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Dear Wendy

My husband’s family is ruining me

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  • #852104 Reply

    Since the beginning of my relationship my parent’s in law have been an issue. It first started when we were dating his mom didnt like me for him because I wasn’t “good enough”. She said some horrible things about me. His parents are divorced and at the beginning I would get along really well with his father and his wife.
    I got married, then i got pregnant. His father always supported our decisions and my husband always defended me when his mother or sisters would attack me.
    At the end of my pregnancy I tried to have a better relationship with my husband’s mother because I didn’t want my kid to not know his other grandma. When i did this, my father in law felt really betrayed and sort of made us pick between him or her. Due to him always supporting us we decided that we would stick with him. My husband’s sister was also pregnant, we got pregnant almost at the same time, and she hated me so bad for it. She would call me names, would call me deformed, disgusting a whore etc.My husband never let me say anything back because “I’m the bigger person”.At the beginning my husband and father in law would defend me but when she gave birth she went to live with her father (they have a toxic relationship) and then his father and wife started talking so bad about me just to look good and not make her upset. At this point i had already had my baby too, i was forced to name my child after him and he didnt even care to see my son, he only cared about his other grandchild which is okay because i know he is important too. Thats just a little of what I’ve gone through it’s been really hard and depressing especially now that my husband doesnt stick up for me at all. He lets them talk trash about me and honestly i havent even done anything to them. I really don’t understand why they are so cruel to me. They throw family events and tell my husband not to tell me because I’m not invited and he still goes, and when he goes I do get mad because I’m hurt. I’m hurt because i haven’t even done anything to them. I don’t understand their hate towards me. I’ve thought of getting a divorce because I’m not happy with this situation but im scared I’ll regret it because I really do love my husband and I dont want my kid growing up with divorced parents. I’m just to a point where i dont even know what to do. It’s so depressing and i hate having all this anger towards them for being so rude to me when i havent done anything. I hate the fact that i cant tell them anything or tell my husband anything. I really dont know what to do anymore.

    #852113 Reply

    *insert ‘you have a husband problem not an in law problem here’*

    Which, you do. Your husband should be your biggest champion and supporter and he’s not doing that, he’s taking the coward way out. If I were you I’d lay out exactly what you need from him and see if he has even the smallest inclination to help you. My guess is he won’t but at least you’ll know and you can start taking steps to extricate yourself from the awful family. If you have to go through a counsellor to do that definitely do so.

    #852124 Reply

    Agreed, his family is terrible, but you have a husband problem, not an in law problem. He is not sticking by you. He forced you to name your son after his dad. He goes to the parties you aren’t invited to. He speaks to them when they say horrible things about you and doesn’t tell them to stop. He’s the problem.

    #852188 Reply

    Your husband is an ass. You can tell him I said so.

    His family doesn’t have to love you, but he should have nipped the cruelty in the bud right away, and insisted that they treat you with respect. Because he isn’t doing that, *he’s* not treating you with respect.

    You can try couples’ counseling if you want, but I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who didn’t have my back, and I absolutely wouldn’t want to raise a child in that family. Divorce is not fun, but do you really want your child to grow up seeing their father treat their mother like she doesn’t matter? Do you want your child to hear their grandparents saying cruel things to you?

    #852431 Reply

    Even if they divorce, the husband will take their kid to his parents for different events and they can still say cruel things about you.

    I think you should try marital counseling, at the very least so that if you do divorce your husband understands how to stop his parents from saying terrible things about you in front of your child. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and i hope your husband realizes how serious his awful behavior has made the situation.

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