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Dear Wendy

“My Wife of 21 Years No Longer Wants to Have Sex With Me”

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This topic contains 18 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by bittergaymark Bittergaymark 3 months ago.

Viewing 7 posts - 13 through 19 (of 19 total)
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  • #805254 Reply

    For what it’s worth reddit has a dead bedrooms forum that might help. It’s a sad place but they have some good advice for sort of finding your way amongst it all and regaining some confidence.

    #805287 Reply

    It’s good that you care. It’s possible that you’ve both been drinking the KoolAid about how sex works, we all do because we can’t get away from the cultural messages. Our culture and media aren’t really good about getting or giving a wide view about what sex takes in a long-term relationship. I am dealing with a sexless marriage due to my husband’s past trauma and it left me feeling bewildered. I read some advice from Dan Savage over at Savage Love recommending a book called “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski and it really opened my eyes to human sexuality. If you’re looking for scientifically backed information that might set you on a better course I can recommend it to you.

    #805294 Reply

    Well, you do have a sex life, obviously, according to your second post, and she enjoys it. So perhaps you see it more negatively than it is really. Yes, your wife is not very communicative, but perhaps you are a bit dependent. You sound a bit too much begging. Don’t rubber her feet. I wonder if you don’t have yourself a mild middle age depression?
    Anyway, instead of complaining, you could organise with her some activities as a couple who can help you both to reconnect. This is what seems missing in your marriage. Like: a hike on a sunday. A little week-end in an other town for a visit. And so on. It needn’t be expensive or complicated. You both seem also buried in the everyday routine, chores, and so on. The more you invest in fun activities, with proactivity (do organise it), the better for your couple. Focus and work on the positive.

    #805305 Reply

    I’m not sure lying there like a dead fish, quickly orgasming, then going back to not speaking for days is enjoying sex.

    #805308 Reply

    Yeah that’s not enjoyment and I cannot imagine what kind of weirdo would enjoy having sex with a partner like that. Marriage counseling, open marriage, divorce, or a distant sexless marriage are your options OP. You’ve talked to her and she ‘yeses’ you but nothing changes. You have to change what you’re willing to put up with.

    #805353 Reply

    There comes a point when you have to realize that either she doesn’t want to or she can’t change but whatever it is…it doesn’t matter because it’s not the relationship you want to have.

    Divorce can be rough on kids but staying in a unhappy, sexless marriage with little or no emotional intimacy is equally devastating to kids. Or you having multiple affairs to get your needs met is sad too.

    You have to decide what you want and start moving towards it. You can love her but still not want to be in a long term relationship with her. Be present for your kids, and try to have an amicable parenting relationship with her.

    #805362 Reply

    Suggest opening up your marriage. nd yes, I am 100% Serious.

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