My Wife constantly brings up my ex’s
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My wife is always randomly asking questions about my ex’s… We’ve been married a year and I was married for 9 years before that. She looks through my phone on a regular basis while I’m asleep (I have never cheated on her or anything even near it) I don’t even talk to women I’m not related to on a friend level. She recently found and old phone I had before we even got together and threw a huge fit over an intimate conversation with a woman I briefly dated after my ex wife before I even met my current wife. It’s gotten to the point where I just don’t know if I can do it anymore. We have an excellent relationship as side from her talking about my past or snooping through my phone. PLEASE HELP !
Was this an issue before you got married? Have you considered couple’s counseling? Most people have a past, but I don’t think it’s normal to get this worked up over exes for no reason. I feel like working with a neutral third party would be the best bet to deal with this level of insecurity.
Yes to an extent she’s always been jealous. I have two kids with my ex wife which I used to have a decent relationship with. She never liked me talking to her because she says “I’m to nice to her” I’ve explained that I have to be nice we have kids and have to communicate. She doesn’t have kids and doesn’t understand that I have to keep a certain level of peace for my kids. She saw a phone call from my ex wife that I didn’t tell her about that was literally 1 minute long about the kids. It stirred up so much shit I asked the ex to please just text us in a group from now on so nothing is hidden or misconstrued as something else. I love my wife more than anyone I’ve ever been with by far and I know I let things slip by that I shouldn’t because I don’t want to loose her but at the same time it’s really getting old.
A person doesn’t have to have kids to understand that a friendly coparenting relationship between exes is what’s best for everyone. I am childless and I understand that. It’s a shame she can’t put her step-kids’ feelings/needs ahead of her own insecurities.
I’d even be wary of couples counselling with this woman, it’s advised you not go with an abusive spouse and she is definitely emotionally abusive. She is controlling and isolating you, soon she’ll be gunning for your kids. I’d recommend you try and get individual counselling to get the strength to get your life back. Do it in secret so she doesn’t have more ammunition against you and stay safe.
This doesn’t sound like a safe relationship. You have kids so communication with your ex is necessary, if not on some level a priority, not for your benefit or hers, but for your children.
At first reading this thread I will admit that I thought she might be projecting her own guilt onto you, and that she might be the one being unfaithful. But the more I read, the more this sound like isolating behaviour. I would start working up the courage to leave before this escalates.
