Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Narcisstic Step Daughter

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  • #847704 Reply

    Ultimately it is his money. He earned it and he saved it and he gets to choose what to do with it. If he chooses to pay for a funeral and a college education for his daughter that is his choice. If he chooses to allow his own daughter to live with him that is also his choice. He is also allowing you and your daughter to live with him. The two of you aren’t even related to him and yet you think he should value you over his own daughter.

    If you don’t like his choices you should move on because you aren’t compatible.

    #847747 Reply
    avatarKimberly Murray

    I went on this website because I am struggling here and there’s a lot more to this story then I wrote. I know its her inheritance and I don’t care about the money I am with her father because I finally found love. The problem I have is how she deceived him by telling him there was no life insurance and then after 2 years there is. You live with a very disrespectful rude woman that is constantly trying to sabotage your life that you finally found after going through a lot yourself and see how you feel. I have tried so much with her a lot and I never deserved to be treated the way that I am. I was hoping to get some advise not feel worse. Thanks

    #847748 Reply

    Did she deceive him though? And if she did, does that affect you personally? If so, how?

    I’m also not sure that would make her a narcissist. She’s a young woman who lost her mom and then had to move in with her dad and his girlfriend who doesn’t like her, and his girlfriend’s daughter. Do you think that was an easy transition for her?

    #847749 Reply

    Your post was focused on the money. Reread what you wrote.
    She was how old when her mother died? How would she know whether her mother had insurance? That’s ridiculous. I had someone close to me lose their husband and have no idea what he had as far as insurance, etc because most people don’t think they even need to know about that until the later years. She was practically a child and you’re blaming her for not knowing that her mother had life insurance?
    Instead of trying to view her as the enemy, you needed to make friends with her. You didn’t. That’s your problem. She’s his daughter. She is not going anywhere. She lost her MOTHER. You come across as heartless. You wrote nothing about being treated badly. You were vague about anything she’d done to your daughter.

    Fighting with someone’s child and trying to get him to take your side is a foolish endeavor. Either accept her or move on. You should be able to understand that you can’t expect him to disown his daughter to placate you.

    #847751 Reply

    LW —
    People can only respond to the information given. Sometimes strangers on the internet CAN see what you yourself can’t, because we’re going off of your own words to provide honest (yes, blunt) feedback.

    You spent about half of your post talking about money. That’s why people think you’re overly concerned with money that rightfully is HIS to spend. HE is choosing to spend it on his daughter who just. lost. her. mother. To say that she is some evil manipulator is not accurate.

    I get that you believe she is. If you want to keep this love that you found after all these hard times, you need to change that belief. Your hatred of her is not going to help you at all. If you want to keep this love, you’re going to need to find a way to soften your attitude, and THAT is what everyone (consistently) was telling you. If you want others to co-sign your resentment, this isn’t the place, because we know that won’t work and are actually trying to help you.

    #847752 Reply
    Dear WendyDear Wendy

    If it’s not about the money, what is it about? That’s what you talked about. Now you’re saying it’s about the daughter being rude and trying to sabotage your life. What are some examples? What is it that you want advice about? What is the specific question?

    #847754 Reply

    Maybe she “deceived” him because she didn’t want him to spend the money on his new girlfriend and her daughter who apparently moved into her house way too quickly after her mom died. Even if she’s a little sour towards you and your daughter, consider how she would feel in this situation.
    She probably barely knows you, is still reeling over her mom’s death, and all of a sudden you and your daughter move in to her (yes, her) house! Paying for her college and not asking for her to pay him back with her inheritance or life insurance is literally the LEAST he could do.

    #847763 Reply

    Imagine being a kid and getting a demand from your father to pay for your dead mother’s funeral.

    #847766 Reply


    Give us some concrete examples of how she has treated you poorly or tried to “sabotage” you.

    #847786 Reply

    Yeah… NEWSFLASH: we here in that vacuum that is the internet can ONLY go on the measly info you yourself presented which — as I plainly said — simply did NOT make you look very good here. Not good at all.

    #847792 Reply

    Why did you only move in together after the mom died? Were they not actually divorced? Were you an affair? It seems odd that her death would be the reason for all of you to suddenly move in with him.

    Was the house one that he and his wife owned together? Was it the childhood home of his daughter? Of course she moved in with him after her mom died. It was the only home available to her. The big question is why would you and your daughter also move in at that time. Why didn’t she have some time to come to terms with the death of her mom and with needing to live with her dad?

    How would she know about her mom’s life insurance? Many people never discuss it with their kids. Especially if it came through her job and she signed up with her daughter as her beneficiary and never thought about it after that. It took two years for the finances to be worked out. Legally, someone was probably trying to figure out who the heir was and then to find them. If you knew about an insurance policy you would contact the company to get your payment. Obviously she didn’t.

    It’s time you realized that spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends are replaceable. That’s why he had an ex and why you had an ex. Kids aren’t. That’s why you have your daughter with you. That’s why he also has his daughter with him. Kids are for keeps. If you and his daughter aren’t compatible sooner or later you’ll be gone and he’ll still have his daughter just like you will still have your daughter.

    How old is your daughter?

    #847795 Reply

    LW — Re-read your post. Count your words if you feel like it. A full 2/3 of your letter is about money. Not your money, your fiancé’s money. You give zero examples to justify your other complaints. It’s clear that you don’t believe the daughter gives you the respect you are due. It’s also clear that you’ve spoken to your bf repeatedly about your concerns and that he supports his daughter rather than you. I interpret that as he has no problems with the way the finances between him and her have gone. If he doesn’t have a problem, then you really have no right to have a problem about finances.

    You don’t mention any $ that you personally contribute to this household, so I can only assume that your fiancé is supporting you and your daughter as well as his daughter. If you have a roof over your and your daughter’s head, the house isn’t falling apart around you, you and daughter aren’t dressed in rags, and everyone has enough food to eat, then you really don’t have a legit beef about how he spends his money. You aren’t his wife.

    Which brings us to exactly how much respect you deserve, rather than expect, from the adult daughter of your bf. She is the one who just lost her mother and is having a tough time. She gets cut more slack than you do. If you are trying to act like the demanding step-mom, which your not, and aggressively trying to take full command of your house and household (neither of which truly is your — once you marry him, you have a stake — for now, you’ve just been living with your bf in his house), then you are WAAYY out of line. Not your place, at all, too tell this young woman how to live her life, whether or not to repay $ to her father, or tho whine to bf about any penny he spends on his daughter. It seems he is also supporting your daughter.

    You say it isn’t about the money, but re-read your letter. You certainly describe yourself as a gold-digger. Now you want to tell us that there is a different real problem, but no info on what this real problem actually is, except you feel disrespected. Given your bizarre views on the $, I assume your views on the disrespect are even more bizarre, since you were willing to give chapter and verse on the $ crisis, but too embarrassed to even try to justify the rudeness and disrespect.

    It’s the daughter’s house just as much as it is yours.

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