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Dear Wendy

My teammate (20f) is super competitive with me (19f) to the point where it makes

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  • #1031322 Reply

    I’m (19f) a college athlete on a team where our times matter a lot (like swimming or cross country), and our coach posts everyone’s times on a google sheet for everyone to see.

    Last spring semester, pre-pandemic, my teammmate (20f) and I had pretty similar times, and I was faster than her at the beginning. She would make a point to check just my times and no one else’s, with a bunch of comments about how I was “so much faster than her.” When we were planning a timed test, she wrote down that her only goal was to beat me.

    As the semester progressed, she got faster than me, but then we were sent home due to COVID. Both of us were remote in the fall semester, and now we’re both back at school. During this time, she got considerably faster than me, so I assumed the whole competition would end. I was wrong.

    She is still making comments about how she had to “chase me down during that last race” and has told other teammates that she HAS to beat me.

    This whole time, I don’t think I’ve done anything to provoke her. I’m a semi-quiet person, and just do my own thing and focus on beating my own times; I don’t really think about other people. I didn’t let her comments bother me last year but the fact that it’s still going on when she’s faster than me is really irritating me.

    So I guess my question is what do I do in this situation?

    TL;DR – my teammate is hyper-focusing on my times even though she’s faster than me and it’s really starting to annoy me, any advice?

    #1031323 Reply

    Sounds like she likes using you as a measure, and would enjoy some competition with you, as that maybe helps her focus, and she sees it as fun. If is no longer fun for you, best tell her that before it gets in the way of your friendship.It really shouldn’t be a big deal if you have other ways to relate, but just tell her you are not in the running for this anymore before it spoils your friendship.

    #1032108 Reply

    I agree with Hazel. I am a swimmer too by the way. This really doesn’t sound that unusual to me. I am not very fast but I am good at distance swimming, 5k, 10k. My friends tease me all the time about being slow. Partly I think they are teasing me a little but also they are trying to encourage me.

    In the case of your friend there might be another factor also. She used to be slower than you and now she is proud of what she has accomplished.

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