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Dear Wendy

My Muslim boyfriend

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  • #843308 Reply

    I’ve been dating my Muslim boyfriend for about 4 years now, We actually text more than we’ve been together, but we have definitely been intimate.
    He’s 35 and I’m 49. I also can’t have kids anymore, not that I would anyway.

    Recently he said to me
    “You know I love you but it’s not possible to be together the traditional way”

    I told him that love doesn’t know race, age, religion.

    I already know that I need to walk away, but
    Can he not be with me because of my age?
    Is he embarrassed of me and my age?
    Is it because I can’t have children?

    I just need closure ☹️

    #843321 Reply

    You need to ask him these questions. Why did you not ask him “why” when he told you he can’t be with you in the traditional sense and “what does that mean?”

    My guess would be, you’re not Muslim, so he can’t marry you, and it doesn’t matter that you’re older and can’t have kids. He probably does want kids, but he was never going to marry you because you’re not Muslim, so your age wasn’t an issue.

    But what do I know?? Does it matter? He’s telling you he likes what you have, the texting and occasional intimacy, but that’s all it’s going to be. It worked for you for 4 years. If it’s not working anymore, move on. If it does work for you, keep going. Be honest with yourself.

    #843327 Reply

    it’s probably more the issue of him being muslim….although maybe he wants children?…maybe it would be best to walk away since he said you can’t be together in the traditional sense (marriage, children)….so sorry, it must be horrible to love someone and you can’t be together for reasons outside of love

    #843331 Reply

    It’s possible too that he’s already married.

    #843333 Reply

    You’ve been in an intimate relationship for 4 years and you can’t ask him those questions? And they’ve never come up before? You’ve never talked about being together “in the traditional way” until now?

    #843337 Reply

    He can marry you as long as you convert, I know lots of people that converted just to marry the person they love. They did not follow the religion, they still drank, ate pork, partied, danced and lived life as they did prior to converting. They only converted so they can marry without problems with the parents. Now its up to you if you can convert just to marry and pay no attention to the religion and its beliefs.

    #843354 Reply

    If he says “you can’t be together the traditional way” then just stops, that sounds like he isn’t really working at thinking about how you *could* be together.

    I’d say, that speaks a lot to what he wants (or more likely, doesn’t want) and would plan on moving on.

    You shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to figure out what to change about yourself to be with him (nor would I suggest changing to be with someone). If there’s a problem, he should be adult enough to bring it up on his own.

    #843357 Reply

    He’s just not that into you. It’s a muslim thing. And — yes — he probably IS married and you are sexy western woman on the side… I should know as I’ve been sexy western male lover on the side…

    #843364 Reply

    I just love it when LWs want us to read the minds of the person they don’t even want to talk to themselves.

    Put your big girl pants on and ask him what he meant by that. I suspect you won’t like the answer and that’s why you’re avoiding it, but you’ll save yourself a lot of time and energy by sucking it up and communicating like a grown up.

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