My mom is dating a woman! What should I do?

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  • Donald
    January 9, 2024 at 2:01 pm #1127554

    My mom just introduced me to her “girlfriend” and I’m just not comfortable with the situation. That was a total shock and I’m still trying to process it. My mom said she would move in with us. My younger sister is apparently ok with it. But, I’m not. And, it’s weirding me out. It was already bad when she would go on dates with guys wearing low cut dresses. It was obvious she was just having one night stands. I was able to ignore that and not let it bother me. But, when she decides to start something serious she doest it with a woman? How do I stop her or discourage her?

    January 9, 2024 at 2:07 pm #1127555

    Are you an adult or a minor living at home still?

    January 9, 2024 at 2:12 pm #1127556

    I’m 16 years old and living at home.

    January 9, 2024 at 2:55 pm #1127557

    I think you can have a gender-neutral conversation with your mother that you’re not comfortable knowing about the details of her dating life. I think that’s a reasonable request

    You do have to accept that your mother is actively dating, and you need to unpack why the gender of the person she is dating seems to matter so much to you.

    I think your mom would benefit from enlisting the help of a family therapist to help her kids adjust to the new status quo. But you do need to accept that you do not have a way to “stop or discourage her” from dating women, seriously or otherwise.

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    January 9, 2024 at 3:23 pm #1127558

    Are you only upset that your mom is dating a woman or are you upset that she wants to move her SO in with your family regardless of their sex?

    January 9, 2024 at 3:46 pm #1127559

    I think you should be happy your mother is happy and be kind and courteous and accepting to her girlfriend.

    What, exactly, is bothering you here? I can’t see what the matter is.

    January 9, 2024 at 3:50 pm #1127560

    I think you should speak directly to your mother about this and what you think and how you’re feeling so she can handle this as your mother.

    January 10, 2024 at 8:38 am #1127562

    Not sure why the woman aspect is bothering you so much. However I am definitely concerned that your mom is racing to move this person into your home before you or your sister have any time to get to know this person. That’s really fast.

    I would have a discussion with your mom about boundaries and behaviors. Is there an expectation that this person is going to play second parent? Quite frankly, that would be outrageous given that you’re already 16. So having a discussion about your expectations, your mom’s expectations and this new person’s expectations is critical. You all need to be on the same page.

    Also – and again this is gender neutral – what is your comfort level with displays of affection? I know that I would groan and make vomit noises when my mom and step dad would be affectionate, but that was teenage “ew parents are not human” and nothing more. They were always appropriate but were affectionate. There has to be some balance between making you feel uncomfortable and demanding they never touch or kiss. It can’t be all one way. So again, it’s a really uncomfortable conversation but because this is same sex if it’s not handled as a gender neutral topic it will be seen as homophobic.

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My mom is dating a woman! What should I do?

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