Need advice

Home / Forums / Advice & Chat / Need advice

  • Author
  • October 27, 2022 at 12:37 pm #1116668

    My black excoworker been liking me since we worked together and is upset with me because i didn’t let her know in a respectful way about my disinterest. For the past year they’ve been harrassing me, some friends and family on social media. They’ve also sent letters to my workplace and my apartment, about me, my fam members that also work with me and my boss. in the letters she mentioned how we were racist, rude, gaslighting her, talk crap about her, etc.

    i admit, i wasnt truthful with her and avoided talking about dating even tho id reply to her convos at work. everytime she contacted me on social media, i block her, so how, at this point can you say i wasn’t being honest with you? at work, some of my fam would tell me that she has anger issues and didn’t like being told what to do. ive never experienced this side of her but i side with fam no matter what. i don’t know for sure but i believe they are social media friends with some of my friends and my brother that they don’t even know. they say that we’re out to make them look like a crazy black person and that we spread hurtful rumors lol.

    ive gotten law enforcement involved but no court order has been granted. the fact that they’ve sent mail to my personal address multiple times should tell them that this is not ok, but no. I fear she will not stop contacting my friends and fam and she will show up at my place during Holloween or something and do some dangerous things. she keep messaging saying we talk badly about her, raciallt profile her and why didn’t i tell her respectfully of my disinterest, why I act like I hate her, how I am sabotagting and hurting her and who called our store sending threats.

    my fam member recently told them everything they need to know, once:
    that im not interested in dating or any kind of relationship with you
    i never accused you of sending threats you didn’t send
    im not a racist to you or anyone else
    i never mislead you or sent you hints and signs.

    but recently she’s reached out again, saying we’re deniying things so that we don’t have to take accountability, still thinks our actions of false police reporting, ignorance, slander is racist, etc . idk what to do at this point.

    October 27, 2022 at 5:50 pm #1116676

    The gender and race and whatever else here don’t matter. You have to go 100% no contact and never ever ever respond no matter what. Block her on every channel. Tell your friends and family to do the same. I don’t understand why they’re involved in this and communicating with your ex coworker anyway.

    People who are mentally disturbed and stalking you will not stop as long as they get ANY kind of response from you, even a negative one. And if you don’t respond 19 times but then you do on the 20th time, then they learned that they have to bug you 20 times to get a response. You have to completely block and never give them any access to you.

    October 27, 2022 at 6:10 pm #1116678

    The thing is, I don’t respond to her.

    My friends only respond because they don’t know what she’s talking about, so they gather info and send it to me. she’s contacted about 20 friends and fam memebrs on social media, even found phone numbers online.

    That’s why my brother reached out to tell her out final thoughts and ended it there. when he blocked her, we received another letter in the mail saying “I feel like you are denying any wrong doing, I don’t recall you letting me know respectfully of your disinterest…I wish to respect your space. I apologize for the harrassment on my end.” I don’t trust the court system or therapy, I trust God only.

    October 27, 2022 at 6:13 pm #1116679

    like should I reach out and let her know when i told her and remind her that I don’t want to be friends? Should I allow her closure? She keeps saying I manipulated her into thinking I hate her, that i want to sabotage our connection, that i lie to her plenty just to show disinterest and how that’s “really hurtful” for her.

    October 27, 2022 at 6:15 pm #1116680

    NO. No one should be responding at all ever from this point forward. Only if she stops getting any response of any kind will she eventually stop.

    October 27, 2022 at 6:16 pm #1116681

    And like how does she “keep saying” this? She should not be able to reach you through any medium at all including the mail. Don’t read her letters. Send them back unopened.

    October 27, 2022 at 6:30 pm #1116682

    what do you think is going on with her?

    I don’t reply but since I don’t do much during the day, I’ll check out the mail or reject her social media requests from different accounts.

    October 27, 2022 at 6:52 pm #1116683

    I think she’s got emotional problems, and is unstable.

    I’m not making up this stuff about not responding. There are books about it. “The Gift of Fear” is a classic.

    October 27, 2022 at 7:20 pm #1116684

    yea and my cousin says she probably doesn’t have any friends or family, which scares me even more; I literally work with mine so we’re always together. Idk where she gets the whole racism thing, she must be crazy and lonley. I told the very first time she asked about me “i don’t use my phone, I don’t use social media, I am focused on my jon and family.” i mean I didn’t say “im not interested in you, leave me alone” cuz I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so it’s annoying when she told mt boss I was emotionally and mentally abusive towards her.

    Thnx, I’ll check that out.

    October 28, 2022 at 5:41 am #1116688

    You need to tell all of your friends and family they are to
    1. Not give any information about you or what you are doing
    2. Save any threats sent in emails, texts, voicemails
    3. Stop responding to her and block her overall

    She’s clearly not well. If she’s making threats see what the laws are in your ares but I understand your distrust of it.

    Lastly, you did nothing wrong by not coming right out and saying you’re not interested. People do that either when they overestimate any friendly behavior or when backed into a corner. Anything in between is presumptuous.

    October 28, 2022 at 1:11 pm #1116691

    thank you! you’d have to read some of what she’s sent us to get an idea of how out of it she sounds /is. Sounds like projecting insecurities and too embarrassed to back down..

Reply To:

Need advice

Your information: