Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My mums making my pregnancy 10x worse.

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  • This topic has 9 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 months ago by Phoebe.
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  • #1096638 Reply

    Hi. I need help.

    My parents have always been physically and emotional abusive to me. But i needed some childcare and they needed a place to sleep because their “mansion” is being renovated.

    Sadly, during their stay, they became horribly abusive yet again. Emotionally and verbally.
    I tried my best to defend myself against my mums vicious words but my dad (who is a big man) towered over me and told me to shut up.

    Im 28 weeks pregnant btw.
    I left the rooom and cried myself to sleep whilst they revelled in their victory, drinking wine and chatting IN MY OWN HOME.
    This is how much they intimidate me.

    The next morning, my husband returned home from work and both of us told them VERY POLITELY that if the abuse continued we couldnt offer them a place to stay.
    They shouted “maybe we cant deal with your hysterics!”

    We asked them to pack up and leave. Weve continued to ensure they found a hotel to stay at and told them that we still were grateful but the abuse was too much for us.

    Since then, theyve ignored my messages, (even about my sons 1st birthday). Theyve been more active on social media than EVER before. But ignore every post, every message i write.

    I cant deal with this anymore. Have i made a mistake??? Its like theyre punishing me.
    They comment on every cousins and sisters post but wont say anything about my pregnancy or son.

    Weve tried making contact and the first move but they dont seem interested.

    I worry my baby will come out with issues based on how stressed i am.

    Heelp me

    #1096639 Reply

    Hi. Sounds like they don’t respond to subtlety or politeness, as they are rude and loud and abusive. If they are as horrible as you say ( you don’t offer much for details ) then I fail to understand why you even want a relationship with them? Why don’t you just enjoy the fact that they are sulking and not in touch. And why were you still “grateful” to them. If it is becayse they give you money,I think the price is too high. Or they “guilt trip” you because they can. Plus your husband seems to agree that they are abusive. continue to team up and set boundaries. Your kids do not need abusive and manipulative grandparents.

    #1096647 Reply

    Just block and ignore them, don’t follow them on Facebook. You know how they are, you know they stress you, so what’s the point of worrying abut them giving you the silent treatment. You could view them as punishing you, which in their minds they certainly are, or you could view their silence and absence as the best gift you could possibly receive from them.

    #1096648 Reply

    I dunno. I am sensing a bit of over-reaction here.
    What does it mean when you put “mansion” in quotes?

    Your dad “towered over” you while you’re seven months pregnant? To intimidate you? And then they “reveled in their victory” over you? Maybe all of that happened, but unless they are Marvel villains, it sounds like there’s more to the story? ??‍♀️

    #1096650 Reply

    Kudos to your husband for having your back and supporting you.

    I think you should talk with your doctor to assist you with finding an appropriate counselor on this situation. It’s time to find peace within this toxic/abusive relationship between your parents and you.

    Your parents were disrespectful to you in your home and your father told you to “shut up” and intimated you in your own home but now wants to play the victim. You had every right to ask them to leave.

    You are allowing them to stress yourself out by pondering why they are not responding to you and acknowledging you on social media. Its obvious, they are angry, maybe rightfully so or its an abusive tactic making you feel guilty.

    #1096661 Reply

    This doesn’t sound like fun for you at all. I am interested in what the argument was about though.These are strange times and I’ve had a few arguments I normally wouldn’t, with people I love, due to disagreeing really strongly about people’s decisions and how they affect others.If it was something like that you can probably eventually get through it- they will want to meet your baby once they are born I am sure- but if it is just the latest in a long line of abusive behaviour maybe the time has come to keep them at a strict distance.

    #1096672 Reply

    You say your parents are physically and emotional abusive.
    Why do you WANT to be in contact with them?

    #1096674 Reply
    Dear Wendy

    Your parents have always been physically and emotionally abusive to you and, yet, you want them to babysit your child(ren)? This is really concerning and shows an astounding lapse in judgment on your part. You should be protecting your kids from abuse, not exposing them to known abusers. Please set some healthy boundaries with these people – it may be time to cut them off entirely. Talk to a therapist if you need help doing that. And from now on, only leave your kid(s) with people you can trust in their care.

    #1096676 Reply

    You can’t change your parents – when they needed help you generously offered them a place to stay and they responded to your kindness with cruelty. They are NEVER going to be the parents you want. They are, unfortunately, the parents you have.

    As a parent yourself, it’s time for you to protect your kids and yourself from the crueler things in this life. And sadly, that is your family. Please consider getting some therapy and finding a way to let them go. They are cruel, they are petty, they are manipulative

    I think your life would be significantly less stressful if they were no longer a part.

    #1096714 Reply

    You need to put yourself and your family first. Get your parents out of your lives. There is no upside to keeping them with you, and every downside to allowing them near your kids.

    Do you want your kids to see you putting up with such an unhealthy relationship? Do you want them exposed to abuse when you aren’t there? Do you want to continue to make yourself sick by having your parents around?

    You don’t owe them anything. Get them OUT.

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