Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My obese husband wants a divorce b/c I don't "love" his body.

Home Forums Advice & Chat My obese husband wants a divorce b/c I don't "love" his body.

Viewing 12 posts - 61 through 72 (of 105 total)
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  • #785544 Reply
    Northern Star

    Yup, Fyodor. Apparently fat people are absolutely crazy for divorcing thinner, more physically attractive people for any reason. And only thin people can dump fat people anyway (Oracle’s position).

    Never mind if that fatty feels rejected day after day, and has a marriage without sex or basic respect (a partner who doesn’t lie to him about something that’s important to him). He doesn’t deserve to even have a partner in the first place. How dare he want to walk away, right?

    #785555 Reply

    This went on till my 40’s. The first year he gained around 60 pounds. Then the drinking and the verbal nonsense started. I never was making enough money even when I was making more than he was. And it got worse from there. His guessable weight got up to 450. It’s guessable because they have to use a special scale at that weight. This was someone that did not care how unhappy I was and was not even trying to make things better.

    For real, Oracle doesn’t even hate all fat people, she’s still angry at the fat ex who treated her terribly. That’s the issue. In her mind, she let that fat fuck verbally and mentally abuse her. Who does he think he is? He didn’t deserve her in the first place. And to top it off, he lost all of the weight when they ended the relationship. If he had done that when they were married that would have proved he loved her. *smh*

    You’ve got a lot of anger tied up into the weight of your ex. I mean this in the nicest way possible, please go get some therapy so that you can release that anger. For some reason, you have equated obesity with ‘he’s a shitbag’. That’s not the case at all, there are a bunch of dudes with healthy BMI’s who are pieces of shit too.

    #785601 Reply

    “His Dr. labeled him severely obese, and diagnosed him as at risk for diabetes at the age of 26”

    Yes, and you decided loved him enough to want to marry him. Most people gain weight as they age.

    “I don’t see how that is fair to his family with the potential of losing his life at an early age and leaving my son and I behind just because he wanted the world to love and accept his unhealthy lifestyle.”

    He didn’t ask the world to love and accept his unhealthy lifestyle; he reasonably expected his wife to love and accept him, even if he’s obese.

    “On top of this, he only prefers thin/skinny women, and is not attracted to overweight women at all, so yes it’s a hypocritical and unfair double standard.”

    A lot of men have those. But you don’t know if your now-husband would actually feel that way if you gained weight. The fact that he physically appreciates your figure now doesn’t necessarily mean he would have stopped wanting intimacy with you if you had put on 30 or 40lbs.

    “But speaking of misdirection, he mislead me in terms of supporting my career choice. But I came to find out later that he just though it was a phase I was going through, and was secretly wishing I wouldn’t pursue that. Talk about a heartbreaker for me.”

    Okay but was he unsupportive? How did you find out he didn’t/does not like your career?

    “But I didn’t lash out and tell him he lied to me, and tell him I was gonna find someone else who accepted me and loved my career choice. Because you don’t just bail on a marriage like that.”
    Okay but did either of you have communication tools to talk about each of your respective feelings and listen to each other’s experience?

    “It’s a give and take, and if you love someone, you’ll do anything for them. And that includes changing the negative things about yourself, and constantly striving to be the best version of yourself, especially if its within your power to change.”

    Yes, its give and take. I’m no relationship guru, but I don’t think a healthy relationship is doing anything for your partner. I think people should feel safe having limits. As far as the rest of what you wrote goes, your husband has never been a thin man and I assume you married him because you loved him and not because you thought he would physically remain twenty-five. He gained a lot of weight very quickly. He was able to lose that weight quickly. It isn’t surprising he would regain some of that weight.

    Honestly, most American adults struggle with their weight at some point, especially as they hit middle age and their metabolism slows down. We also spend a lot of time on screens, we spend relativity little time preparing meals, and we tend to drive cars everywhere. He’s hardly alone. Many people with poverty have increased risk of obesity, and so do people with disabilities, or people on certain medications, or with certain genetic factors. Sexual abuse can play a role. Fat cells are even affected by the amount of sugar consumed early in life. Bone structure, epi-genetics, genetics, hormones all play a role in it. There are so many kinds of health problems. Do you really think all the overweight people in U.S. are sexless or their partners don’t enjoy their bodies? Bald, stretch-marked, freckled, varicose-veined people all have partners who actually love them.

    Maybe that’s not what this is about for you.
    “Here’s another fun fact: his mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer exactly 5 days after we got married. So what did we do? We moved in with her to help take care of her.”

    You sound resentful. Maybe the reason you think your husband must suck it up is because that’s what you’ve told yourself to do when you were unhappy about something? Maybe your career was impacted by accommodating your husband. Or other parts of your life don’t look the way you hoped they would look? Maybe you thought you had to stay in a life situation that was uncomfortable for you to achieve your goals or fulfill your potential? Maybe neither you nor your husband ever developed the tools to be able to communicate with each other up until this point…
    Look at your title: My obese husband wants a divorce b/c I don’t “love” his body.

    That title makes it sound like you think your obese husband doesn’t appreciate you and is kidding himself about what he deserves. Maybe you’re just hurt because you weren’t expecting him to ask for a divorce so you’re lashing out on this thread. What kind of advice are you looking for, exactly? Validation that his fat body doesn’t deserve your love? Honestly, how did you think commenters would react to this title?

    I know I’m nitpicking. Fyodor and Cleo’s posts made me feel both sad and mad.

    #785603 Reply

    OK Ron, who cares who sees the lawyer first. If it makes you feel better, after she consults the lawyer, she can tell him she is going to give him what he wants – the divorce. And it’s HER fault he gained weight and stopped going to the gym???? And it’s her fault the sex wasn’t interesting???? He gets a total pass because he’s morbidly obese???? He wants out, well help him on his way.

    #785666 Reply

    It is not the weight. (I am not thin either if not overweight) .
    It is his attitude. She must be attracted to him or else he wants a divorce?
    What about all the women who write in about their husbands low libido ? Are you advising them that either husbands must perform or they should leave ?

    #785671 Reply
    Avatar photoBittergaymark

    Oh Christ. NEWSFLASH: If you don’t wanna be stuck fucking a member of the morbidly obese club for the rest of your life — don’t marry a member of the morbidly obese club. This isn’t rocket science, people. It’s pretty fucking basic. Christ on a cracker — When did the world get so fucking dumb?

    #785680 Reply
    Ruby Tuesday


    With all seriousness, I wish I knew when Planet Earth lost the ability of reason, but I also did not think this thread would still be active 6 pages later.

    #785682 Reply

    Of you people should pick a driver, drive around the country, pick up all of you 90%’s and drive off a California cliff. Don’t look back.

    #785704 Reply
    Ruby Tuesday

    That sentence does not make any sense.

    #786039 Reply
    Avatar photoBittergaymark

    To answer your question, Ruby Tuesday — on a lake in Minnesota. Swimming, sailing, and sipping Mojitos. (Freah Mint grows wild on our beach!) Taking most of Augusr off. Arrived here on July 28th — and not leaving until late evening on the 21st! 🙂
    Time to enjoy the family cabin to the fulest.

    #786049 Reply

    I want your life. 🙂

    #786065 Reply
    Ruby Tuesday

    My Aunt and Uncle used to run a cabin resort in Alexandria!* Minnesota lake life is the best life.

    *At least I think it was in Alexandria. I also recall the name White Bear Lake. My Mom grew up in Minneapolis. I’d move there in a heartbeat if I wasn’t such a wimp about snow. But these things happen when you grow up in the Bay Area.

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