This topic contains 33 replies, has 14 voices, and was last updated by baccalieu 3 months, 3 weeks ago.
November 8, 2017 at 10:09 am #726355
From a LW:
My husband and I attended a wedding; one that I did not even want to attend because I knew very little of the other guests, if any at all. He mentioned prior to attending the wedding that an old classmate of his was attending the wedding with her brother in law (strange, I thought) but I didn’t really pay much attention. We had a nice time at dinner with other couples (not her). After dinner we each went into the restrooms. When I came out low and behold he was talking to her. I thought well, just saying hello, and a few words and he would be over where I was talking to a few people. Into a half hour he tells me she asked where his beautiful wife was; so I went over and met her. Not sure why she said hello, I said hello and that is where the conversation between the two of us stopped. She continued the conversation with my husband telling him how her husband was out of town since June, not to return until February and she was at home with just the dog because all of her children were grown and two in college. He then says “what is he thinking leaving such a pretty woman alone”. Excuse me, but I was still standing there! At that point I became numb. She says “right; I’m so lonely”. I stop listening, turn and walk away. About a half hour or maybe more I see her go to the bar, thinking he is going to come by me but instead he follows her to the bar with a big smile on his face. I wait again 15 minutes not knowing how to react. I finally walk over and elbow him in the back. At this point they are both standing; she is facing him, he is facing the bar. It takes him like 10 seconds to turn around and say “oh, do you need a drink; I’ll buy you one”. I say sure. After my drink comes I think she was expecting me to walk away which I did not because by this time I am steaming. Their conversation haults and feels a bit awkward. She says, oh, I’m going to go talk to someone over there. He says to me should we go back over by Willie and the other couples. I say sure. Every time I left his side she was at it until she would see me for example exiting the restroom she would quickly move away. She had the nerve to ask me if he could dance with her. I replied, absolutely not! No way can he dance with you; I’m his wife and he told me he didn’t feel like dancing because he didn’t like the music so NO he cannot dance with you. Shortly after that me and my husband left the wedding. I told him how I felt. His reply was “I’m sorry you felt that way; I was just talking to an old classmate. I told him I didn’t buy it; that she had given him an open invitation to join her because her husband was out of town until February. What possibly would he have to talk to her about. He hadn’t seen her in over 25 years and at the last class reunion they never even spoke! She’s in an open relationship I think and she was trying to entice him….he was drinking and enjoyed it. Oh, by the way I think he accepted a drink she bought too. This took place on Sept. 23rd; I still can’t let it go. Do you have any advice for me?November 8, 2017 at 10:33 am #726363
No advice really, but the fact that you have been stewing about it for well over a month seems a bit off, assuming there are no other issues in your marriage. Have the two of you spoken about it since that night? It does sound like he was being a bit of a flirt and you were justified in feeling miffed, but even if she was coming onto him, it doesn’t sound like his behavior was that out of line.November 8, 2017 at 10:41 am #726368
Do you have any advice for me?
Yes, get your butt into therapy, stat! You are way over the line here.
You sound very jealous and insecure in your marriage. He was literally catching up with an old friend, as he said. And her comment about her husband being out of town and kids in college, isn’t an invitation to your husband to come to her house for sex. It. was. just. a. comment. about. the. status. of. her. life. right. now! She wasn’t throwing herself at him.
And I hate to be mean but, damn, you sound like a sourpuss. He can’t dance with or talk to any woman that isn’t you?!? That’s really controlling and terrible. If you don’t get that under control, he will have an affair with someone else because NO ONE wants to live like that.
You have to figure out why you’re unhappy in this marriage (so much so, that you want to make him miserable too). If you’ve had issues with infidelity in the past, address that. If you’re just unhappy with him, address that. But don’t put this poor woman in the middle of your unhappiness.November 8, 2017 at 10:50 am #726372
That haven’t seen each other in 25 years, and you wonder what they could be talking about? Maybe the last 25 years…I bet a lot has happened. I do think your husband shouldn’t have left you alone for so long at a wedding where you didn’t know very many people, and I do think he was flirting with her, but I have no way of knowing if that is something he does when he drinks, or if you are just adding some flare and over blowing the situation. The letter sounds like it’s from somebody who this just happened to last night, and not somebody who has had over a month to think about it.November 8, 2017 at 10:55 am #726375
You sound insanely jealous and insecure. You owe your husband an apology. Yowza.November 8, 2017 at 11:07 am #726380
Wow. Yes, I second the advice to go to therapy. Therapy alone, because you sound jealous, insecure, and controlling. And therapy together wouldn’t be bad idea, either! This doesn’t seem like brazen flirting to me — this sounds like two old friends catching up and enjoying chatting with one another (as friends tend to do).
You start your letter saying you didn’t want to go because you didn’t know any of the other guests. The other guests aren’t the point of going to a wedding. Presumably you or your husband know and care about the bride and groom. Truthfully, it sounds like you went into this wedding with a bad attitude and out to have a bad time, and surprise! That’s what you got. The tone of this letter makes me think you need an overall attitude check, TBH.November 8, 2017 at 11:09 am #726381
I think it is unusual for someone to spend their entire evening at a wedding focused on one person. Usually you mingle with various people at a wedding. You talk to someone for a while and then move on and talk to someone else and then move on again.November 8, 2017 at 11:13 am #726382
I do think your husband shouldn’t have left you alone for so long at a wedding where you didn’t know very many people..
Eh, she’s an adult she could have made small talk with other people at the wedding. Her husband doesn’t need to flit around her all night so she won’t be lonely. If she needs to stay anchored to his side, she really needs to work through that because adults don’t do that.
and I do think he was flirting with her,
See, I call that old man ‘flirting’. It’s not really flirting but more of a polite social lie that older men use on older women. It’s a way of alluding that an older woman still looks as fresh and vibrant, as she did when she was 20-ish. Haha, it’s nuanced so it’s easy to miss. Some women like it, some don’t.
I think it is unusual for someone to spend their entire evening at a wedding focused on one person.
But was he, tho? Or did she just think he was doing that? She seemed like she was looking for any indication that her husband was talking to this woman or near her. She seemed like she wanted a reason to rake him over the coals for daring to even look at another woman.
LW seems mired in a whole lot of bitterness, anger, and resentment. That can’t be a happy home.November 8, 2017 at 11:14 am #726383
I bet the other people who attended that wedding are still talking about LW’s behavior.
LW, you seem very, very insecure in your marriage. Does your husband have a history of cheating on you? If not, then I think therapy is a good idea. You need to figure out where this insecurity is coming from, because it’s making you miserable, it’s making your husband miserable, and it’s going to wreck your marriage.
If he does have a history of cheating on you, then it’s time to figure out what you want in the long term. If he’s really that untrustworthy that he’d hop into bed with any woman who mentioned that her husband was out of town, is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
If he’s cheated and was remorseful and you’re trying to rebuild the marriage, then you still have work to do, because you’re dealing with it by following him around at social events like a prison guard, and that’s not a workable strategy over the long haul.November 8, 2017 at 11:21 am #726386
So, you think this woman you’ve never met wants to fuck your husband simply because she’s talking to an old friend about her life.
Hey, maybe she thinks you are a jealous, unpleasant nag who is an embarrassment to her husband in social situations.
I wonder who’s right?November 8, 2017 at 11:30 am #726387
See, I call that old man ‘flirting’. It’s not really flirting but more of a polite social lie that older men use on older women.
Yes! Old-man-flirting! I didn’t know how to articulate it, but for anyone who has seen Gilmore Girls, my immediate reaction was, “This isn’t flirting — this is something Richard Gilmore would say to be a gentleman!”November 8, 2017 at 11:44 am #726391
wow, until we got to the part about kids in college I thought we were hearing from a 23 year old. You definitely do not sound like a grown, mature woman, but rather like a jealous teenager.
So let me get this straight, you come out of the bathroom and see your husband talking to someone and so for a half hour you avoid them and continue to get more and more pissed that he’s ignoring you when YOU’RE THE ONE who (from his perspective) went off to the bathroom and never came back. And then we get to this baffling part:
Into a half hour he tells me she asked where his beautiful wife was; so I went over and met her. Not sure why she said hello, I said hello and that is where the conversation between the two of us stopped.
You mean to tell us he actually went to go find you to introduce you to this woman (pretty bold move if he’s planning to sleep with her!) but you’re still mad? And then you decide to just be rude and not make small talk with her but just stand there awkwardly because… she was nice enough to inquire about you and want to meet her old friend’s wife?
And then from there you just awkwardly leave the conversation– again, you walk away and never come back– then are mad your husband goes to get a drink without you?
I would be mildly irritated at my husband if he left me alone at a wedding where I didn’t know anyone for a long time… because I’m socially awkward and would feel uncomfortable and he knows that about me. But that isn’t what your husband did. YOU left him alone, and then he tried to bring you into the conversation and YOU left him again.