Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

New guy. Met on line

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Viewing 6 posts - 13 through 18 (of 18 total)
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  • #848667 Reply

    You are very naïve, very desperate or both. Soul mates are rare, a lot rarer than a guy whom you can just enjoy dating for a time. It sounds like you haven’t even met in person, so how can you possibly know he is your soul mate. When you see the person’s face as they talk, you at least get some impression of sincerity. It sounds like he is just a far more practiced player than you are accustomed to. I don’t see harm in trying a safe ‘intro date’ in person, like half an hour in a coffee shop. Don’t even do drinks, if you fall this quickly sober, I’d hate to guess after a few wines.

    I’m really curious. Exactly what things did he say to convince you he was your soulmate? Was his photo that cute and it just didn’t matter what he said?

    #848672 Reply

    Be wary of him trying to change the first date. Say you’ve agreed to meet next week at a coffee shop and then you get a text from him saying that he can’t wait until next week to meet you and he thinks he’s in your area and he wants to come over. Take something like that as a red flag. It puts you on the spot and pushes for an immediate answer without time to think about it. The same for the end of the first date. Maybe you meet for a half hour and it seems to be going well and then he wants the two of you to go somewhere together. In that instance be too busy to go. At that early point in the relationship don’t be alone with him. Don’t let him push you into being alone. Don’t give him your address. Don’t let him pick you up. Don’t go to his place, no matter how many people he says are there.

    Predatory people often are very charming. It is much easier to prey on people if you seem safe and fun and like you connect with them emotionally. They are good at saying the right thing to make it seem like their suggestion is a great idea.

    He might be a great guy or maybe not. Time will tell. A guy who likes you won’t push you.

    If you come up with more than one red flag I’d not go on the date at all. Say suddenly wanting to meet sooner and asking for a nude photo or wanting to meet sooner and pushing for your address. Never ignore red flags.

    #848673 Reply

    There’s no way for you to know whether he’s a player or a soulmate. BECAUSE HE’S A TOTAL STRANGER AND YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM.

    The entire point of dating is to get to know someone, slowly and over time, until you know them well enough to know if they’re a good match with you. You get to know them by spending lots time with them, seeing how they treat you, watching how they treat other people. Observing how they react to tough situations. Seeing how compatible your personalities are.

    Oh, and one important bit of dating advice: pretty words mean nothing at all. Anyone can say anything, promise anything. Actions will tell you whether he means what he says.

    #848674 Reply

    Is it possible he’s your soulmate? I mean, sure. My first go-round at online dating was in 2012, and the first guy I exchanged messages with, I had a very strong feeling after a few messages back and forth that he was going to be my new boyfriend, and even told a friend I felt this way. I was correct, though, and we dated for over a year. Was it kind of a crazy to feel/announce this? In retrospect, yeah. I was very new to online dating and excited, but obviously had barely scratched the surface of who he was by sending/receiving a few emails. I was lucky that he was genuinely trying to meet someone and the chemistry I’d felt over email also existed IRL — now that I’ve online dated more, I know that this is not always the case. Some online daters are players. Some are creepy. Some are nice but not the right match. So I agree. Slow your roll. Send a few messages back and forth. If there are no obvious red flags, meet in public for a drink or coffee. Get to know him. It’s possible you feel like he’s saying all the right things because you truly are well suited for one another, but you won’t know until you get to know him.

    #848677 Reply

    No. I know you’re assuming that this is a really Special Feeling, but TONS of people feel this for multiple people in their lives. Really. It means relatively little. I don’t know why you have to jump to soul mate. Can’t you just date and see where things go?

    #848690 Reply

    Lol soul mate, who on earth even uses that word today???

    She seems sorta nuts to fall so heavily for some man she just met online!

    men online say all the write words cause they have to or they ain’t gonna get anywhere.

    She’s gonna get catfished and have al her bank accounts drained if she doesn’t get her head out of her ass and think clearly. Better meet him in a safe location and a go on many dates before ever handing over some cash or financial info about her self.

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