Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › “My Wife Lied About Her Sexual History”
- This topic has 27 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 2 months, 1 week ago by Kate.
Women HAD TO lie about this stuff. There was this whole absurd construct of women needing to be pure, while men were meanwhile constantly trying to defile them. Also, 50 years ago and more, women’s main option was to be somebody’s wife. And to be a wife you had to be pure. The whole Madonna/whore thing. It was all bullshit. Women were not the equals of men. Their perceived value lay in their purity. So yeah, guess what, women lied about their sexual history from the beginning of time. To what? Survive. And men set this dynamic up. Yet they’re constantly on here, in the year of our lord 2022, whining about it like infants.WhyDoWeExistGuest
I commented on this letter from a Christian lens specifically because the letter itself, as Wendy pointed out in her response, appears to be written by a Conservative Christian. My intent was to point out to OP that he does not have to give up his faith identity in order to accept his wife as some of the theology it is built on may be flawed.
If what I wrote came off as preachy I am sorry. I apologize if it is felt that my comment was inappropriate and I will reframe from engaging in future.
Happy New Year to you too! 🙂AnonymousseGuest
I think you went a little overboard with the Christian assumption, there whydoweexist? Have you tried Reddit, or I’m sure theres a Christian advice page that could really use your help?AnonymousseGuest
I see a quest for power over women, and an old cuckold who desperately wants a peak at the Real Fun she had before they got together. It doesn’t have to be faith based. Disdain is sad any faith you ascribe to or don’t.ronGuest
” Also, 50 years ago and more, women’s main option was to be somebody’s wife. And to be a wife you had to be pure.” Certainly not true 50 years ago, at least in the majority of America. Mothers still told their daughters this, but it was the morality of their generation, not mine.KateKeymaster
Yeah but even your generation had internalized this from their parents like you say. From the patriarchy. My mom definitely got this from her dad. She’s 73.AnonymousseGuest
That’s really sad that I didn’t even see that, or notice it in the pile, Ron. I agree that a lot of people think this way, sadly! But good lord…that was not the only option for women 50 years ago. 1973 was…not a time or female repression in the US, WDWE. In many respects you could probably say it was more liberal then.
I have noticed that you tend to chime in on “is this woman pure?” Posts. Do you think you’re qualified to make that judgement?ronGuest
I expressed no opinion on ‘is this woman pure’ because the whole concept is ludicrous. I did express the view that Kate is largely wrong in stating that to become a wife 50 years ago she needed to be pure. As someone who lived, worked, dated, married in that era I can attest that I seldom met a man of my generation who felt that way. I won’t be shy about expressing my views of the world in which my generation matured.
I also don’t think that was necessarily a more liberal age than now. Now and then, the people below age 30 were majority liberal. The older people were not. Kate is correct that many mothers, raised in an earlier era, did still give the purity speech. There was no such thing as LGBTQ rights. There wasn’t easy access to birth control in the 60s. You found far fewer women and minority group members in the professions, or politics, back then.KateGuest
I do think there was progress between the late 60s and early 70s for women. My mom’s sister is 4 years older (77 now) and did feel like her best option was to be a housewife, even though she went to college. My mom had more of a sense that she could have a career. I should add too that they were raised in a Christian household. My mom even passed this “premarital sex is bad” crap to me.
But yeah, look, women have lied all through time about virginity because men have had unreasonable expectations all through time.KateGuest
Anonymousse, you and I were raised in probably the best time for women, with legal abortion and access to reliable birth control, not to mention strong messages that we could be or do anything. Women who came of age in the early 70s didn’t have those things. If you had no great way to prevent pregnancy, and you knew if you did get pregnant then you’d be screwed unless you got a guy to marry you… you were definitely not in the power position. Women were very much not the equals of men. Ron is right that his generation wanted to change things, and women of his generation did pave the way for us, but their reality was very different growing up. Throw religion in the mix, and wow.ktfranParticipant
Right. I wasn’t necessarily raised that you had to be “pure” to get a husband. But I was raised in a small city (40k) in a conservative, Catholic household. Premarital sex = NO, according to my parents, specifically my dad.
There are plenty of people I know (again, this is mostly from my hometown) who still think that women will only know happiness/be worth something if they find and land a man. They are still preaching this to young girls. Today. In 2023.AnonymousseGuest
Ron, that was meant more for whydoweexist- not you at all. Sorry for the confusion.