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Narcisstic Step Daughter

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  • #847540 Reply
    avatarKimberly Murray

    2 years ago my fiancé, my daughter and his daughter moved into his house together after the mom died. His daughter is narcisstic and has started a lot of drama in the house. first she has manipulated and taken advantage of her dad so much financially. He depleted his saving to pay for her moms funeral and wake because the life insurance policy lapse. Well surprise surprise after he pays $2000 a month for the past 2 yeas for her school the life insurance check showed up for her as the beneficiary. $100,000. Did not pay him back anything at all. She is so self absorbed and did some stuff to really hurt my daughter. Dad refuses to say anything to her so after 2 years of dealing with it I finally snapped. I am now under attack. She is 23 and refuses to move out and hates us all and needs to stay to torture us I guess Very disrespectful. I am really losing it from all of this. Any advise how to deal with living with her.

    #847544 Reply

    You need to MOA. The father-daughter relationship isn’t going to change. You’ve already talked to him about this and it didn’t change. You aren’t happy with things the way they are and his daughter seems unlikely to move out soon. You say that this is harming your daughter, so your response (MOA) is clear. I don’t whether some of what she does is that out of line, but you deeply resent it, so you gotta MOA. Of course your fiancé paid for the funeral of the mother of his child. Of course he contributed to his daughter’s college expenses. That is all perfectly normal, although you resent the hell out of it. Her mother left her an inheritance. That doesn’t mean she needs to pay back her father for assisting her with education expenses. You’ve not said a thing which makes her sound like a narcissist, but if you resent her and the father-daughter dynamic that much, it’s up to you to MOA. Make him your ex-fiancé. You’ll be doing everone a big favor.

    #847549 Reply

    Yeah. In this case it takes a narcissist to know one — methinks. .
    NEWSFLASH: Your letter is nothing but a long laundry list of how a daughter is scamming her own father out of money you feel you should instead be scamming him out of. Seriously. Sorry, LW. But you do NOT come off well here. Not well at all.

    #847550 Reply

    It would be normal for him to pay the funeral expenses and to pay for her college. Her inheritance is still her inheritance and wasn’t intended to be payment to her dad. She has no mom.

    If you help you daughter to attend college will that mean that she doesn’t deserve an inheritance? I don’t know anyone who has held a college education against their own child and felt like the child owed them for the cost of it. We paid for our son’s college education and we will be paying for our daughter’s college education starting in a few months. They will both still get an inheritance. That’s how it works for most families. It has never been narcissistic to receive an inheritance from your own parent.

    Maybe you aren’t a good fit with your fiance because you don’t have the same values or level of empathy.

    #847556 Reply

    That’s her inheritance. Most kids don’t pay their parents back for college. That’s a really silly expectation. If she’s not taking out student loans, it seems like your husband can afford to pay for her school.

    I don’t really see how anything you’ve written makes her narcissistic. She’s 23.

    Talk to your husband.
    Kick her out, or move out yourself.

    #847569 Reply

    And what makes it worse, she isn’t even this man’s wife. They are engaged. She is pissed about things which happened 2 years prior, so either this is a very long engagement or they weren’t even engaged at the time.

    #847573 Reply

    Also, the body was barely cold and she moved herself and her daughter right on into this man’s house? (Did you meet him trolling the funeral?) Yikes. No wonder the daughter has been less than pleasant…

    #847588 Reply

    In your mind, somehow the daughter is responsible for every decision your fiancé has made. He chose to have a child. He paid for a funeral for his wife that died. He paid for his daughter to go to school. That’s pretty normal for a spouse and a father to do. You’re obsessed with his money. It’s not even your money.

    Instead of attacking his daughter, you should go to a counselor and work through this mess on your own. Move out. Why haven’t you gotten married yet? Maybe if you were nicer to his daughter things would be easier.

    #847647 Reply

    She’s not your “narcissistic stepdaughter,” because you’re not married.

    #847674 Reply

    The mom may have been an ex-wife. Not many people pay for their ex wives funeral. We (my husband and I) did. But that’s probably the exception and not the rule.

    #847699 Reply

    I think the difference here from norm is the child who lived with mother and will now be living with father and that there was no insurance $ available at the time.

    #847703 Reply

    This has shades of my dad’s horrible ex who got cranky at all the money he was supposedly giving me. Apparently twenty bucks every now and then for your daughter at uni is a terrible imposition and must be stopped at all costs lol.

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