Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My wife is deeply upset while waiting on investigation results

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 2 weeks, 1 day ago by Part-time Lurker.
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  • #1112713 Reply

    Maybe I just need to vent, or maybe someone can offer some insight here.

    My wife has PTSD from both several specific incidents in her past, as well as general abuse and neglect.

    Back in April, my wife saw a trauma therapist who specializes in Accelerated Resolution Therapy (which is a newer type of therapy vaguely related to EMDR). It did not go well. Long story short, the therapist did such a bad job she really deeply traumatized my wife even further. Old traumas were made fresh and newer traumas were reinforced. My wife had nightmares and panic attacks nearly daily for weeks.

    It was bad enough that she filed a complaint with the board of social workers and catalogued every detail of her two appointments. We expected the investigation to take around 3 months (though we know it could certainly be longer).

    Now that we’re at the point that we might here back about the results of the investigation, my wife’s anxiety is completely out of control. She’s essentially unable to work right now. Even checking her email is often panic attack inducing.

    All of these panic attacks are wreaking havoc on her body as well. She’s had 17 days with migraines in the past month. Her fibromyalgia is the worst it’s ever been (and that’s a very high bar). Every day is a living nightmare for her.

    I understand *why* it’s so bad. Waiting on the investigation results like this is a lot like waiting on hearing if the DA is going to press charges against your rapist (they didn’t x2), if the sexual harassment you experienced at school was real (they determined it wasn’t x3). Essentially, any time she’s ever spoken up about anything that’s happened to her and it was investigated, it’s been determined that “nothing was done, it’s can’t be proved, etc. etc.” If that happens again, she’s going to be absolutely devastated beyond belief.

    Though she has a few appointments with doctors coming up, I’m at a loss for how to help. Traditional methods of navigating this anxiety have pretty much all failed. Though her therapist in the past has been able to provide methods to help this, it’s inadequate in the face of this. She has an anti-anxiety medication currently prescribed, but it essentially completely knocks her out.

    I feel so helpless watching her go through this. I can listen to how she’s feeling, but what she wants is real solutions, and I’m at a total loss of what to do. I can provide material comfort. I do my best to keep up on all the household happenings but she doesn’t want me taking on any more, because she can see how spent I am trying to help with everything else.

    I have my own depression I need to manage and I’ve been doing bad at that. It’s just so hard to make time for yourself when you’re watching your loved one struggle to do much of anything.

    #1112717 Reply

    I don’t know what to say. This sounds like a very painful time for you both. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved one.

    #1112722 Reply

    I’m so sorry that she and you are going through this. I have no idea what to say or how to offer any help. Is there a way she can take a leave from work or time off? Some people need the distraction. Some people cannot work during a time like this.

    In my personal experience with therapy, it often does make this stuff worse (for me it’s been temporarily worse) remembering or bringing up these things brings up more things.

    I really don’t want to advise you say or offer advice to her because I don’t know her, but maybe for you- remember that what this board determines does not mean what she experienced was valid or not. That’s not a good way to view these results. She was harmed, she’s harmed. Whether they agree or not, she was.

    Don’t forget that this, although it is hell and I’m sure it really sucks (I have been in her shoes a little) This horrible period is temporary. I really hope she can get in to see someone else, if she would even want to.

    For you and her, and the depression aspects, I would urge you both to stay busy and present and do whatever you can to do things that bring you more and peace and make you happy and try to ignore/avoid thinking about what that board determines. Make good food. Do summer things you enjoy. If you have supportive friends to lean on, lean away. If there anything else I can offer, just try to be patient and loving. You do sound that way, you sound incredibly supportive. I hope things get a better for you both. Internet hugs.

    #1112726 Reply
    Part-time Lurker

    I can’t begin to imagine how stressed out and overwhelmed you must feel. I’m so sorry that you’re both going through such a difficult time.

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