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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Need relationship advice for a sound mind

Home Forums Advice & Chat Need relationship advice for a sound mind

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Viewing 6 posts - 13 through 18 (of 18 total)
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  • #1115827 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Why would you want to be with someone you need to “talk into doing more with you?”

    That’s very depressing.

    #1115828 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    You don’t have to have a confrontation, just stop spending that one night a week with him.

    #1115829 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    He gives you attention when you’re there, but he doesn’t seem to think about you when you’re not there. And he’s not interested in changing anything about this relationship.

    Please consider therapy – being so dismissive of your own needs and insecure is not healthy. Also, you need to like the person as they treat you in the now. Not the yesterday and not the tomorrow. “He was perfect in the beginning” is not good enough. And “he’ll be perfect if he just changes these 5 really important things” is not sustainable. You can’t make anyone change. You can only ask for what you need and determine if you’re willing to live without if you get “no” for an answer.

    #1115842 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    Why don’t you have a job? Why do you require that your parents support you? Jobs are beyond plentiful.

    And even with the added info, it just shows in black and white printouts that he was talking negatively about you to his friend.

    #1115848 Reply
    Rei
    Guest

    This one is mostly addressed to Ron.

    I do not know why you think you have the right to judge or get into my business of the job topic, but I’ll bite.

    I did not work when corona started getting bad, I quit my job due to personal reasons, and with my parents’s support worked on my lifestyle goals. Therapy not included. Mostly since I am not fond of the idea of feeling more damaged than I already am.

    Anyway. Every family is different. They own the house and buy groceries and pay for all their monthly needs of the house. I buy what I need for myself from my own savings. So it’s not like they buy everything for me just because I don’t have a job. Did not, that is. Now I am working, so that’s beside the point.
    My family never asked nor wanted my savings money or any money from me. Are you gonna tell my 65 year old parents how they should act, too?

    Now. For the last bit. Sure maybe that’s one wsy to see it. Thing is, he was ssying to me, multiple times, how he said nothing at the time because he was upset at me, but does not agree with his friend of thing the same as her, just “sees where she’s coming from” since she said all of this after he pointed out I am unemployed. Not that I get why one would talk about another’s partner when they aren’t there but whatever.

    My supposed damaged view of things apart, I mostly agree that this might be doomed. And just a relationship of convenience at this point.
    Thanks to the kind ones that gave me good input.
    I am unsure about what I will do since I am still very conflicted. I am thinking I will have a chat with him about these things, see where he stands. If he is not serious about putting the time and effort into this relationship, then I will be better off alone.

    But yeah, we’ll see how thst will go. Thanks again.

    #1115960 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    I really think you should reconsider therapy. You may have some things to work through. You’re holding on so tightly to this kind of sad, one sided relationship, with weird rules that you follow and he set? One night a week, only. Why? Arbitrary rules so you cannot progress like a normal couple. I know, you’re not normal. But you’re also not happy with what you’ve got and you want to keep trying with him. It doesn’t sound good.

    I’m in therapy. I don’t feel more damaged, although maybe while processing some of the damage I did. I’ve been through a lot, but that doesn’t make me or anyone else a damaged person. It makes us, sadly, experienced in terrible things. But it doesn’t have to define you.

    You don’t sound happy, and it seems the relationship is a big reason why.

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