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Dear Wendy

My wedding reception was ruined

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  • This topic has 7 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by avatarJennifer.
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  • #855132 Reply

    My MIL and mother don’t really see each other eye to eye. They have very different views and had different opinions on how the reception was going to be organized. MIL wanted something one way, mother a different way. I gave my mom the ok to organize how she Wanted it. When MIL realized it wasn’t going her way. She decided to go tell my mom something, at this point my mom had had enough with her and well you can imagine what happened. In the middle of the reception they start yelling at each other. I had to pull my mom away as my husband pulled his mom away. After the whole scene my family decided to leave which only left us with his family and some friends. Of course I took it horribly and cried for most of the night and then got trashed because of the shots and wine people kept handing me to keep me calm. I wish I could go back and redo it all over again but that’s not possible so now I just have to live with that memory. I give my husband props for keeping it all together for me. While I was a mess he handled everything perfectly and took care of me.

    #855183 Reply

    That both of these women behaved as such spoilt preteen brats at your wedding speaks volumes in just how you should now now forever treat them.

    Seriously. Tell them both to go FUCK themselves. And then simply never speak to either of them again.

    You won’t do this of course. And NEWSFLASH: you will also never now be free from this vapid headache until they are both dead and buried. But so NOT missed.

    #855188 Reply

    Ugh. How old are you?

    When you’re this passive – can’t plan your own wedding reception, can’t manage your own drinking, need your husband to take care of you because you got drunk off your ass at your own wedding…

    …of course people are going to walk all over you. Your mother and MIL took over the reception because you let them. Get some therapy and learn to stand up for yourself.

    #855191 Reply

    This is something I wouldn’t let go easily. Your MIL was off-limits and your family shouldn’t have left. Both failed. Your husband and you should ask both MILs to give you both an apology for having spoiled your wedding reception with their dislike and hostility. They made a shame of themselves and you (your husband and you) deserve a written apology. I would really require that: your new boundary, to be respected because… well, both disrespected you.
    Then your husband should explain to his mum that she disrupted your plans. You had given your mum the task to organise the reception and she, your MIL, didn’t comply. That’s wrong. If she had a problem with that, she should have complained with you and your husband. Not make a public fuss during the party.
    Anyway, it shows that from now on, you have to be in charge of the events of your life. Don’t let others, especially parents, organise things for you. Let the parents out of your way: you are an adult. Take some distance with both. They can’t be trusted.
    As for the wedding: it is ok. It is not your fault. You were disappointed but somehow, it isn’t so important. The important thing is that your husband reacted well, and you married the man you love. This is what should be recalled of this day. For your reaction, you were made vulnerable by the departure of your family. Don’t be hard on yourself. It just reveals what doesn’t work in the family dynamics. Act accordingly in the future. Don’t put these two families in the same room and don’t let them govern your life – ever.
    Someday, you will see the comic side of these two old divas competing stupidly on a wedding, up to making a fool of themselves. See it with compassion – and set boundaries.

    #855192 Reply

    Yikes. Definitely agree with therapy. I’m sorry this happened, but I think that if you are dealing with family like this, you need to learn how to respond to them that doesn’t involved getting trashed. I hope you and your husband can find a way to celebrate your marriage where you can both enjoy it.

    #855322 Reply

    You need a crash course on how to manage your family and your husbands family. You knew this would create a clash and instead of stating this is how you want things you let your poor mom take the heat. You should have been the one to tell MIL how you and your husband to be wanted it to save your mom. Not sure your age but if you married this man you have to set these boundaries now before it gets even more out of hand. It’s already out of hand.

    #857467 Reply

    Oh wow. Sounds like you should have eloped.

    Let that be a lesson to you, don’t let anyone else run your life for you ever again. That includes your knight in shining armor.

    #858006 Reply

    Ok, so your MIL wanted the reception to go one way, and your mother wanted it to go the other. What did you want? Do you even know? It sounds like you were a spectator at your own wedding. If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to plan your own wedding. So either one of two things happened. You agreed with your mother’s plan and “let her plan it” to avoid a confrontation with your MIL of your own. Or you are so passive that you let your mother take the reins because you couldn’t say no. Of course you took it horribly and “had” to get wasted? All of this sounds very immature. My mother can be awful and on the day of my wedding got mad at me over something stupid. Thus, she barely spoke to me the entire day in a very pointed manner. Did I spend the entire reception drunkenly weeping in the corner while my new husband “took care of me?” Nope. I just ignored her antics and had a great time. I think you should re-read your line about getting a do ever and really think about what you mean by that…. Taking control from the onset and establishing firm boundaries of how YOUR wedding was going to go? I agree with others that some therapy is in order.

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