once and it does happen to most people no matter where they live. Even though most women won’t be a good long lasting partner for you there are lots of women out there who will be good matches. They will match emotionally but also in other ways like life goals and values and attitudes and humor and you will find yourself able to talk to them easily.

    #822287 Reply
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    Edgar

    It was hard to believe that at first, but now I see that, just gotta keep looking for that special lady once I’m ready again.I really appreciate the kind words, it means a lot to me

    #822289 Reply
    CurlyQue
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    I’d also like to point out, there’s nothing to “fight for” once she’s decided the relationship is over. You wish her well, you mourn the relationship and you move on. She knows how to get a hold of you if her situation gets “better any second now.”

    #822292 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    If things are hard in the first year – it likely wasn’t meant to be. I mean in most relationships, you’re on your very best behavior in the first few months. So taking out the first three months – and the last three months, you had two months after the initial high. Five good months in all? Not a lot of time.

    Going forward keep this in mind. Also, when it’s meant to be – it won’t be so hard. Not that things will always be easy, but you shouldn’t have to work so hard. Especially the first year.

    This is good to learn now. Take is slow. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. You’ll be OK.

    #822294 Reply
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    Edgar

    Well I mean, we had our lows in the past too, I have said that I dont want to keep going out of hopelessness, but we got trough those lows each time.I knew that we won’t recovet from this one, I just needed some help to kill the hope which I still had even tho I knew it’s over.Sometimes a goodbye said bye a hurt person doesn’t mean it’s all gone, but yeah, you are right, if it was a firm decision,there is no point in fighting.

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