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Dear Wendy

My Sister who has not matured beyond age 4

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  • This topic has 34 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 months ago by avatarron.
Viewing 11 posts - 25 through 35 (of 35 total)
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  • #872787 Reply
    bittergaymarkBittergaymark
    Guest

    Homeschooling has clearly failed this LW. Sad.

    #872792 Reply
    avatarMike_Drave
    Participant

    This is one, just one of the social problems the internet creates.

    It appears you and your sister do not presently get on … But here you are asking random strangers what they think based on your diatribe … Which is barely legible.

    In my childhood, as I am 60yr old, if you had a problem it was essentially your problem and you worked it out for yourself. If I do not like people, including family, I simple do not talk to them. My wife is all I need.

    So, as advice –

    #1 Just because you fell out of the same woman, does not mean you have to get on.

    #2 You are both at a difficult age. You are just through into puberty and your sister is a child/adult trying to find her way…. with by the sound of it very little useful parental help

    #3 Learn to control yourself and your emotions or you will struggle with adult life – Now is the time to learn. If you have something which annoys you, then ignore it, move away from it. If you see your sister doing something you do not like then put yourself in her shoes and see what she sees.

    What I can guarantee is what you think matters now, in 5 yrs time will mean precisely nothing to you.

    #872794 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Mike Drave, when Boomers (you) and Gen X (me) were kids, there wasn’t a lot of parental supervision. You’re right that we just had to work things out ourselves. We were out there in the world running around and physically spending time with friends learning social skills and problem solving skills and all that. We were resourceful. The problem was (for Gen X more so than boomers), our parents were getting divorced, we were going to live with just our moms, often in reduced financial circumstances in areas that weren’t super safe, and we just had to deal with it and care for ourselves. Then what we did was raise our kids (mainly Gen Z) completely differently than we were raised, with way more supervision, trying to make it easier for them than we had it, doing stuff for them. Meanwhile the Internet makes it possible not to have any in-person contact, and if you don’t go to school, that becomes extreme.

    I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I am saying don’t blame the kids for being unable to deal with things we dealt with. We did this to them.

    I don’t know how bad this kid’s situation really is or isn’t. I don’t think they provided enough info to know. From what they told us, their worst problem is not being able to relate to their sister. They’re not locked in the house, they interact with other family members, they have free access to the Internet. But yeah, the lack of coherence and lack of contact with peers is concerning.

    #872795 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Definitely learn how to practice self control and emotional control because in a couple of years you are not going to be in control of your hormones and your brain chemistry is going to be all over the place, just like your sister.

    From about 15 – 21 you are going to be insane and have what my fam/friends refer to as “Stupid-brain” which is just the term for a brain that hasn’t fully matured, is flooded by hormones, and is just not operating like an adult brain.

    Get a journal or something to write your stream of consciousness rants. Making other people read that is unkind.

    #872799 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    @Leslie, I feel like I was crazy from like 13-21 at least. Maybe 12 even.

    #872808 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    @Kate – girls mature faster. So yes, from about 11 – 21 young women are insane. Young men – probably longer than 21, but in my experience most are leaving the fog of puberty. For those guys that don’t want to grow up or are mired in toxic masculinity – it can take longer.

    #873062 Reply
    avatarMike_Drave
    Participant

    @ Kate … Your generalisations are of course deeply flawed as all generalisations are.

    One of the major issues with social media is that people read with their own voice; if you understand my meaning.

    All of us no matter where we reside on the great food chain of life, we have to suffer the views of those whom we would never speak with in physical life or even encounter.

    My suggestion to the young lady was to take charge of her own life and make some reasoned choices. She is way old enough to do that. No one was being upbraided or oppressed, simply advised.

    One can only suggest you think about why you have responded as you have; Indeed, where your voice comes from.

    #873063 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Lol ok Boomer.

    #873086 Reply
    avatarPart-time Lurker
    Guest

    @mike I think Kate (correct me if I’m wrong) was trying to point out that many teenagers today don’t have the skills necessary to “take charge and make reasoned choices”. They just don’t. And she’s absolutely right about the fact that most of those latch key kids grew up to be helicopter parents.

    #873089 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Correct. And that’s a social trend that’s been documented.

    Sorry Mike, I haven’t done any thinking about “where my voice comes from.”

    #873091 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    Yes, I can believe this is partially a generational thing. It is also a common problem with home schooling, which a wise parent takes pains to prevent by providing opportunities for their children to interact in-person with peers.

    Beyond that, I think mental illness may run in this family.

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