Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Need advice regarding my boyfriend

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  • This topic has 24 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by bittergaymarkBittergaymark.
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  • #844307 Reply

    Yeah, you’re missing the big problem-he’s a selfish person. Totally self serving. Stay with your dad or don’t, but I would definitely break up with your bf. Your father is not that old. 72 isn’t ancient or the end of his life. To add more insult to all of this- you’ve just lost your mother, and your fathers lost his wife. Your bf is terrible.

    #844308 Reply

    “My boyfriend just doesn’t see it from my point of view and tells me I will never be happy if I don’t do what I want to do but I actually don’t know what I want to do.”

    He’s trying to push you to do what he wants and saying that it is what you want. Don’t be pushed into doing something you don’t want just because he pushes and pushes. The fact that he ignores your opinion and claims you want to move shows he doesn’t care about you or your opinion. He wants what he wants with no concern for how it affects you.

    Tell him you aren’t moving. Then you should break up with him. Even if you don’t break up with him don’t let him push you around. If you do it will be the beginning of you never having a say in anything important for as long as you are with him. You should always be able to say, “That doesn’t work for me.” and have it be respected.

    I’ve been married for over 30 years and for that entire time we’ve both been able to say when we don’t like something or that something doesn’t work for us and at that point we always moved on to another option. If an option doesn’t work for either one of you it doesn’t work for you as a couple. Let this be a dealbreaker because he refuses to accept that his desired outcome doesn’t work for you.

    #844309 Reply

    Your boyfriend wants to save money by living in a council flat and he doesn’t care how inconvenient it is to your dad to get what he wants. If he wanted to live with you where he currently lives he could let you move in. He doesn’t want to live with you. He wants a council flat. He wants cheap housing. He should be happy to have you move in with him. If you moved in with him and were paying part of the rent or mortgage that would save him money. That’s not enough for him. He wants a council flat. He sounds like a mooch.

    #844312 Reply

    One of the most important things as you get older can be to stay where you have people and places you know, unless your Dad has always dreamt of living in X Y or Z then it is just awful to uproot him for the convenience/benefit of your boyfriend. And after the loss of his wife, your Mum too, just shocking. I hope your boyfriend sees sense.I’d really think about splitting up with him though, he sounds selfish and maybe just not capable of empathy.

    #844313 Reply

    What a piece of garbage that boyfriend of yours is. I bet if you get rid of him most of your worries would vanish.

    #844314 Reply

    You’re right agree. It’s very helpful to hear from an outside perspective so thank you x

    #844317 Reply

    Your boyfriend owns his own flat? He wants to sell it and pocket the money. He wants you to move (with or without your Dad) into a council flat in an area that he likes so he can move in with you (and/or your Dad). Will he be listed on the lease for the council flat? Or just shak-in with you for free? If he wanted to live with you why not you move into his flat – you know, the one he owns.

    He is using you….trying to manipulate you…and doing this while you are vulnerable and grieving the loss of your mother. Trust me, he picked this time to push you into moving because you are vulnerable right now

    He is an ass. Tell him you are not making any life changing decisions right now and not until you are in a better place emotionally. Then, please, break up with him. This man does not have your best, hell any, interest in his mind.


    #844325 Reply

    The details have zero to do with any of this, so don’t bother with those. Your boyfriend has a serious character problem. In other words, he’s an ass. Seriously.

    It’s not that he “just doesn’t see it from my point of view.” He DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR POINT OF VIEW. Explaining it over and over isn’t going to help, because it’s not that he doesn’t understand, it’s that he DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT about you or your dad.

    Out of all the lousy people we hear about on this board, this guy is in the top three — and that’s really saying something.


    #844335 Reply
    Dear WendyDear Wendy

    Ooh, boy, what a scumbag your boyfriend is. The very, vert best thing you can do for yourself is to dump his ass and move on with your life.

    #844336 Reply
    avatarMiss MJ

    Good point.

    A BF who wants to displace his GF’s elderly father so he can take advantage of that father’s housing benefit (while pocketing the cash from the sale of his own place) is right up there with the future MIL who wanted to exclude her future DIL’s father from the wedding because he was disfigured in an accident and he would “ruin the pictures.”

    Run away from these kind of people, LW. They’re soul sucking monsters who will make you miserable. Most people don’t even think things like this, much less say and then repeatedly act on them.

    #844369 Reply

    Biiig red flag. Run away. There are probably other signs.

    #844372 Reply

    My husband wanted me to throw my mother out…of a home she helped pay for. I’m divorcing him because the choice was never between my mother and my husband. It was between my husband and my conscience. I have to live with myself and my choices. And someone asking me to mistreat my parent isn’t someone worth being with.
    You already know what the right thing to do is. This isn’t about moving your relationship forward. That would have been moving you in with him. This is about free housing for him at the peril of your father. What your boyfriend is demanding is unconscionable.

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