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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Need advice

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  • #1109658 Reply
    Ravi
    Guest

    Indian 21 Male here from South India(middle class)

    So here’s the thing guys, I’ve been a naughty, extroverted and playful kid until I turned 18.. I have joined in a college which is in Chandigarh when I was 18, faced many insults there, returned back.
    The root cause of my dropout is due to my dressing style. I just don’t know what the f happened to me but I turned into a socially anxious guy. How socially anxious? I skipped every class in my semester because I didn’t know how to dress like other students and students used to laugh at me while I’m walking.
    Almost everyone was dressing so nice and perfect or at least normal looking. It is a college where rich people come ofc but there are many middle class guys who dress nice/normal unlike me. Whenever I go to class building from campus, everyone used to stare at my awkwardness which came due to my dressing style(with baggy shirts and jeans daily).
    At first I didn’t know that I’m looking awkward but many students used to laugh at me, no one used to talk to me, my only friends were my hostel mates. The other students dress so well, I just don’t have that fashion sense. I used to come between classes because my anxiety used to gave panic attacks.
    I used to repeat clothes a lot.
    So again my college is going to start, I don’t want to be that same guy again. I want to look normal, I want to blend in.
    How do I do that? Where do these these 18-23 people buy their fashionable clothes for college?
    How do I blend in?
    and I think I forgot how to make friends. Or maybe is this because the culture in South is different and North Indians make friends in a different manner?
    I will need 30 clothes at least I guess to look normal. Please help me guys.

    #1109659 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Wow, I’m sorry you were treated like that. I don’t think it’s your clothes that are the problem, it’s these assholes who think it’s acceptable to mock someone for how they look. Unfortunately I don’t know the shops in India where “cool” Gen Z get their clothes, or even what the styles are there. When I was in college I used to go to the mall and shop the trends.

    Is there an upscale shopping center you can go to and walk around and see what the mannequins are wearing and the cool kids walking around are wearing? And make mental notes of “shirt like that, jeans like those, sneakers like those?” And then maybe look for similar items at affordable shops?

    #1109660 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Or better yet is there anyone in your life with good fashion sense who can help you?

    #1109661 Reply
    Ravi
    Guest

    I go to the most popular malls in the city. I have watched many youtube videos on fashion. But I don’t find such type of clothes anywhere outside. I sometimes even don’t know what kind of dress to purchase. Because in South all we need is a shirt and pant.

    This time I have a plan. I need 30 outfits to complete this semester. I can wear 30 unique clothes and can repeat 10 clothes from those 30 clothes. But I don’t know how to buy, how much to spend, when to buy

    Do I have to buy all those 30 clothes before my semester starts? Or do I have to buy 7 clothes and wear them for a week and then go shopping?

    I’m sorry I’m awkward but I don’t know anything. I have no fashion sense. I was grown up in a different kind of school so I’m not used to this fashion and all. We only had to wear uniform and study back then.

    #1109662 Reply
    Ravi
    Guest

    I don’t have any friends.

    #1109663 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Ugh, I’m sorry you feel you have to keep up with these snobs. You do have the option of just dressing however you want, since these aren’t nice people anyway and who cares what they think.

    But, when I start a new job, what I do is have a few outfits ready, then really look at what people are wearing and decide what else I want to buy. I think if you have money, save it until you get there, and look closely at outfits you want to use for inspiration. Buy your clothes near the college, at shops that might cater to that kind of people, instead of buying them at home.

    #1109664 Reply
    Ravi
    Guest

    Ok. I’ll try it like you. I will also buy few outfits before college starts and after a week, I’ll go shopping for buying clothes which will blend me in. This website and users like you give hope to people like me that there are actually people who are genuinely concerned and willing to help in this world of mockers. I will update you when I do the same.
    Thank you Kate
    Thank you is very small word but it is all I have. God bless Kate and every good human in this world.

    #1109665 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    God bless you too. You’ll be all right. I work with a lot of people in India and when I see them on Zoom they’re always in just a polo shirt or something, looking comfortable. And they’re nice people I enjoy working with.

    #1109666 Reply
    Ravi
    Guest

    Thank you 🙂

    #1109680 Reply
    Part-time Lurker
    Guest

    Kate’s advice is great. Another important thing to remember is to be sure that the clothes you buy fit properly. No matter how nice or trendy something is it won’t look good if it doesn’t fit properly. Make sure that your pants are long enough to cover your ankles when standing up straight and that they aren’t so baggy that they slide down and expose your underwear. Shirts can be comfortably baggy but shouldn’t look like you are a child wearing an adult’s clothes. Another very important thing is to make sure that you and your clothes are clean and free of odors.

    Have you given any thought to discussing your anxiety with a Dr.? Sometimes anxiety can make us feel like everyone is looking at us or laughing at us when they really aren’t.

    #1109681 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I just looked at the map, and all the nice people I work with are in southern India.

    #1109683 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    Try a different college. The student body and culture of a particular college isn’t going to fit every student. Rather than buying camouflage to fit in, find a school where you natural fit in as your true self.

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