- This topic has 8 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 9 months, 3 weeks ago by LadyPants.
November 23, 2019 at 8:48 am #861046Dear WendyKeymaster
From a LW:
“I need some advice here.
I met my husband through online friend and after knowing him few months, we decided to try to date each other. During dating for a while I came to know that he has a mother where she is having psychiatry issue and required daily dosage and monthly injection to control her conditions and this was not make aware to me until I found out myself. I just thought to myself might be he did not know how to break it to me and I feel pity about his mother condition so I just let it go.
When we got married and we live together with his mother then I only realize that her condition is quite bad where she will always make noise or screaming and sometimes at night I was waken by her noise plus she doesn’t take shower often where her room is smelly like a dump place whenever she open her room or I got near to her. I’m having stress at home and always trying to avoid coming back early and rather stay in office for a while longer sometimes. I thought all this enduring is worthwhile until… 2 months back I accidentally saw my husband texts with a woman when I was playing with his phone (do note that both of us always play with each other phones).
In the text, I see that he is asking, what are you doing now, where are you, that kind of text. Then there is a text asking her if she free this weekend and want to go out for dating and there is one text where he mentioned he is having oversea vacation (when actually he is having a trip with me) and the woman asked with who he replied “with you”.
The woman seems to reply on off but I’m not sure if they actually met.
Actually before we got married while we are still dating for the first few months I have accidentally came across with this flirting issue but that was worse as he texted few at the same time with I miss you message and asking out her for dates, I did confront with him at that time and he kept apologizing to me and promise me that it will not happen again. After that I thought of giving him a chance and trust him one last time and from there I didn’t check his phone anymore for almost 7-8 years until this texting with this woman.
I need help here if I should still endure this relationship, confront to him or I should really reconsider the whole relationship?
He is a nice guy if without the flirting issue and it will be much better without my mother in law issue (which I don’t think we can do anything).
But I’m thinking our future, we wanted to have baby but with the stress I’m having I’m not able to conceive and might need to go through ivf..
I keep thinking should I still endure all this…
Please let me know your thoughts
Thank you!”November 23, 2019 at 9:44 am #861061Dear WendyKeymaster
You married a guy who you knew was texting other women and moved in with him and his mother, whom you knew had some kind of mental condition that required injections and daily medication and instead of requesting details about this condition and instead of making 100% damn sure your dude wasn’t still texting other women or cheating on you, you just sort of shrugged your shoulders and said, “oh well” and married the guy anyway and moved in with his mentally ill mother? And now you’re trying to have a baby with him despite all this?!
I’ve got nothing today. I don’t understand people sometimes.November 23, 2019 at 9:56 am #861068Part-time LurkerGuest
Honestly Wendy, I don’t know how you do this everyday.November 23, 2019 at 8:50 pm #861150SkyblossomParticipant
When you talk about enduring a relationship that means it is pretty bad and that you aren’t happy and won’t be happy. why stay in it? Why put up with what you’ve got?November 24, 2019 at 12:33 am #861169Ruby TuesdayGuest
How many years ago did you meet in person, how long did you date, and how long have you been married?November 24, 2019 at 9:45 pm #861306briseGuest
I wouldn’t have a baby in this context. The sick mother-in-law who lives with your couple, the lying and cheating husband. No. You should indeed reconsider the relationship.November 25, 2019 at 8:48 pm #861419KylieGuest
Definitely rethink the relationship! You are married and live with him, that can be changed. If you have a child with him, you cannot change that and you will be stuck with him in your life, for the rest of your life. Don’t do that to yourself. What is going through your head though? Why do you believe you deserve this and why do you continue to put up with it? He was not loyal to you and was speaking with another woman behind your back, why would you go 7 to 8 years without checking up on him? He betrayed your trust, how can you easily just trust him again? I don’t understand what you want out of this. This other woman does not know about you. Your husband is acting more single than ever. Rethink it all.November 27, 2019 at 12:54 pm #861670LadyPantsGuest
What the actual fuck? For one thing, if the house smells like a “dump place” and comes with a screaming delusional mother-in-law you cannot have babies. That’s some CPS shit right there. If you already can’t handle it, what makes you think an infant is going to improve the situation? Why not throw a couple pit bulls in the mix, unless you’ve already got that covered, maybe some pythons, sharks… an unbroken thoroughbred horse. In all seriousness, dump the guy and get the hell out of Dodge. This is a run-worthy situation even if we substitute a perfectly well-behaved boyfriend.November 27, 2019 at 1:11 pm #861675LadyPantsGuest
It’s noble to care for one’s elders, and to accommodate mental illness. This isn’t, however, your burden. It’s your cheating husband’s. If you accept the challenge, you should at least be equipped to enforce sanitary conditions in your own home. If you’re enabling an incapable woman to live in squalor, that qualifies legally as abuse by neglect. Try not to add jail to your list of woes.