My mums dating my ex
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Tricky one, basically I was seeing a guy for about six months about five years ago (I’m 29 he’s 45 my mums 48) for some reason he’s been spending a bit of time with my mum recently (because he works away from home and she lives close to him and she has a spare room) and she told me recently she had feelings for him, initially I said that I was fine with it but after 24 hours I changed my mind and told her that it made me feel uncomfortabl.e she said adamantly that she wouldn’t go there.
anyway, about three weeks later she sent me a message saying “I’m so sorry I’m so disgusting I have slept with *mans name* I told Her that I had thought it was inevitable but that I was a bit shocked that I needed some time to process it. Meanwhile me and my mother who previously had been talking to each other every single day and being basically best friends haven’t spoken in about three weeks which was odd behaviour but I just assumed that she was giving me space to process it. however I spoke to my brother when I asked how my mother was he replied that she was fine and that she was staying in a hotel so that she could be close to him whilst he was working away at a different location. This absolutely horrified me because it just shows me that she was pursuing the relationship even though she had expressed disgust. I told her that I was angry and she said that I had granted her approval even though I changed my mind the day after, she seem to deny all knowledge of that.
After two weeks I sent her a message and said let’s meet up and have a conversation about it because it was making me so depressed not been in contact with my mum. she replied by saying “I’ll think about it” to which my Anger took over and I said forget it and I blocked her off social media. It’s been about a month and I spoke to my brother again recently he told me that she was staying on his narrowboat with him I will just mention that the only reason me and him split up initially was because we were in a casual relationship and he was seeing another woman who had got pregnant at the time so he now has a three-year-old son.
I am so devastated and disgusted because I don’t think me and my mum’s relationship can ever be fixed from this. I can’t believe she’s pursuing something I have asked her not to. there’s lots of other men in the world and also what kind of man would go from a daughter to her mother? I can only assume that they have something really special that’s worth ruining our relationship for what is everybody else’s opinions on this I am beyond myself in devastation. I apologise for any grammatical or spelling or grammar or punctuation mistakes my keyboard on my phone is currently broken
Sorry, they both sound like shallow and selfish jerks. I think you are right to step back and put some distance there. Maybe once they break up,which they likely will in time,you can work things out, for now see a therapist if you can. I would not think of their relationship as special…more like sorrid and wrong and very immature.
You cannot control other people’s actions, only your reaction.
You’re very upset about their relationship, which is understandable. Try to take a step back from all those emotions and focus on what’s important, your relationship with your mother. You dated this man for 6 months 5 years ago – in the grand scheme of your life, he was just a blip. He is not worth losing your mother, your best friend.
She is an adult and can date who she wants, which I understand is hard to handle. You can feel all the feelings about this, but you don’t have the right to tell her not to date him. It would have been nice if she had come to that conclusion all on her own, but she clearly cares about him and it’s too far gone at this point.
What if you tried accepting this and shifted your focus to rebuilding your relationship? I’m sure she’s only avoiding you because she feels guilty and ashamed and is afraid of your reaction. What if you sent her a message saying you miss her and that you while you know you didn’t react well at first, you love her and want her to be happy. Say you’d like to have a call or meet up and that if she doesn’t want to talk about her new relationship, you don’t have to, but if she does, you promise to be positive and open-minded.
Do you think you can get there? If not, therapy.
Whoa. So, you didn’t ask a question, so I’m not really sure what you need advice on. But, this guy sounds like such a loser. He was 40 dating a 24-year-old — ick! And he impregnated another woman he was dating around the same time. Your mom doesn’t sound great either, TBH. In any case, sorry you’re going through this — it’s understandable that you would be upset.
