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  • September 15, 2022 at 5:44 pm #1116019

    Hi there. I’m Heidi. I’m 32. I’m crushing hard on a guy who’s 38.

    I was best friends with a girl about 8 years ago. She was married at the time. I had an instant crush on her husband, but I never told her or him. I only spoke to him sometimes, just general hey how are you stuff. He was hot and I felt bad for fantisizing about being with him. He had a sparkle in his eye when he spoke with me and I get he might have a crush too.

    Fast forward 5 years. I’m no longer friends with her. She cheated on her husband and left him. He’s been single for about 5 years now. He took the break up hard and drank a lot. He’s been alcohol free for almost a year. I was talking to him on FB every now and again. I still had a crush on him and I wanted to tel him so bad, but I didn’t.

    So recently I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to flirt with him. He flirted back. Turns out he’s interested in me. He said he’s been crushing on me for a long time.

    I feel incredible lust for him, not that I told him this. Like being electrocuted. I’ve felt this for a long time and now it’s so much stronger. He knows just what to say, I’ve never felt like this before. I tremble and it gets hard to breathe. I‘ve heard of lust but this has gone on for many months and so bad the past few days. I blush a lot and I feel guilty about it.

    So I have a lifelong medical condition, can’t be cured. It gets in the way of my life sometimes. I told him about it when I first met him. I reminded him about it and turns out he knows a lot about it. I asked him how he’d feel about a relationship with me, stressing that I’m looking for long term and I can’t help my bad days. I really liked his response, he comes across as a mature man.

    I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest and I couldn’t breath again, like when I lust after him. I got embarrassed and told him I had to ring my mum. That was yesterday afternoon. We’ve messaged a few times since and he seems to know I freaked out and he’s being really supportive. I’m terrified. I’m feeling love and lust really bad and I’m scared.

    Can anyone help me make sense of this please?

    Heidi xo

    September 15, 2022 at 6:05 pm #1116020

    I kept waiting for the “but,” and it never came!

    So, you are insanely attracted to him. He’s attracted to you. You are both single. You told him about your medical condition and he responded in a way you felt good about.

    Why not ask him out on an official date and see where things go? I’ve had lust like that before. The fact that you’ve crushed on him for so long without getting to fulfill it makes it that much stronger, but if you two start dating and get to know each other more, the anxiety and feeling like your heart is going to explode will tone down. But hopefully the strong attraction and the personal compatibility will stick around. There’s only one way to find out…

    September 15, 2022 at 6:51 pm #1116023

    Or, now that you put yourself out there and made the move to tell him how you feel, you could see if he takes action on it by asking you on a date. I mean, sure, you can ask him on a date and do all the work here, but I’d be curious to see what he does with the info that I like him and am interested in a relationship. Maybe unpopular opinion, but I feel like if he can’t take initiative here and make a plan, he’s maybe not all that interested or he’s the type of guy who cannot get it together. Or possibly he’s involved with someone else and it’s not evident on FB. Or just ask him out, hell with it.

    September 16, 2022 at 1:07 am #1116027

    I think clearing the air by asking him how he feels about you would be the best. Ensuring both your intentions are in the right place for a relationship and that he is also ready for one as well as yourself will be a great start for both of y’all!
    He seems genuine and means well since he took your conversation of your medical condition well. Go for it!

    September 16, 2022 at 6:25 am #1116031

    Just ask him out. I agree with Kate that sometimes you want to leave it his court but given that you have some anxiety about this situation he may not be sure about how to proceed. Suggest getting together.

    September 16, 2022 at 6:30 am #1116033

    Agree with Kate and Fyodor – just ask him to grab coffee on a weekend afternoon or go to a farmer’s market and find all the free sample booths and buy bread from a woman who has never dyed her hair (and never will goshdarnit).

    You’re not asking him to prom. You’re seeing if he’d like to accompany you on an errand.

    September 16, 2022 at 7:31 am #1116035

    Did he use the exact words he’d been “crushing on you a long time?” Sorry, it’s just funny imagining a 38 year old saying that.

    He likes you and you like him. What’s the problem?

    The issue, as I see it is that you both cannot express yourselves to each other for whatever reason. Work on that. You asked him if he’d be interested in a relationship with you and he didn’t say YES I ABSOLUTELY WOULD?

    He was supportive? What does that mean? I don’t know but it doesn’t really sound like he’s asking you out or to be in a relationship with you? I mean it seems like you asked him right then and he didn’t make a solid response? I’m confused. Are you confused? It shouldn’t be confusing for you.

    September 16, 2022 at 7:57 am #1116036

    What’s a little iffy here is that you went from flirtation and crush talk, to talking about a long-term relationship. I get why you did it, but that can be a lot for someone who you haven’t really spent time with. Probably would have been better to use the momentum of the flirty talk to suggest getting together and then if you two had a couple great dates and we’re hitting it off, you could bring up your health condition.

    Go ahead and suggest a meet up, and see how that goes. Is he wishy washy about it or does he eagerly take you up on your suggestion and make a plan?

    September 16, 2022 at 9:05 am #1116038

    Have you seen him in person or is this all via FB messenger? Because to go from “I’m crushing on you” to long term talk without dating and stuff in between is, I would say, a little odd at this age. Unless culturally there are vast differences, I don’t know. Do you live in the same area?

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