- This topic has 26 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 10 months, 3 weeks ago by SARAH.
- July 8, 2019 at 4:54 am #847312Dear WendyKeymaster
From a LW:
My marriage is less tahn four years and I have a kid but the problem I always have with hubby is that he cheats on me whenever I am pregnant. It started when i became pregnant with my son, he stopped having sex with me despite all my plea n efforts. He’ll do it reluctantly. I stopped asking for sex when at 6months pregnant, I asked him why he won’t sleep with me, he told me he didn’t find me attractive anymore. Then he started cheating with his ex, and a colleague at the office. When I confronted him, he apologized and stopped. Things went back to normal 4months after the birth of my son. A little after two years, I became pregnant with baby number two, he asked me to abortion the baby which I refused n after much talk,he accepted. That was how he changed n became distant from me. I try to talk and make sex happen but he won’t yield.
He started seeing a lady and though he admitted he was seeing her but said sex wasn’t involve which I don’t believe. He leaves home whenever I am at home and won’t come back till late in the night sometimes midnight. I had complications during my pregnancy but he wasn’t always around to help and when he comes back ,he feels I am disturbing him telling me this isn’t my first pregnancy so why do I make a fuss about it. Long story short, I lost the baby at 8months pregnant. I thought things will improve between us but instead he drifted further away. He lies to go spend the night with her which I know. Now I am a a crossroad, I don’t know what to do. It’s been 4months since I lost my baby. He is coming close to me gradually and he told me he didn’t want a baby now, at least this year. He told me he will gradually cut off from his mistress but he isn’t making any effort. He gets jealous when I don’t pay attention to him or I get male friends around, hence he accuses me of cheating too. Sometimes I feel he is looking for.means to continue his affair hence he keeps looking for a flaw in my actions. Right now I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel like leaving the marriage. Other times I want my marriage to work, I want my husband back but I don’t know how. Please I need your advice on how to handle this situation.July 8, 2019 at 5:22 am #847315KeybladeGuest
The man you married does not care about you or your happiness. You should leave him as soon as you can because you will never be loved or respected and your son and any future kids will not grow up in a safe or comfortable home. I’m sorry for your loss. Your husband sounds cruel and you shouldn’t subject yourself, your son, or any future kids to a parent who desperately doesn’t wish to have more kids or emotionally take care of you in any way.July 8, 2019 at 7:32 am #847327HelenGuest
I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s devastating. Greif counseling or support groups might help navigate you through this stage. Your husband doesn’t care about your feelings. He only cares about himself. He’s not going to snap out of it and become a loving husband. You can stop caring if he cheats and stick around as long as he pays the bills or leave him. It’s a crummy situation. I hope you have someone you can trust and talk toJuly 8, 2019 at 8:05 am #847329FYIGuest
Sometimes I wonder if feminism ever happened. Imagine if women, en masse, decided to stop being so masochistic and to stop tolerating bull shit like this. This is just abject cruelty, and yet the LW is wondering how to stay with this asshole. How does that happen? How is it that someone can be so vicious, and a woman’s response is “more please!”
There are so many posts like this — where people have zero self-worth — that I wonder what could be done. No amount of advice on this board is going to change LW’s attitude about herself. I mean, what can we say except “get therapy now” and hope it works.July 8, 2019 at 8:35 am #847332anonymousseParticipant
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I think you should definitely look into therapy. You should go talk to someone about the loss of your baby.
You should also take a good look at your marriage and decide if this is working for you. Contact a lawyer. Your husband is not trying to make this work. He’s slept with many other women outside of your marriage. Does he use protection? Go see a dr. and get tested.July 8, 2019 at 8:49 am #847335LisforLeslieGuest
@FYI – I wouldn’t blame this on lack of feminism. I would put this squarely in our societal conventions that demand that people pair up and religious institutions that demand subservience to the husband or make divorce a sin.July 8, 2019 at 8:51 am #847336BittergaymarkGuest
For the love of god, do NOT have any more kids with this asshole.July 8, 2019 at 9:04 am #847338
I think it’s important for you to understand that there is NO possibility that your serial-cheater husband is going to change and start giving you love, respect, and fidelity. None. What you see is what you get with this jerk. You should take your child and leave, move back in with family if necessary, work out child support. Don’t stay in this awful situation hoping for better. You have respect for yourself and you need to find it and lean on that. I would not have any more sex with your husband as a pregnancy would be a disaster and he’s actively cheating on you. Just leave.July 8, 2019 at 9:07 am #847340
And thank you, Leslie, I am tired of men suggesting that women have failed at feminism and aren’t looking out for their own interests.July 8, 2019 at 9:52 am #847343BittergaymarkGuest
Oh, please, Kate. How are LW’s like this dolt NOT responsible for their own miserable fates. It ain’t 1919 anymore.July 8, 2019 at 9:57 am #847344
I mean, on an individual level, yes, they are often able to walk away from a bad situation and improve their lives. But this isn’t about women somehow being “bad at feminism” and thus responsible for their poor treatment.July 8, 2019 at 9:57 am #847345
Men are still working very hard at keeping women down.